I hate talking to you

but I feel like I have to

and it's usually alright

in the end

Well, let's just see what happens

The past is gone and over

And I'm moving on

................

:(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note

I made an OkCupid account two days ago because I read the blog about Jon Finkel being a nerd.

And I wanted to find a guy like him...

And BAM!!!!! Jump to a few hours ago and I've got a former world champion of Yu-Gi-Oh messaging me. Yeah, that's right. ME!!!!

Haha, I love Yu-Gi-Oh!!!!

But I guess I'm going to be shallow and split.

Since this was an experiment anyway. Ha.

I suck.

(But I really am awesome. =p)

Grawr

I still act like a kid.

I still think like a kid.

I'm just a kid.

Growing up kinda sucks.

Also, it feels more difficult becoming an adult

especially when my name (Nhi) literally means kid

or child in Vietnamese

Why????????????

Oh well, whatever.

I will embrace my youth now

and love whatever comes my way

=]

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Hey guys!!!

I kinda have a crush on this guy. Wish me luck!

I feel better now

So please disregard my last entry. Especially if you're a boy. Ha.

I think I'm repulsed by any physically interaction with a boy 99% of the time now.

It used to be 90.

It used to be not at all.

It used be 20.

How sad that is for me

I'm not sure if you noticed

that a lot of guys want to touch me

whether it's holding hands

a hug

a kiss

or more

but lately I've developed a bad habit of just freezing up

and getting scared

but I guess it's just because out of the four boys who I let like me this year

three were creeps

and I keep telling myself never again

ha.

I've never been raped.

I'm just scared

maybe I just don't know...

I don't know, I just don't like being touched by boys anymore

and it's sad because I want to be

maybe one day again, by the right guy

I won't flinch when he grabs my hand to turn me around

as I walk away from him

...

I wish I was able to stay home and play music all day

I would like that

Instead I'm busy :(

Monday-Fri I'm at school and busy from maybe 8AM-8PM, then I'm so tired!!!

Saturday I have church stuff

Sunday I have church stuff

I wish to sleep!

and play music...

all day

every day

It feels like every boy likes me except for the one I like...

An entire conversation

without emoticons either means I really don't care about you or what we're talking about or we're awesome

because we know how we feel

and have no need to convey our emotions online

because the text is good enough

our writing's good enough

our understanding's good enough

and that's just full of awesome.

There's this stupid boy

who just makes me angry every time he asks me out because I already gave him a chance

because he asked me out on April 1st (yeah, I know. I'm dumb/gullible/or whatever)
and I didn't like him but I always give guys at least one chance
and so we set up a date for the next week or so
and the very next day at church he tells everyone about me liking him
and his April Fool's joke
and how he's still with his girl
and I'm just thinking... what an asshole, you know?

And so of course his girlfriend breaks up with him later on
and he keeps asking me out
but I'm too mad at him
I already gave him a chance
in my mind at least, I did.

...

Gr

I'm afraid

I'm really scared.

I don't understand.

I'm losing hope.

I'm getting sad.

I feel confused.

I'm stuck in the past.

Only because of emotions. These are all emotions.

I know that this part only affects about 10% of me.

I'm alright with that.

The other 90% of me is focused on the happy things

So I'm 90% happy with my life.

That's an A in my book

but

I still want it perfect

I don't understand why

Is it because I know I deserve it?

Have I not learned my lesson before???

85 should have kept me happy

I should have just held onto that 85...

I mean in the 10% part I'm feeling now

so that my overall average would be 98.5% happy

not just 90...

you know?

I don't know.

I'm going.

My crushes are really weird

Sorry, I'm talking about love and stuff too much

It's just been on my mind

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE SUMMER

WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO AND ALLOW YOUR MIND TO WANDER OFF

At least during school I have work to occupy my mind

Anyway

My crushes are weird

like... I have a crush on this one guy, but he's not good looking. Just a self-righteous asshole who thinks he knows everything. He seems weird and creepy, so I'm not exactly sure why I have a crush on him. Maybe it's because I like how outspoken he is and how well he stands his ground in opinions or arguments.

And there's this other guy who I like or am just having a crush on because he's so adorable. He's cute, Asian and taller than me. He's really smart too, I guess... but that's not why I'm crushing on him. I just like him because he's cute as in so adorable that I have to smile.

There's this other guy (yeah, I know. A lot of guys it seems, but whatever. It's not like I'm going out with anyone at all. These are just crushes I keep to myself really) who's kinda cute I guess. But I think I really like him just because we have similar interests in computer science and android, but yeah.... oh well.

