Ever remember that moment in life where you realize "Yeap, he's/she's the one..." :)

or just that moment when you realize that you're in love.

I don't really remember when I actually fell in love with Tommy

It feels more like I had a really big big crush on him and somehow trapped him into liking me and dating me when I was fucking THIRTEEN and he was eighteen.

God dammit, if I ever have kids I won't let them be as messed up as me. >_<

I was 17 when I met harmonica guy who was 22/23....

I insta fell in lust with him with his hat, boots and music

He was my John Lennon. Lol

Ugh

I was living the Beatle fantasy so hard

He is actually more comparable to a much better looking Ringo.

And then I met Andrew when I was 18 and he was 26

He's so old!

Why did I keep dating older and older guys? >_<

The moment I fell for Andrew was on our first date and he mentioned some pickup line with chemistry after we made out

I especially liked it because Adeline had talked about it earlier with me

I really love Andrew...

We belong together

And if we ever break up

It probably won't be because one of us broke the other's heart...

When I was dating my ex he was allowed to sleep over and take care of me whenever I was sick

I remember he bought me flowers and make me cream of chicken with toast

He'd bye me flowers every month or so because I told him I was jealous of this one girl in history class who got roses sent to her every month from her boyfriend... I still have some stupid rotted flowers for when I first had a bad flu while dating him

Then he'd play call of duty while sitting in bed next to me making sure I took my medicine and that I had water

It was nice to be able to lay in his lap and rest.

He really loved me....

Now I wish I could just have Andrew come over

life's not fair and I haven't done much to change it

I would like to sleep with my boyfriend again.

Why was life so much sweeter when I was in high school

Because I dated a rich Asian guy?

that's so stupid....

I think I'm going to dream about my past now

The part that's between Tommy and I breaking up and when Andrew and I started dating

That period in the middle was pretty much blissful

Macaroni with hot sauce
Pineapple chicken with red sauce
Sandwiches
Egg salad with rolls.....

Lying down in the grass waiting

The summer heat.

Ugh

So wonderful

sometimes I text Andrew and then I immediately receive a text
I always hope it's him replying or texting me
But it's usually a friend I ignore...

Sometimes the things my boyfriend says makes me think

"Are you fucking serious?..."


Also, yay!

Over 17,000 views on this blog. :)

Ugh, my ex's mom keeps hitting on my dad

I fucking hate that woman

She ruined my first relationship

My dad hates Tommy for breaking my heart

And he hates his mom

And there is zero points of trying to gain my family's blessings

I just want Andrew to make me feel better...

But he sucks

Even if I still like him

I'm just angry

Probably because I'm in so much fucking pain

My body aches....

:'(

This Christmas Eve I get to lie down in bed alone as I experience this awful, awful headache...

I hate life so much right now.

Everyone sucks

Except for Sangni because he was nice to me today

But everyone else totally sucks right now

My head hurts a lot

I complain

Rawr.

I think I want to do stuff

Like cuddle with my baby boy.....

Sigh.

Andrew Wilson completes me

Maybe I should be myself

Dear diary.

I miss my boyfriend and I want to feel loved..

It has been four days since I've seen him and that makes me sad

I still need to wait 2.5 more days

Life sucks : (

Logged on to see $38 available and then suddenly sad because I realized that I still owe sangni $70 :(

When I'm famous people are probably going to think things

To do list: DRINK A FUCK TON OF WATER!!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY, DO IT.

I hope Andrew doesn't shave his mustache off tomorrow....... because I really like it. <3

Affection...

Attention....

Rawr.

Andrew better be the right guy.
I chose him!

I could wait but....

Idk

He seems nice.

<3

I mean

There's always the future

And being a travel companion.

Idk

I'm pretty sure I love Andrew

And I'd like to think that he loves me.

I get mad at people who get mad at me

How the hell am I going to live with Andrew when he has five cats....

Also, should I buy a house or a car?

Also, when should I leave Orlando/The US?....

I fucking hate it here. I'm so tired of it now. :(

Have you ever been in love and gave it all up?

My life is stupid.

I hate boys.

I hate 'em

I hate 'em

I hate 'em.............

Ugh

they're disgusting.

I think black guys are cute because they have nice, deep voices and really white smiles.

also the abs and biceps are pretty cool.

That is all. Random thought.

Random uturn gave me a flashback of when I'd need to drive the Corvette home and Tommy would drive back with me and give me a ride back

Sometimes he'd drive all the way back to my house and my dad would say I can't go out tonight...

That would suck

I'm touching myself all over right now....

I have such soft skin

It's nice when my skin is able to get a chance to be smooth.

Usually I get allergic reactions or am itchy because of ridiculous stuff

And that makes me scratch myself

And have disgustingly dry skin....

I hate allergies.

But I feel so freaking soft now

Yay : )

I should probably start giving my attention to other people besides Andrew...

I need to actually talk to Bruce, Nick, Nathalie, Rebecca, Ali and everyone else in the world again.

There's only one thing though.

I don't think Nhi Wilson sounds right...

Bwahaha.

I should sleep.

Usually I'm afraid of actually committing myself to someone

I really didn't expect to be in a serious relationship

I know we've only been dating for a year

But I can imagine myself marrying Andrew.....

He would treat me right.

I'm not completely overly attached girlfriend

I'm just saying that I can see myself doing something like that.

Maybe I'm just feeling extra in love though

Whatever, I'm 19

give me a break!

Aw, that's sad

One of my favorite turn ons was whispering and kissing my ear

but ever since Andrew mentioned that my left one smells bad I am reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy self-conscious about it.

Poops!

I loved that so much when I was younger.

What is wrong with me?!

There are some moments when I feel madly in love with Andrew

it's so nice to have him

I love that comforting feeling when we are lying down together

Or when he hugs me

Or gently kisses me.

I also really like his mustache

I don't know why, but it makes me smile

Lol

I like is so much!

xD

<3

My boyfriend is the greatest

What did I do to deserve him?

He makes me feel good

I feel good

He feels good

good good good good good
....

:D


<3

Last night we got to hang out

and I really missed him

Girls can get sex so easily...

I bet I could text any guy in my phone or message someone on Facebook and they would come over to fuck me.

They probably wouldn't even ask about it.

..

Ew. >_<

Have you ever been lonely?
Would you ever take a chance with me?
I know I'm far but we're alone
And that's something I don't condone

Would you look into my eyes
Or would you rather see all the lies
I know I'm bad but I'm good too
I really just wanna be with you

Did you go out and meet someone
When you've already got my heart won
Can you remember to give me a call
Maybe you're independent now, 6 foot tall

Remember when we held hands
Or when we had everything planned
Happy even though I was just a friend
I didn't realize that could end

Now that you've gone and moved away
Would you want to meet half way
I should have said something before
About how much I wanted to be yours

Have you ever been lonely?
Would you ever take a chance with me?
I know I'm far but we're alone
And that's something I don't condone

Would you look into my eyes
Or would you rather see all the lies
I know I'm bad but I'm good too
I really just wanna be with you

It's cold outside and I'm wearing your sweater
And I miss how much your arms felt better
We never even had a chance to kiss
An opportunity that I regrettably miss

I wish you could see that I'm madly in love
A feeling that's impossible to get rid of
And of course you're my lovely cure
the only fact I know for sure

Have you ever been lonely?
Would you ever take a chance with me?
I know I'm far but we're alone
And that's something I don't condone

Would you look into my eyes
Or would you rather see all the lies
I know I'm bad but I'm good too
I really just wanna be with you

Have you ever been alone
Or do you know what it's like to be on your own
Because I have and it's not so great
To think back fondly staying up late
Remember those pet names once so endeared
My heart that was cared for has been seared

Ugh
What an awful start of a poem

I hear one is more creative when tired
-----

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
False emotions in the air
But still lonely
Oh so lonely
You hug yourself just to feel warm
But someone was waiting
No freedom to leave or to love
Hold onto yourself tonight
Let yourself go and you'll be lost
Too much to fear, a pounding headache Don't worry, he'll come soon
Just keep holding onto yourself

I can imagine how adorable my boyfriend was earlier when he first woke up

and not so much right now

I'm talking to myself

"Hello"

"...."

