There is no point in this blog entry except for me to rant about my current thoughts. Everything is out of order.
I am so emotional... Here I am, a 17 year old Asian girl whose birthday is coming around in about two months or so. Why am I thinking so much? In reality I know this is such a common thing, feeling like you're the only one. I see others every day believing they're the only ones. Well, anyway I was talking to my sister today about how vain I am. I had just showered and was driving her home, so my hair was a bit wet and my eyeliner was smeared because I was too lazy to wipe it off. So confident, I couldn't help but notice my face in the rear-view mirror and smile. Life is good, it's all good to me. As I'm thinking this my sis mentions the barely visible scar on her thigh and I told her to not worry about it. She then tells me about her “thunder thighs” and how huge her calves are and how fat she is blah blah blah.... I reassured her of her skinniness (she's freaking 20lbs lighter than me!!!) and told her my secret to confidence. It's kind of embarrassing and horrible to say, but I'm so confident because two of the most awesome guys in the world that I have ever met liked me for who I was. I'm pretty sure I have never heard any criticism from either of them, which makes me think “If these two guys like me, there are others who will too!” And yes, I know this is an awful reason to be so self-assured, but that's my method or excuse and it has been working for me since I was maybe 13. Then my sister goes on to tell me about how she has never really “dated” anyone. She says that she goes out with guys and with friends, but they don't ever do anything. And when she does go out with her boyfriends she never calls, texts or IMs them like I do. I'm wondering if this is even possible because she's had several boyfriends of several months ever since grade school and I've done all of this since I started dating in high school. Sometimes I think she's just lying about all this and denying the fact she has really dated and felt something like “love” just so she can be labeled as a hardcore independent hipster or something stupid like that. I said that was really sad for her not to go through anything like that, especially since she's out of high school now. “But it's okie, I don't feel for a lot of things” she tells me. Now I know she's bull-shitting me and has built a fake wall. It won't last long. I'm telling, after three months in college or so she'll find herself. I went fucking crazy during my first semester of college and freedom. I went out everyday until the sun rose in my nice car and spent money like no tomorrow. Then, I got tired. And I got in trouble. Ha. Darn, I forgot I was only 17... I swear, 17 has been the best year for me so far!!! Anyway, I think this is kind of selfish or arrogant, but I really hope that my sister turns out to be more like me once she's in college. I hope she starts to understand things my way.
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