Then there's Max, but he's obvious. Introduction to logic, which I haven't used at all lately.... ha.

And then there are the funny guys....

And one time I was in love.

So yeah.

I'm kind of lonely, but I'm not going to worry about relationships. Not until a while. I'm only 18.

I've never needed to go on normal dates to get to know a guy better and begin relationships like that. Ha. Idk. Whatever. Goodnight.

Delve

I love that word... bwahaha. So I use it when I can.

I'm horrible at English grammar.

Sometimes it makes me angry, but I mean, I practice.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, commas everywhere!

...

Did you know that pronouns in Vietnamese are generally rude?

I haven't slept since the night of August 17th, I've been so excited for my birthday.

It's 2:30AM August 21 now.

I was in "love"

and then I got kind of grossed out

and figured that it must have been some sort of hormonal imbalance

which would explain why I was so randomly happy earlier.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes you wonder

what do I see in this person?

And of course I'll list everything good

and forget about the bad

all

over

again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don't understand how good this new music sounds to me.

I don't want to be an audiophile

so I won't try to listen to music like one

and will just enjoy it like the simple teenage girl I am

after all, I am still eighTEEN

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I fucking hate changing lanes. Damn you guy who sped up with a pickup truck. You broke my side mirror. D:

And now I'm slightly scared to change lanes. HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE I DRIVE NORMALLY AGAIN?!?!?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, guys.!

I'm not a whore.!

I can't tell whether or not this is an accomplishment...

or just sad.

Bwahahaha, but of course I'll take it for all the good and best reasoning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I want a girlfriend.

:X

I bet I would love her and spoil her so much.

But it'd be tough

because I really like strong menly men. Lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When do crushes go away? They're so bothersome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love school.

And chemistry

and biology

I dream of researching

and discovering

I want to be great

and help out of course

That's my main goal.... to help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love you.

*heart symbols*

Dear Mister,

this is a much more dramatic than I expected, but I just really feel like that in the end, years from now, everything will just fall together so smoothly.

I have no idea what's going to happen.

What if I find a new love?

What if you disappeared?

Maybe I will disappear!

I don't know, it's just the future!!!
...

I am delusional.

But I like to keep hoping

and I like to look back on memories once in a while

I smile a lot, but I'm so hopeless!

Not in a bad way of course,

just in a childish one...

I just love you is all!

SoOOOOOOooOOOOOOoooO

Xiaojun and I will be having the same sociology class together. <3

I kind of hope that I'm not screwing myself over by giving myself an hour less to study chemistry before a test......................

BUT WE SHALL SEE.

I JUST KNOW THAT IT WILL BE WORTH IT IN THE END.

The only thing is that Xiaojun doesn't know much English... and I don't know Chinese. Bwahahahaha. This. Will. Be...... Fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, my birthday was fucking crazy and slightly unfortunate.

I can't remember a lot of it.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!!!

I kind of wish something happened...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, today was fucking miserable. Thanks to God for it is all over.... wooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOooo!!!!!!!!

But yeah. I swore I woke up still high this morning. Then it wore off and I was just sleep deprived. I mean, wtf?!?!

So yeah.

I was at the church thing from 9-8...

It was very sad.

You don't understand how painful it was

Or maybe you do, I don't know.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Also

I am just going to assume that you were there

because it'll make me feel better... you know? Haha.

I AM SPOILING MYSELF SO MUCH

It's crazy that

I'm a rich girl in America

ISN'T IT SO CRAZY?!?!

God, I'm so lucky. I can buy whatever I want.

And thank goodness I don't want crap like purses, shoes and whatever

like I used to............ ugh

But I mean, I CAN buy those items if I want

and I'm not billionaire or even millionaire rich

I just have the opportunity to work, earn money and be rich

For instance

I bought CDs today and spend $50.01

and a pair of headphones for $99 (OMG I AM SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3)

and I'm going to buy a guitar for $200 or so Friday

because I'm spoiled

and I can

I figure that it's my 18th birthday

I might as well get the stuff I like and want

I would feel guilty telling my family and friends what I want, expecting them to buy it for me just because it's my birthday

If they do get me gifts, whatever they are I will be oh so grateful

Because they chose them themselves, you know?

It means more. <3

But yeah. I'M A SPOILED BRAT.

D:

I feel like I should do something about it

like buy random people flowers, drinks and food

Yeah...

=]

I'll do that

I think I'll rewrite my latest blog entry

with better form later... it'll be more like a detailed story/narration thing instead of my 3:30 AM thoughts spewed out onto the screen. Ha.