"I called to feel like I was sleeping with you again."

"...."

"Yeah, that's fine. You always fell asleep so quickly anyway."

"...."

"I love you."

"...."

"Okie then. Thank you for this. Good night. This really helps a lot." <3

Maybe I'll be free when I cut my bracelets off

They're holding me down

The false goals of false gods

I love you but you're gone

Let's sacrifice my arm

Good bye logic

Good bye circles

I'm stubborn and cruel

Just feed me your attention

I'm starting to starve

How are you so dumb?

You never invest or earn

You poor boring soul

I remember you
Brown eyes, yellow and or gray
Awful crooked smile

Hunched over skinny
Hungry 'bout every day
I want you to cook

Thanks for the mem'ries
Thanks for the shirt, love and mind
I hate you so much

One time I drove two hours and waited

And waited

And waited.

Then I bought chocolate peanuts and hair scrunchies

And cried.

Then I drove two hours

And hugged

And kissed

And cried...

Good bye
Good bye
Good bye

Sometimes I just want to run away and start over...

I'd like to leave everyone behind

It's nice to take a breath of fresh air.

Going alone to cities like New York, DC and Barcelona felt incredible

So good....

Can you imagine me

And then after a few months I would leave again

Just like that

People who care for me

...

What's stopping me?

My brainwashed childhood

What's pushing me?

My brainwashing love

Romanticism.

So many options.

Do you know how many times I've gone somewhere and have heard some variation of

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving

When did you go

I love you"

I don't.

I can't try counting....

Only two memories stand out.

What is wrong with me?

I have two personalities perhaps

Never have I ever cherished such a picture...

Pink white brown

Love the cold

A book and harmonica

A white vneck

Jeans..

And a gypsy.

I want to be that gypsy...

That poor shackled gypsy.

I'm fucking nuts right now.

Sometimes it feels nice when someone feeds you attention and begs for your approval

Alright,sure.

I'll bite and say "thank you"

There's no use at getting mad at Andrew when it's too late to Do anything about it.

I fucking hate Beavis and Butthead

Goddamn

Their noises and laughs are so goddamn annoying

Oh God.

I love my hubby
My boyfriend.

My love boodle?...

um

I love Andrew. >_<

I wanna call Andrew hubby or some other pet name like that but that's weird because it's like I'm calling him my husband, right?

Do you only call your so hubby or waifu if you're married or engaged?

Andrew is the best boyfriend a girl could ever wish for. I love him so much in he makes me very happy. I'm like a robot now because I'm using speech to text. I'm too lazy tonight to actually use my fingers and write this message.

Once we live together Andrew and I are going to work out regularly. We would be so sexy together. I'll be skinny and he'd be toned up.

I don't want to be super fit or anything. Just healthy. And I don't want Andrew to be a body builder or. Just to fit his jeans better.

Yeap. We're gonna look so good...

Goddamn the worst kisses in the fucking world. Lmfao. Oh God, the horror. The awkwardness. Lmfao

Jesus Christ thank God that's over with.

So fucking bad.

Just that one memory

Just that one kiss....

I'll never forget it.

I'll never forget my kisses

No matter what, even if they we're stolen from

That moment when you kiss someone for the first time

It's magical.

So damn magical.

I could be a good traveling companion.

Imagine me with you going to Mexico, China or Poland

I paid for Miami, St Augustine and Tampa.

And now we're splitting for LA : )

No one compares to Andrew.

Sure, there are guys out there who are adorable and make me smile

Or try everything in their power to satisfy

Or who look really good in sweaters


But Andrew and I just have so much together

I love him a lot

He keeps me warm

and kisses me on the forehead

and smiles at me

It's just nice to have him

No one can be compared to him

He's also really smart and loves me a lot

what a great guy. <3

It makes me really sad that my parents don't like Andrew.

They keep telling me things like I should date a guy of my class because they're millionaires

Idk, Andrew is such a good boyfriend and makes me so happy. I don't see why they care so much about money. Sure it makes life easier but I'll live.

Man i love my boyfriend so much!!!

I want some roses.

And...

Idk.

I love andrew

I miss my boyfriend

I actually care about him

He's a good guy

"I'm crazy about you and just wanna make you happy."

Awwwwwwww

Have you ever gone somewhere expecting to meet someone and you end up alone?

it sucks

Especially for me

...

I always build up the excitement, plan out my reactions and imagine what I'll do in my head.

Then when I'm there and they're not I just feel sad

And cheated on inside

Like when I brought a rose for no one on Valentine's Day

I want to cry when I see that stupid bear with a hoodie and peace sign.

Just show up on time

Or I'll overreact. Forever.

Oaggggg

There are a lot of attractive aspects about things and a lot of unattractive ones

How do you keep a balance?

I like thinking about the good things a lot and feeling happy on memories but when something bad happens my heart just shatters for a moment....

It's like waking up from a good dream

Nothing's perfect, but it felt so nice for so long!

And now I have to experience disappointment? : (

Weak men and weaker women
Why are my priorities so out of wack

Fuck..... my life

Once a upon a time you had the world, cried, and held on tight
I felt time past and how nothing was inside
Drifting away from my soul you gave yourself one last chance


But it just hurt so much, I'm sorry, baby... I know

If I could comfort you I would

If I really was meant to be with you maybe none of this would have happened

Everyone is broken

Our dreams shattered


I know you can't excuse a tempting devil

But I've been had and tasted another world

So many

...

So many things I never thought about or saw.



What did you expect me to do?

Cry forever over you? Over us?

"you'll be fine..."

Those last words

You told me that I would be fine

and I am.

I am fine.

I am delicate. I am nice. I am a punishment.

I am acceptable, adequate and purifying.

I am fine.

I wanna be spoiled with roses and crafts.

I can understand why people thought Tommy was gay

He made me great jewelry...

And bought me designer clothes...

Why do I decide to be stupid so much?

I just wanna take bits of my life and staple them together to be happy forever...

That's all I want

Is to be happy all the time: (

Some things make me snap so easily....

I don't know why, but I really like the way Andrew says "Get out of here"

It makes me want to come to him

Maybe it's reverse psychology... xD

but he's one heck of a sexy guy

<3

<3

<3

Mm

this fella

it's 3am

I am currently far from patient and easily agitated

however...

i have won a draft and it feels good, man

i am once again victorious

and will continue a winning streak for a while

because I am good at Magic.

