Um. Warning, just really girly memories. I'm ranting about how I miss my ex and then recollecting a memorable date I had with a Republican. Not really interesting, but I just want to talk.
I think I still love him, my ex-boyfriend that is. My first and only boyfriend... And love as in friend/family. It's almost been a year since I stopped considering him as a romantic partner. It happened when I started college and was exposed to so many new people. I got confused... I felt like Tommy was really holding me back. Here I was trying my best and focusing on him, trying my best to make him his best. He didn't put any effort in it though. He was so complacent with his position in life and truly believed that he already found the girl he was going to marry. I mean, I can't blame him. I was with the guy for four years and at the time that was an entire quarter of my life. 25% of my life I was dating Tommy!!! So of course he was very, very influential to me. When I think back to it now, it's completely crazy that I was in 8th grade while he was a freshman IN COLLEGE. What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck was wrong with him?! Bwahaha. Whatever. That's the past now, can't change it. When I started college I was thinking, “Hey, I'm about the age when Tommy met me... I wonder if he's changed too.” Anyway, blah blah blah. I miss him. It's so weird that I can't hang out with him whenever I want. It's so weird that he's afraid to fall in love with me again so we can't really be friends. During those four years with him he was my ONLY friend... I didn't have anyone else to talk to and vice versa. I knew all of his secrets and he knew mine. He put up with all of my teenage girl phases and helped me from going insane. Because of him I got into FPS and racing games. And because of him my dad purchased a $60k plus car (it honestly wasn't me who wanted the car. I was begging for a 1. $3.5k RX-7 or maybe a 2. $15k Sti or even a 3. $20k 'vette as a FIRST car). So yeah... that was my little rant on how I miss Tommy. All my friends have been telling me that he'll always have a little piece of my heart and I guess they're right. It's so sad that I can't even hug him anymore.
Also, I don't think I could seriously date anyone for a while. I don't think that I should until I'm through with school anyway. It always freaks me out and my eyes widen whenever a guy mentions any type of marriage or wife while on a date, especiallyyyyyy the first date. Well, then again, I never seem to accept 2nd dates with guys. Okie, there's one exception besides Tommy, but I really don't know what's happening with that so I don't count it. I've only been on 10 or so first dates and I really did like all of the guys until the date was over. Oh yeah, just one thing, whenever I like a guy I'm usually the one to ask them out... I just don't like to waste time or play pointless mind games. My family thinks it's awful, but it's usually like this. “Me: I like you. Guy: Oh, I like you too. Me: Wanna hang out?” and then we make plans. One of the dates I remember the most was around Halloween last year and I was dressed as slutty sailor moon/Japanese school girl. Bwahaha. So yeah.... anyway, it was with a guy I call the Republican and I liked him because he mentioned string theory (chemistry is dear to my heart <3), was tall and handsome, funny and outgoing. So I found him on facebook, got his number and asked him out to Late Knights where it was Halloween themed. At first I really liked him, we had so much fun and he was so strong! During the spinning swing thing, he spun the thing we were in so fast I nearly flew out and was screaming with terror for him to slow down!!! During that date, the Republican skipped a nerdy, Russian boy in line so we could get in faster and didn't expect the Russian kid to develop a crush on me... Ha, the Republican keeps telling me how he wished he didn't do that. Anyway, after I was bored with Late Knights I made him drive me out to Austin's. I changed out of my slutty school girl costume though into blue workout short-shorts, white cotton v-neck, knee-high socks and sneakers. I kept my hair in pony-tails though. All the guys were upset that I changed, but seriously, it was cold that night and I didn't want to enter my favorite coffee shop like a slut. During the night the Russian kept talking to me so the Republican decided to take me out for a walk... and that's when he freaked me out. I just love walks. I love it when a guy takes me out for a nice, relaxing walk for careless conversations. So perfect. But this guy, he takes me out on a walk and begins interrogating me to see if I'm wife material and even asking questions about kids! Afterwards though we went back to Austin's and I got the Russian boy's number. He just beat some random guy at chess and that was cute. So Ryan was driving me back to UCF and when we were at my car we sat in the trunk of his truck for a bit and he was being awfully romantic, so I decided to give him a second chance. He gave me his jacket to wear and I was leaning against him looking at the stars. He knew that I was pretty innocent and told me about all of his past girlfriends so I would know ahead of time and I said that's all right because I don't expect much from guys these days. Even Tommy had gotten around before he met me, I guess that's what did it. Anyway, when the conversation died and I was bored I told him I had to go home. I was expecting a goodnight kiss goodbye, but I guess he was too chicken. I was a bit disappointed because it was such perfect timing! Out of all the other dates I've been on too, I can't believe none of the guys wanted to kiss me goodbye. In fact, 2 out of the 3 boys I have kissed was me initiating it. Ha. AM I NOT KISSABLE?! So yeah, I was disappointed and didn't go on a 2nd date with him. That's really it.
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