Lovely, lonely winter night
Why you've been so out of sight
I love you once, I love it all
Why did my heart have to fall
So it's time once again
For this unfortunate trend
Sadness glows around the dark
Leaving many an open mark
Cut are tended sores are burned
Fitting penalty that was earned
I miss my head once light and sound
Now it rolls heavily on the ground
Sing some more, a bitter feel
I'm tired now, I've lost my zeal
............

Hello, world








it's cold, lonely and sad







I've slept alone for too long








I haven't had much to do






I miss music, art and writing







I'm only 19..... why does this matter so much






Why do I fear the next ten years? Am I going to end up a loser? Will I still be alone inside?
I want to be successful and active. I don't want to be caught up inside and stuck at home with no one to keep me company in times of need.


Friends are so nice. I like hanging out and seeing them often.

I love few things in my life.

There are just too many moments when I give up and coast on my age, but soon I won't be able to do that.

I just want to leave forever.

I can't go away for long and I don't know why.

I'm not exactly restricted.

I just start feeling bad for those I leave behind when I can easily not come back.

Who's going to hold onto and convince me that everything will be alright?

That I won't fall into some lifeless routine

That I will make something out of my life

That I will be able to see it all

That I won't have to stay at home when I want to go out

That I will always have the option to go out




I don't know....

Don't things just seem easier to do alone without any connections to anyone?





Starting over every time.

Sometimes when I don't get enough attention from Andrew or if he did something annoying I'll try to go to someone who's funny and will be creepy by listening in to what they're doing

For instance I wanted Andrew to hug me while I moped for a bit and take in his love (because I'm a weirdo) and he just didn't want to move because his arm was comfortable... so instead of me being visibly upset at losing I just left and walked over to Drew and KJ and ate my subway cookies

I love drew and kj

They were just talking in funny voices and playing magic so silly

I really liked watching them, especially drew

He's just so quick and the interactions between him and kj were perfect.

I pray to God that they'll be going to the ptq

A five hour drive with them seems like heaven.

:))

People have been telling me to not just settle with Andrew

Why?

who do they expect me to be with??

an astronaut who won the pro tour and saved the world?!

A lot of people from game academy and coolstuff just judge him from the way he looks his age and job delivering pizza or whatever

Like there are some people I really don't like at coolstuff who talk about Andrew being a creepy weirdo and then fucking ask me out and then pretend to wait for me to break up with him

Some people make me sick

Some guys were telling me about how he used to flirt with Jimmy's girlfriend and what a creep he was which I can kind of imagine but don't believe

Then those same guys would hit on me

Idiots

I like Andrew

He's not stupid

I also love how much he loves me

Moments when he kisses my forehead or squishes me a little when we're holding onto each other makes me go mushy

He's just so sweet and nice

Especially when compared to those scums

Of course they don't understand

They always find girls who like bad boys who are jerks

I feel smart for not friend zoning the nice guy

I do admit that it's a little bit weird that I'm 19 and that Andrew is 27 though...  just a little bit. And that I started dating him less than a month after I turned 18. >_<

So my sister was dating this guy and went over to his place.

In his room he casually said "Oh Yeah, I have a cat"

So  my sister freaked out and said "oh my God, I am really allergic to cats!" before leaving

Afterwards twice a week he'd vacuum his entire house and keep his cat Outside for whenever my sister came over.

He really, really, really liked her.

Seeing some nice diamond rings on reddit which led me to think..

I'd rather get a Black Lotus as an engagement thing rather than a diamond ring. xD

Fuck, musicians are sexy.

Why do I keep saying this?

It's because I keep listening to music

and whenever I find something incredibly genius I get turn on

so I blog...

ha

also, happy 17,000 views on my blog!

I know that's not in the millions

but still, 17k is a lot

:)

I feel like you guys really ARE listening.

Darn. I'm going to miss the "Will you marry me?" text...

I actually didn't say "Yes" immediately and then didn't even say "yes" at all

Aren't you proud of me?

I like saving texts that feel important

Oh well.

It's an old phone

I used to be really upset when my ex watched porn.

I felt like I couldn't take care of him or something

And I was jealous of the naked girls he'd watch get fucked

And then I'd imagine him imagining that he was fucking them which also made me jealous

and then I met a guy who didn't watch porn
He thought it was gross
But he could appreciate pics of tits

That Guy made me really happy

It was a nice period of time

Best two months ever

Now that I'm dating Andrew I prefer not to talk about it with him
I know enough from Reddit that the majority of guys watch porn and masterbate even if they have a wife or girlfriend

Which is stupid.

I fucking hate porn

It makes me upset

First of all you're watching other people have sex. That's kinda weird. Isn't it supposed be private and between the people doing it? Idk. I don't like it.

Also, porn gives guys awful ideas for sex and horrible ideals for what girls should do.

I just hear so much about girls being treated like animals or a piece of meat or whatever and that makes me angry.

I'm probably just upset over nothing

There needs to be more good looking Magic players

That's why there aren't any girls playing

If I were single I wouldn't date any of those guys playing magic at cs or ga

Geez, sports cars and bucket seats are fucking sexy

....

so sexy

Ugh, Nick is so freaking adorable and nice
He just laughs so much and so dorkily

I hope we never run into a discussion about cars or politics

I went x-2 but gave chazz the win in case we could split any money.
Poop.

I wanted more attention from Andrew after my losses

I guess they were during bad times because he was busy
.thank goodness kj is going to the ptq
I really like him and his friends a lot. They're hilarious!

I wish will and drew could make it to the ptq
I will have to ask them.

The more the merrier: )

I really miss nice cars

I'm going to have to ask Nick to drive me around more
I hate mustangs....
But they feel so much better than an xterra or van
I can't believe he delivers pizza in that gas guzzler

Weird

Anyway

I'm sleepy

When Tommy was bulked he was 165 and then 145 when we broke up because he worked nights. He had a nice butt.. and sculpted arms. He's the only guy I've made do pull ups and push ups shirtless he was so fine.

Guy was 135ish and tooooooooo skinny at 6' because he was starving but looked much better at the end and was fattened to about 145-150. God his arms were disgustingly skinny when i met him but his forearms were sexy. Then he gained weight and became perfect. like a demigod perfect in my eyes. Or maybe my memory's skewed

I think Andrew is 180 now. He's 27 though..He's neither a martial arts teacher nor starving. We should really work out together. With Tommy I was fit and working out and with Guy I was just wannorexix. I should be healthy with Andrew.

Just felt like talking about the men who were/are in my life: ex 1, this guy, andrew

I love(d) them all differently and want to explain why through comparing them with their pros and cons

Ex1
Pros: manly, healthy, rich, knowledgeable about manly things (can fix EVERYTHING, cars, guns,whatever), martial arts, video game master, sexy uniform, nice cars, nice place to live, Vietnamese, loyal, loved me... gosh that v-shaped body was beautiful

Cons: stupid as fuck, didn't physically express love or care, far from romantic, his mom...

LOVE: High school sweetheart. I loved him very much and miss him for the capability of constant company and communication. He didn't deserve to get his heart broken... I'm sorry. We were great together except for the fact that I was smarter than him at age 13 and then by the time I was 17 my intellect was just on a completely different level than his. His texts were written awfully and his math was even poorer. I remember the day I first let him go at 5AM and the tears in his eyes. I just wanted to hold onto him but whatever. He cheated on me and married that white horse bitch. My perfect first boyfriend.

Guy

Pros: sexy as fuck. 6' Tall, hazel eyes, shaggt light brown hair, skinny with abs, musician, writer, traveler, good at complimenting me, insane hormones, clever, knows many languages, experienced, travels

Cons: hard to live up to (I get lazy), gone, stubborn, hard to get through to, broke, family hated him, selfish

LOVE: Pure lust... sexiest guy I ever met. I wanted him so bad. I'm pretty sure I waited for him and thought of him and was super creepy for the three months he ignored me after my parents emailed him. I was 17. I could never control myself when I was around him. Fucking musicians. He was a really pretty white guy. Probably my idea of the perfect boyfriend. So tall and skinny but fit. Oh gosh, I forgot that he loves cooking.

Andrew

Pros: loves me, very sweet, smart, here, comfortable, compatible, other things...
Cons: poor, wants specific answers, introvert, five cats, not fit, annoyed at my placement of items in his space (especially for short moments like showing off my deck)

Love: This kind of love is the foundation of stable relationships. He's great. I would say more about him but I'm so sleepy. Let's see... he holds onto me and I can just feel that he loves me so much and that he's happy. He's here for me when I need him and whenever he stares and smiles my heart starts to melt. I trust him. I don't worry about him and other girls. We're just so good together. He's like an actual first boyfriend. <3

Met the most adorable guy ever today

He's going to be a hilarious good friend

As long as we don't talk about religion and politics

Blogger has become my go to venting thing.

Thank you for listening, strangers

Valentine's Day is my favorite...

I don't get angry enough to receive forgiving roses.

When do I get roses again?

Ugh, so many beautiful boys and girls. I want to be one....

I don't like the part where Andrew doesn't wake up until like 2:30

!&7f!n9_3@m3//5f0_1q%pr349_3#_b

I just want to say

I can pretend to be this for a while.

I guess

I could become a page

I hate being on my period.

There's this girl version of Kyle I'm jealous of because I try so hard to be like him but better but both of them just get people to fall in love with them easily and I'm learning to do that and can make it happen but just not as effortlessly as they do. I go to other places and try to make people fall in love with me and remember me but they both just go travel so casually and people are automatically drawn to them and are willing to do so much for them....

Ugh.

So jealous and can't explain clearly

I think I'm completely over Kyle because I'm friends with him and 2% not over Tommy because I'm not friends with him. : (

I'm a nice girl.

Halloween Horror Nights wasn't nearly as fun when I didn't bring home fifty million plushies from carnival games home.

Sometimes I get lonely and start looking through my contacts to see who I should call but I can never find anyone I'm willing to talk with

Then I call Andrew to pester him and feel love so I can run away from being so lonely...

Sometimes guys ask me how the heck did he manage to make me his girlfriend

And I think what do they mean how

He asked me out

We saw each other

We saw each other again

And we liked each other.

That's how

I want to be a Magic baller

I wanna travel to play in Grands Prix and Pro Tours

I wanna have everything paid for and stuffs

Live the awesome Magic life...

I think Andrew and Sarah would be a good couple.

She is very nice and acts adorably

She seems kind and stuff

I think I've become old and jaded

That's what I get for turning 19 u_u

why is buying a house so much cheaper than renting.... u_u

I can afford a $400/mo mortgage

rawr

maybe i should just live alone.

Yeap. I wanna lose weight.

i am so freaking moody right now

i'm going to fail my calc test

and all i wanna do is see my boyfriend

and all of these guys ido not care about whatsoever are trying to talk to me and comfort me

and it's a;welkjfffffffffffffffff

sigh

Andrew and I have different ways of asking each other for more specific answers to our questions

I feel like he usually tells me "Babe, you're still not answering my question"

so I think to myself... "Yeah, I did."

and when I ask him something and he doesn't give me an answer I want I just ask a different question changing my what to who, why, how or when.

Yeap.

Just saying.

Freaking hate myself so much now.

Dear God, help me do well on my calc one exam... please : (

Gosh, I got so angry when Andrew said "I thought you like getting hit on"

There's a difference between a guy asking for my name and number asking to take me out to lunch and a guy asking about my favorite guild before playing our match and leaving

There's no use of trying to explain the things that happen to me in an inpatient tone in front of Joe and Taylor

I was happy today. Hopefully I'll figure things out

It's your time to shine, buddy
I've put out a distress signal

First come first hero/heroine,,

Every single fucking modo experience for me has been bad. Jesus Christ

God dammit, what and idiot

My body can't handle dusty places

God fucking dammit

Honestly, I feel like a slave to my past trying to uphold caused I don't believe in anymore

I want to meet someone who'll completely blow me out of the water and who'll make me feel as if a shotgun was held up against my chest blowing everything apart

I wanna take a huge gasp of air feeling as if I'm finally alive again after being dead for so long....

That's all I want

Someone new who'll tell me what to do

I likes writing that presents itself as a hidden genius falsely

....

I like art

And music

And emotions.

Sometimes I feel like I'm never letting my real emotions show

Instead I just allow myself to be submerged into situations or have hormones take over.

I am sleepy.

I love tall white guys..

Nerdy ones too

I don't like hair that's too long.

I really appreciate beautiful eyes

I dislike being told what to do

I love flattery
~~~~~

I need two Huntmasters

I feel ugly today

I have pimples

It's not nice

Guys still flirt with me

But I'm ugly..

I miss Andrew

I want him to hug me and say that I'm pretty.

Mmmm. Boy do I love me some compliments

Some guy

My friend

...

Some guy was teaching me this new writing thing similar to leet and I figured it out quickly

Then after I could reply and stuff he said....

"h4n7457!9_3#b3rh0rw4nc3i+=?0_@r3411?^4r3//50w37f!n6&70^83f01d+=8_7//?0_$5f0_1d$41r34d?%xn0m@7f47+r!6h7j"

"Will you marry me?"

what is the right response to that?

sure, it's a joke

but

idk

I don't like it

as soon as Andrew said "that's back to back bad news -_-" i felt sick to my stomach.

*sigh*

I be wait'n on him like it be nuthin'
but deep inside it be sumthin'
he go smilin like im his world
But I know he be chasin roun' other girls
He hold me tight, he takes it low
But he dont kiss me the same no mo

We be keep'n each utter awake by lyin tuh urselves

"U be independent" I says

No need to be wit somun who gonna probably hurt yu

Huggin n kissin is nice

But It don't be no independence

It don't be no independence...

Lying to urselves

Huggins n kissins b duh world...

I crossed my heart and hoped to die
That you would finally find out why
I took a chance to be fantastic
Which made me real, no longer plastic
I'm sorry that I let you go
But there is so much I need to know
hypothesis and conclusion were on my mind
As well as test subjects for me to find
Haven't you heard the cost of understanding?
It's a depressing reality that's quite demanding
Oh well, I've tried. There's always hope
So far as I go looking down a scope
To save the world I'll be myself
and hide my feelings on the shelf
Two plus two six minus four
The secret meaning, the enlightening core
Aristotle was sad and so am i
For what I feel has been a lie.

I was reading through my worst Valentine's day......

I don't understand.

I've only said "I love you" to Tommy and Andrew so it feels so weird and awkward when people just say that they love me.... I just smile and act nice or ignore it in chats. >_<

It's weird sending out clips of sound to teach someone Vietnamese

I'm weird.

I got like at least $100 worth of crap for my boyfriend.

One year anniversaries!!!! <3

He's going to have the best looking garden in town : )

Ugh. I highly dislike a high gain sound on electric guitar...

Also
Idk
Attractive people.

It was a deeper voice than I remembered

But then it all came back to me..

Singing

What the hell am I doing to myself.

Jesus fucking Christ. I will go ballistic if I have to stay somewhere messy for more than three days.

All I want is some order and control in my life

The easiest things I can control are my living area, weight and grades.

Please

I just wanna be clean and organized.

Geez.... do I feel like a lonely loser or what?

Ugh, I just wanted a response

I'm being taken over by chemicals and need to cool down.

It's hard for me to remember that I started dating Andrew a mere three months later......

Sksjdhajsjd.

Hippies

reading this again made me so happy

and i don't know why.

W: let's give it a try!

10:33 PM installing...

  it's funny how watched pots never boil

  and watched progress bars never progress

 me: Unless you're really patient

10:34 PM I've seen pots boil!

  >_<

 W: hahaha

  that made my evening

  as have i

  you are quite right

Your responses indicate that you have a normal desire to share yourself with others. However, this need is not being adequately fulfilled at present.

As a result, you unconsciously attempt to treat this emptiness with momentary interests and temporary passions. If left unaddressed, this imbalance leads to impulsive behavior and unnecessary risks.

Past betrayals have left you generally suspicious of others’ behavior, particularly regarding romantic relationships. You fear you may be exploited if you open yourself too fully. Consequently, you often seek some proof of a new friend’s or lover’s sincerity before you decide to trust them.

Further complicating your relationships is the anxiety you have about your unfulfilled personal and professional goals. You fear that you’ve made decisions that weren’t in your own best interest, or failed to take advantage of opportunities when they presented themselves.

The desire to overcome these challenges sometimes lead you to seem pushy or even arrogant. Because this competitive urge is not always apparent to others, they are often surprised by it.

However, the passion that underlies your desire for success is unique. This makes you unlike others. You cannot simply accept what life has to offer; you aspire for more.

.........................................

Your responses indicate a desire to overcome a persistent feeling of emptiness or dissatisfaction. You believe life should have more to offer, and fear you have somehow not achieved everything you deserve.

Your desire for legitimate respect and success has led to increasing anxiety. Consequently, you no longer exhibit some of the friendliness and openness for which you were once known.

Your responses indicate a desire to overcome a persistent feeling of emptiness or dissatisfaction. You believe life should have more to offer, and fear you have somehow not achieved everything you deserve.

Your desire for legitimate respect and success has led to increasing anxiety. Consequently, you no longer exhibit some of the friendliness and openness for which you were once known.

Similarly, you fear being overly influenced by others. You are often fiercely independent, which sometimes leads to being resistant to the opinions of friends and relatives — even to the point of denying what you fear may actually be true.

This behavior stems from your wish to be regarded as an authority. It leads you to react strongly when you suspect you might be wrong. At times you feel that too much is being asked of you, and that you are not properly recognized for your efforts. This situation — be it fueled by others’ jealousy or negligence — adds to the stress in your life.

Luckily, your determination is unyielding. Unlike others facing similar adversity, you forge ahead despite the challenges. Through strength of will or simple endurance, you are unique in your ability to withstand the troubles of a complicated life.

Seeing people taking martial arts classes from and prasing my married ex makes me want to fucking throw up.

Jesus Christ

fuck this

blergh...... I'm spending a lot of money I don't have.

If you've had dreams you must be alive
in some world where you cannot thrive
portals to new kingdoms where you have a chance
people are wonderful, colors enhanced
no mistakes made you control it all
where you can be tiny or eight feet tall
remember you first kiss? try it again
not once or twice, maybe ten
who cares if it's mental, if it's all in your mind
only a crazy person would actually whine
why do i cry, because tears are fake
my emotions are anything that i want to make
you can hold some close and look in the dark
think of your future, light a quick spark

a'i3rja[2i3afwp3fa
2q
op23jq'p23ijf
2qr[3f

i'm not even learning from people who are making the same mistakes as me

God mother fucking dammit

what the hell

ugh

I hate my misfortunes so much

at this moment

I miss my laptop

I miss winning

I am so angry and frustrated that I'm crying

al;ejwekl;ftjaopitjfoajkwelf

I don't like

how I have people making me feel better

when it's usually the other way around

"I miss you a lot, actually

  but I'm not gonna get caught up in those details

I still need to sleep tonight, after all"

I'm not going to lie... that felt really good

Geez

I can't believe I'm so old

and  now I'm grumpy

"me: You are pretty intelligent, I like people on or above my level

                X: As do I

  
which in no way means I like, well, anybody

  but I like you

 if we were the same age, I'm not so sure I'd be more intelligent than you

 I've just done more than you have

  but truthfully speaking

  you probably have more raw brain power than I do

 which both pisses me off and turns me on"

Mm. I understand what X means. Ha. I'm competitive so I want to be the best yet I want someone at least on my level.

I'm feeling a lotttttttttttttttttttttttttt better now

my future travel companion will teach me a lot

and keep my emotions in check

Now every time I feel bad I can play Chubby Bird

listen to the music

and relax

Ha.

I miss beautiful people

but I guess that's what happens when i surround myself with gamers instead of hipsters

*sigh*

I like longer hair

not long hair

but longer, kinda like surfers, kinda like hippies

and stubble

and musicians

I like flattery and people love to compliment me.

:3

I want to cry out of frustration towards nothing.

Oh yeah, and another thing that sucked is that I didn't get the house I wanted and have to find another to try and buy. Blech

I'm pretty sure that the PMS is getting me thinking about breaking you up with Andrew so he won't have to deal with me

Geez. How depressing is today?

I've been sick at school throwing up every hour during class and can't keep any food in my stomach. When I got home I started to writhe in pain through a fever of aches and sweat for an hour while waiting for my medicine. Afterwards I gave in and went to get a shot to stop all the vomiting of the empty contents in my stomach. I never cried so long because of physical pain.

All this is happening while blood is gushing out of my vagina and my abdomen is swollen and cramped just because my body is readying itself for a baby. Why couldn't I handle a surge of hormones myself? My mother had to rub cooling oil on my body and warming oil on my stomach. Then she brought an iced wet towel for my forehead. My little sister drove out and waited at the pharmacy to buy my medicine before giving them to me in doses she measured out. My dad held a patient back to give me a shot and is closing the clinic early before completing any paper work to check up on me.

Besides those worries I now have Andrew waiting for who knows how long just to hang out with my sick self, though I feel better at this point, after driving down here for maybe half an hour. I still have a fever and my stomach still hurts, but I feel better now physically.

I just don't wanna worry anymore, especially about wasting Andrew's time, and I'm doing it at the expense of my family having to worry about my health.

I'm the worst child ever.

This is the most fucking painful day at school ever.

Lolani held onto the arm of one the grey ogres standing next to her in order to pull herself up onto the ledge of the village fountain. Now everyone could see her and she could see everyone, just how she liked it. She patted down the front roll of her dress to make sure she was still decent even if she had some skin showing. The plated crimson dress was modeled after the infamous Liliana's and the well-known Chandra's usual attire. Lolani liked to believe she was the better version of those two combined.

"Good good. Now that I've got your attention I'm going to tell you a story" she said to the people of Truvensdale. "Hey! Will the secret you reveal work on you?" a young man heckled. She cast a quick spell and shot water from the fountain towards him. The murmuring of the townspeople stopped. The only people who knew how to utilize the abundant mana in their little village were Fred and James. "That's what you get for interrupting, but to answer your question yes the secret works on me. However, you are going to have to master love better than I in order to be successful."
~~~~~~

The woman speaking was the most gorgeous creature Fred had ever seen. She looked human but he felt like there was more to her. No one in town had hair or eyes nearly as dark or mysterious as hers. He was immediately entranced and couldn't take his eyes off of her, especially since the two hideous ogres guarding her enhanced her beauty so intensely and were not pleasing to look at. It was a trap and he knew it, but he didn't mind. Fred was the kind of guy who enjoyed things while they lasted.

"Ya see that? She made the water come outta the fountain and hit Nate!" James exclaimed. He looked over to his best friend just to realize that Fred was completely smitten and let out an overly exaggerated groan. "Not again... She's just going to be another Sherry, Fred. Aren't ya curious about how she's usin' the mana 'round here? Maybe we could learn from her!" James wanted to practice using the plentiful resources he could feel circling around him, but he never found another spellcaster besides Fred until now...

Fred and James were running in the woods and around the trees in a game of chase without any actual chasing. The boys' laughter echoed throughout the forest causing villagers to randomly stop what they're doing to look up and smile. Their bright spirits were known by all of the townsfolk and everyone could feel that they were destined for greatness. Fred and James were unrelated, but their fathers had been best friends and were neighbors so naturally they spent time and grew up together. Although they were only eight years old they already had some small responsibilities such as meeting up with the old folks and helping bring kindling to homes in the morning. The virtual brothers never separated from one another whether they had to go to school, church or play. They knew that when they would need to face their prophesied challenge leading them to greatness they would only have each other to depend on.

````````````````````````````````````````

"Aha! I've rolled a three and will summon a mighty centaur to fend off your puny merfolk." Fred exclaimed as he gathered just enough mana to conjure a small green centaur illusion on the stump of a once mighty oak tree. The stump had so many rings that as kids Fred and James could never count high enough and when they became older they decided to not try and count again. The boys were playing a game of wizards' war by the creek to pass some time before they needed to return to their studies. "Oy, no fair. You always make centaurs! Why don't you try making something different for once? Even trying to make a bear would do ya good" James said as he leaned his head against his arm on the stump. He sighed and rolled his die which landed on a four. After thinking a bit he collected four wizard units of blue mana and decided to surround his merfolk with water by creating a pond for it. "What's that going to do?" Fred asked. "I'm not sure yet, but I figured that since he's a merfolk that water oughta protect 'im." "That seems right, if my centaur attacked him he wouldn't get too hurt underwater."

The chapel bells rang and reverberated between the trees. Fred quickly rolled his die and saw that it landed on a one before moving his hand through the centaur illusion to dissipate his creation. "Time to go back!" "Ey, I saw that one!" Fred began running and James started chasing him just like the old days. Soon they were running alongside each other  and about to race when they noticed the area around the town fountain was gathering a group of people. They slowed their pace to go around and get a better view when they heard a sultry voice start to speak. "Humans of Truvensdale! I have arrived here today to save you all from having to suffer and work through a common challenge in life. Come up everyone and I shall reveal to you the secret to solving the problem of.... finding love."

````````````````````````

I don't really like white women

Ever know someone who you wanted to hold onto you so badly that you were willing to lie down with them in the simmer heat?

Ever purposely lift up your shirt just for the slightest contact of skin in hopes to get things started?

Sleeping dreamers... good times.

I wish I could sleep with Andrew and wake up next to him comfortably.

When I move out I plan to have a cleaning schedule with rotating duties.

I already know that I want my sheets to be white and comforter to be red.

I'm going to have a closet, two nightstands and an armoir in the room. Idk How to spell armoir.

In the  second room will be two desks with computers. Andrew's and my section will be split. I will have a keyboard and guitar. Magic cards will be organized in hotels.

The living room will have a tv, couch, coffee table and gaming systems.

The kitchen will have a counter for bar stools.

There will be no dining room table.

There will be a screen porch for the cats and a cat door from screened porch to outside and a cat door from house to screen porch. The door to going into the house will only be opened when Andrew is home awake.

The house will probably be vacuumed twice a week.

I want a spotless living area.

The house won't have too many little decorations.

It will feel a little empty, but very clean.

When I get home from school or work I expect to be able to take off my clothes in order to jump in bed without experiencing any discomfort

I also would like to jump on the couch and nap with the tv on after class comfortably.

I hate allergies and not being organized.

It's probably because I don't have much control in my life.

I may get a pet pig. He'll probably grow up thinking he's a cat.

People are investments.

I think I could live my life without loving

and just having crushes

until I have a kid of something

then I'd put real effort and energy and everything i've got into that kid

maybe

right?

that sounds like me.

in my head at least.

according to nick though, i'm very romantic

and i'm going to find someone to actually marry

ha

he knows me pretty well though

the weird thing is,

i kinda felt like he was hoping

I forget about Brett Giller

it's probably because I didn't kiss him.

He's very....

Ugh.

Too far back. I need to focus on the present

Stupid memories.

Man, I sure do miss being 17...

What a good life!!!

Damn, I can't believe it's been two year. o_o

Lol, wow.

I understand that conversations are private... but this is just an example of how someone else is basically another version of me or vice versa. Ha! 
Sorry, X...

me: religion will slowly die off

  at least I think so

  newer ones will replace it

 X: It'll be replaced, actually

  yeah that's it

 me: I used to be SUPER Catholic

  I prayed like 50 Hail Marys a day

 X: just newer cults, that worship the same concept under different names

 me: but after going to UCF it seemed a little ridiculous

  there are a lottttt of atheists now

 science is really becoming a thing

 X: we're seeing the cult of science emerge right now

 me: we're saying the same things differently

 X: and the cult of atheism, for that matter

 me: at the same time

 X: yeah exactly

It's fucking ridiculous

 that shit pisses me off

  damn

  and just when I thought I was in a good mood

  lol

 me: well, I have to go to sleep now

 X: who am I kidding?

  Ah.

  Well

  goodnight, sweetheart

 me: be in a better mood!

 think of unicorns and butterflies or something in front of a lake

  Good day. I'll cya later. :)

 X: Yeah imma go find some duck hearts to munch on

  that should do it

  sweet dreams

geez...

I missed hearing someone tell me the perfect words for any situation <3

it's like

he knows me so well

and he has so much experience

it's just so good.

and i can just reread them over and over again.

Time to vent to Kyle.

I love special treatment!

Feels good to be Nhi sometimes, even after I lose every draft this month.

I guess I'm still used to my ex actually pushing me and me pushing him

That sucks

I wish Andrew drafted with me in real life on Tuesday : (

I would definitely pre-order Vraska for Andrew if I didn't know that her price will plummet. Maybe for Christmas?

I could get him a playset of Terminus and Underworld Connections.

I probably love my boyfriend too much.

I really want to get Huntmasterssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

...

...

hm

Idk!

I am getting my boyfriend so much stuff.

~~~~~~~

I remember when I first started going out with my ex

He made a gold bracelet for me for out six month anniversary

Sweet thing, I didn't get him a gift. Ha

After that day I could never stop spoiling the guys I love

I have ~$50

after buying the plane ticket

~40 by friday

-60 by saturday

+80 by Tuesday

-70 Friday

-45 Friday

-20 Saturday....

I guess I can afford a prerelease if I don't spend any money on more cards......

But I also have to buy Andrew an anniversary present!!!!!!!

What the heck do I get him?

Ah.. my third kiss.

First is the worst
Second is the best
And third is the treasure chest.

Andrew's my treasure chest. <3

Or hairy chest. Lol.

I worked an extra five hours so thats like 35 bucks? Poops.

I mean I would never let someone know if I read their diary.

It makes things awkward to discuss personal things.

I don't care if you know. Don't let me know that you know.

I'm not a friend to whom you speak your concerns
I'm not interested in getting you to learn
Do what I like or leave me alone
Never talk to me in that kind of tone
If you tell me what to do I'm going to run
At least by myself I get things done
I might not be that rhino in the sky
However I'm real and you can die
No more imagination, we're all quite dull
I listen to your words as a way of lull
Thank you for reading and be a good sport
Never mention this to me as a cohort

Heybabyyouvegottolistenyouvegottohearmeoutimjusttoobadforyouyoushouldaleftwhileyoucouldandnowyouseeiwasmisunderstoodiknowicanttellyouwhattodobutbabyiknowtoobadforyou

Mynightsconsistofnolingeringthoughts
Inevercaredforanyfightsoncefought
Imselfishasmuchasagirlcanbe
Sothatmeansthatnooneelseisallowedharmony

Iforgetwhoyouarewhenimeetanewguyiamalwaysalonewhenistarttocryijustwannaroamtheearthlikeagypsyandfindnewlovewhenecerigettipsy

Today I saw that it's Tommy's birthday on Facebook. Then I remembered Kyle's birthday is soon.

I remember that I met Kyle on October 2nd 2010 during a full moon. I was on my way walking to Adam's car when his harmonica playing caught my attention. I suddenly stopped mid-step and decided to sit down. Adam was confused but sat down with me to listen too until Shane and Ali impatiently called us to the car.

Ahhhh harmonica guy.

"Brianna, he was so gay." "The harmonica guy?!?!" "Yes"

Lol

Sometimes Andrew just does not know the right things to say.

After the prerelease I will probably stop for a while until Joe and Taylor make me practice. After San Jose though I'd rather save my money to go to England. I don't really need to build decks. 

I will probably earn 1500 more dollars this year. 500 for LA with Andrew and 1000 for England. That is my plan. 

Also, I want to really start my diet. Ugh. I hate not being confident.

I think that I'm going to quit Magic soon.

I've been ignoring Kyle for a longgggg time. I think I only talk to him when I'm feeling extra down or when I'm extremely bored.

I've made  a huge mistake.....

The good news is that I've learned my lesson and it's only to look one month ahead.

I've been moody lately. I must be getting my period soon.

Traded bonfire for snapcaster,sword of war and peace, bloodline keeper and Sigarda

I wonder if Andrew remembers that I gave him Bruna

Holy shit, T o b y T o b k i n! (I spaced out his last name because what if he googles it? Lol. Hawkward!)

Anyway, he just saved my life. Thank you.

I remember when Andrew took me to Alex's comedy show

I was so worried that Alex, Clay and Nick would hate me for bringing a guy who heckled.

It was only once though and I prayed that he wouldn't do It again. He didn't.

Lol. Good times...

I had insane confidence then. Every boy I met was chasing me but inefficiently. Ha. Whatever.

I hate being 19. I think like two months ahead.

I don't know what to get my boyfriend. If I buy him a trench coat he would never wear it... Do you know how freakin hot it is in Florida?!?

Money buys the gift but I have to figure out the right one. :(

I was thinking about an automatic cat litter thing but that would be a terrible anniversary present.

He doesn't wear jewelry so no rings.

I'm not sure about and specific cards. Maybe he could use another Jace but he doesn't need it. For his birthday I gave him zombies and then some.

Uh...

I always give him Magic cards in hopes he'll think of me when he plays them like Snapcasters, Zombies or Bonfire for Tamiyo. I didn't think he would trade the Bonfire.

I always think of him when I play werewolves.

Maybe I can take him out somewhere really, really nice to eat

Well... idk

When I saw the eye patch guy on top decking I thought he was pretty hot

Then he introduced himself to Becca as Kyle and suddenly he wasn't so hot and my smile quickly faded

Stupid eye patches

And white people names

I'll probably never know what it's like to go out with someone my age.

Tommy, Kyle and Andrew are so old..

If I was dating someone my age they'd probably go to UCF with me. We could go to each others classes and have lunch together. It'd be so nice to see each other every day. Hm... it'd be so convenient

Sounds from Sunday morning by Vi3tHoneyX

It started out as bad freestyling crap in my bed. I was lonely and reminiscing

Sounds from Sunday morning by Vi3tHoneyX

Then I decided to write a poem.

--------
Sometimes I close my eyes in the dark
Waiting for you to cause a spark
Sometimes I wait alone in my room
Hoping you'd come to save me soon
Oh baby you're my dream, my only hope
You are what it seems my way to cope
I'm trying to see that no one's there
Listening to people say "life's not fair"
I know the secret to ruling the earth
Anyway I still love you for what It's worth

You may have gone across the globe
Leaving a negative charge because you're polar
You might have tricked me to pay
So let our lives become a clever fable
I used to just toss my heart
But after years I've gotten smarter.

@@#@#

I'm done writing bad lines tonight.

I probably will only go to Charleston if I can somehow create a new connection

One day we'll take over the world

Inside.... the life I'm living is all a lie and my true self is waiting

Mostly because I am swayed so easily with dreams

Ugh. My one year anniversary is in three weeks. Need to get something fabulous

Boys who play CFG on the guitar and a bad A minor freestyle on the  piano bother me

Not sure if I'm jealous and if I am why...

I don't want any useless talents

I'm comparable to heroin

I'm basically becoming a girl version of Kyle, but better... a much nicer, better version.

Why are there so many people in love with me?

Weird dream.

The only part I remember is Kyle returning to see me and he was gorgeous.

I win drafts so often. Infinite packs feel good, man. The $10 are for the promos every week really.

I WANT TO RANT!!!

I don't feel so lonely anymore... :)

I feel so lonely.

I appreciate all the effort my boyfriend puts I for my happiness. That is why I love him a lot and stuff. :)

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I don't care

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"I dreamt that we were at the beach and I was running my fingers through your hair umtil you fell asleep on me. I always dream about what im thinking about and for the past few weeks I've only thought about you..."

Guys are stupid

What a nice dream

I hate my memories

Sometimes I actually miss the past and reliving certain moments actually hurt more than how good it felt at the time.... :(

I wanna hug from Andrew.

I don't ever wanna let him go.

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"Good morning, beautiful"

"Hey there! How are you? :)"

"Good now because I'm talking to you. Do you like waking up to my texts?"

Yes

Yes I do

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The beginning of a relationship is always my favorite.

I have a lot of guys who just treat me like they're kind of dating me. They're sweet and say stupid things and do really nice things for me

which makes me miss feeling what it's like to receive all of that kind of attention from someone I like.

Let's erase everything

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tallskinnymusicianprogrammerwhospeaksandwritesbeautifullyinenglishwitheyesicouldlookintoforeverandthinlips... hunchesoveronceinawhileespeciallywhenhewalks.iwantsomeonewhoslaidbackandcoolupforanythingwithmeyetcaringandsweetasanyguycanbe.heshouldteachmeallthingssoicanliveon.andsmileallthetimeinsteadofgettingpissytildawn.ilovepeople.

Things are not perfect, but I want them to be.I'm not in a rush. I'm only 19, so I can wait... right?Hm.What is perfect for me?

she shivered in the cold exhaling frosty breath

muttering to herself "I'm not ready for death"

she looked up in the sky and thought of a boy

whose heart she had longed to quickly destroy

up mountains through forests to meet hazel eyes

to see the man who'll reach his demise

"Hack me" she said in a weak stance

"010110010110010101110011001011000010000001101101001001110110000101101101" he thought under her trance

Together they stared not knowing what to say

;wej;wlekjfoifjq2iojf[q2tjf2qoiwejkf

Thank god I met Kyle

I wish I could travel with him and experience so many new things

I just want him to teach me so much

Out of all the people I know, I FEEL like he has impacted me the most

Maybe I should go to China and see him

learn some Chinese on the way

play some card games

help him develop his apps

..

I always fall in love with my teachers. ha

like my ex

and then Kyle

but now we're friends, thank goodness

all the Asian girls love him

I've already had my fair share so I don't care anymore

and then I met Andrew

and then my life became perfect.

It's like...

I met the perfect first love

then the perfect "bad guy"

and then the perfect sweet boy I think I should end up with.

I love him a lot you know.

I think he treats me right

even if I get annoyed at little things like misunderstandings, being late, cats and having to be specific

How can someone be so beautiful? I'm using the Google text to speech app on my phone and I'm too lazy to type... but anyways I sell my TA in here. I meant to say that I saw my t a and he was beautiful.

He had the perfect style like he was from the 60's

I'm not sure exactly what it is about him, I love the way his hair was closer so stylish

Kind of like to is so I'm not so sure so I don't like that so much

Anyway, beautiful people seem to make things in life easier

I want to be beautiful. My boyfriends gonna be beautiful.

Everyone is beautiful.

I am so sleepy

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As I learned about pi
I thought of a guy
Who sometimes got high
And wanted to die.
I dreamily sighed
For my past guide
Who caused a divide
Because I lied.

You stole my heart
Don't tear it apart
Blah blah blah

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I think my dad wants me to tell him that I love him...

I don't think I will, not for a while anyway.

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The worst thing about Andrew is that he has five cats, which is good and bad.

It's good because there are a lot of things that could have been bad about him personally, but the worst is just cats.

It's bad because I want to live with him and don't know how I'd handle five cats yet.

Five is a lot!

Home is where I'd like to be comfortable at. I wanna be able to jump on the couch and relax as I watch TV after school.

I'm afraid of having red eyes and itchy skin constantly.

Yeah.... poop

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I like you so much...

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I do not enjoy breaking hearts. I don't like it

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My family drives me insane

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If I wanted to, I could really manipulate people and be evil.

Instead I'm just choosing to be nice and normal, why?

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I've received four texts today from random guys I know who just want to cuddle with me.

Why?

I don't know.

The one right now is having "trouble falling asleep" so I'm going to help by ignoring him

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why am i so spoiled?

my birthday wasn't that great

...

i just want to gets things I like unexpectedly

i have such high hopes for presents

but that's probably because i give other people such great presents...

I still haven't gotten my presents from Nick and Ben or my aunt

I just want a surprise birthday party........

with people i know.....

I just see people

oh never mind.

Anywayyyyyyy

*sigh*

I'm such a whiner.

everyone at the game academy seems to think that guys swarm around me

apparently i have a fan club called the knights who say nhi

i've heard that 10 million times

I hate it when Andrew's mopey

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Karma. This is what it felt like:

Everything sucks in my life. More bad luck things happened in two weeks than I can remember in my life....

Whoops!

Forgot that she's Nhi. Gotta fix that and make her life awesome again.

...

Thanks, life. You're the best! :)

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If money can't buy you happiness, then you're a fool.

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Yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

It's like....

I'm stuck at 17 again.

And instead of two or four packs of cigarettes once in a while

It's two boxes of random dot hack cards.

Whatever.

Life is good

and I miss being Nhi.

:)

White guys are just so damned attractive. All of them.

Especially all of them

Like gingers or brunettes or black haired guys or blondes. Whatever.

I love Andrew. He's a white guy.

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I love being me, Nhi.

I know I'm an awful person though. Ask anyone, they'll see it.

"NHI'S SO EVIL AND SELFISH."

yet awesome and attractive.

That sucks.

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I had a dream last night

I might have mentioned it.

Never mind, I did.

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I love beautiful people.

I love tall people.

I love sweet people who are kind.

The grass was so nice

The sun was so warm

and I waited

All I did was wait

To feel happy

To smile

To kiss you.

"If I lay in the grass now and sing a song, he'll be awake when I get back."

I take a deep breath, finish

and...

nope.

Nope.

nope

nope

Nope.

NOPE.

no.

I always wait.

I don't think I'll draft tonight, instead I'll share a memory.

Actually... I'll think of it in my mind instead, nice and slow

Remember warm peanut brittle?

I purposely left it in the car for you

It was for me, but I knew you liked it too

And George Harrison music

You know how I play FNM and draft every week now

I used to buy CDs.

"What should I listen to?"

becomes

"Who should I be?"

At least it did for me.

I like almost all music.

I can't really get into metal, screamo, dubstep and bad country music though.

I love those songs with the perfect tones and harmony.

Remember when I got to choose a title?

Hm...

I'm so old now, yet so young.

You're old.

So... old.

I've had a diary forever.

maybe people treat each other the best in the beginning of a relationship.

I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so spoiled.............................. xD

Sometimes I just want to have a kid so I can find a man who'll love his stepson.

Those are the best kind of men

the ones who'll care for and love another man's child like his own.

I don't know, but something about that is amazing.

Today I saw a man like that and I couldn't stop smiling

I was so happy for him and his family

His kid probably deserves such a nice guy to be his father

buying him a talrand deck and all.

It was awesome.

I don't know, I just figure that it's so easy for me to do more than one thing even if I'm playing in a draft. I'm always talking and stuff to other people around me during games. When I play I'm on autopilot mode and it's all good. I don't lose often. It's like I learn immediately from all of my mistakes and my brain just programs the best thing to do by default, therefore I may multitask.

How hard can it be to multitask?

Let's find out.

It's kinda making me upset that so many people react like this
"You're dating Andrew? How did he manage to get you?? He's such a lucky guy."
Well, he was interesting kind of when he asked me out on OKC so I didn't ignore him. He didn't seem very attentive towards me and I like A LOT of distance in the beginning of a relationship, you know? I like my room. Other guys just seemed to give me everything too fast: love, money and attention. Also as I kept dating Andrew I found out how wonderful he is, so I love him.
Some guys have said that he's not much competition. Some guys just ignore the fact that I'm taken and keep flirting with me so I wonder what goes on in their mind.
I wonder if the girls from CoolStuff deal with this.

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