The oddest thing ever

So I've been listening to idoser to sleep for a while now, maybe a few nights

not to get high or anything, but it's just white noise

it's like I'm taking a break from music

...

anyway, I decided to listen to Lucid Dream today

none of the "doses" I've listened to before ever worked

I've heard Lucid Dream before too

But tonight was different...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So here I am lying in bed

I have my headphones on and put the volume up to 150%

these are really crappy headphones, but they go over my ears and serve its purpose

I start playing the dose

I close my eyes and place a pillow on my head

just over my eyes though so I can still breathe with my nose

I start trying to fall asleep and am thinking about random things

then I start remembering random things, no big deal

and I open my eyes

it feels really weird, just staring into the darkness

I begin thinking to myself, "Is this dose starting to work?..."

I pull the pillow case further down my nose so the darkness covers my eyes about 98%

so I squint in order to stare at complete darkness

and it's strange

a very strange feeling, listening to this dose as well, I can hear it

and suddenly the memories I'm having

seem a bit more real

and I start to replay an event in my head, kind of like a movie

It's a good memory very dear to me...

It seems so real, I can remember so many details. I can see everything.

As this event is going on I'm still staring into the darkness

the dose is just playing in the background as I hear the voices

but for some reason I can't remember anything I've said in this event I'm playing in my mind

it's probably because I didn't say much if anything at all that night

and as I'm nearing the end of this memory

I reach the kissing scene of this movie in my mind

and suddenly

kisses

lots of kisses

lots of scenes

at nighttime

during the day

early morning

or late afternoon

I'm remembering them all!

so clear

and in order chronologically too

it's just like my brain is skipping forward through all of my memories and only playing these parts

it takes my breath away how vivid this was

it doesn't feel real

are these actual memories from my mind?

Yes, it must be. I KNOW they happened...

but it doesn't feel like it.

I'm thinking all of this while I keep remembering

and start feeling sad seeing all of this and knowing that this is all in the past

They were so sweet

I was so happy in those instances

What happened?

and then I take off my headphones

and throw the pillow off my face

I don't want to listen to the rest of this dose

I want to sleep silently tonight

It was such a strange feeling

Hope

I'll just keep on hoping

a lot of hope

I have a lot of hope right now.!!!....!

And wishful thinking

I am thinking wishfully.

If that makes sense.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

MY BIRTHDAY IS THIS FRIDAY.

I'M NOT WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO CHANGE

I'M GOING TO CHANGE IT MYSELF!!!

------

I was thinking of the insanity wolf meme

but much nicer

and more Nhi than wolf.

Bwahahaha.


<3

aljfal;kefjae

I am so happy right now

This is how a Florida summer should be

me lying down sweating to death on the grass in the backyard

near the playground

quickly eating an Edy's strawberry fruit bar ice cream thing

and drinking lots of water

all by myself

and relaxing...

MMMmmMmMmmm


SooOOOOOOOOooooOOoOOoOOoO GOOD!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

It's a song I was singing

when I was trying on a bra.
A white one with a black bow and straps.

I don't know why I started singing it

it sounded good

"I miss knowing what you're up to
I miss knowing what you're down for"

that's the only part that stood out to me

the rest was just freestyling rhymes related to those feelings/memories or wherever words would come from

It's funny because I sing the first line low and the the second one higher

I miss knowing what you're up to,
I miss knowing what you're down for.
I miss having the comfort
....

something something something something

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I hate it when kids complain about their parents

and call them bad words

because it makes me so sad inside...

and I mean the spoiled kids who should obviously know that their parents are freaking awesome, not those with actual mean parents

because that's a whole different story, you know?

Sorry, is this getting confusing?

I've just been looking at Facebook and Twitter updates and they make me angry

-_-;;


ON THE OTHER HAND

Although my parents are strict, very traditionally Asian and have differing opinions

they are awesome

and I love them

...

Yeah, I think I'll just leave it at that. Ha

So.....

I don't want to be with another guy who acts like that

only the first one I met like that

because he was lucky enough to be the first, you know?

He's special

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you know that I really love songs that don't rhyme?

"I love the way you make me wonder

I love the way I hope

I love how you make me question myself

Before I had a chance to die inside"

Say what?

I'm starting to

turn into someone I don't like and it's driving me crazy

but thank God

school is next week

and I will be normal again.

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

<3

Everything just takes time

and

I will be patient again.

Haha. =]

Am I supposed to wait

for years? months? weeks? days?.................

I'm hoping it was just months

but I'll find out

and it's okie because

I actually wasn't waiting at all

time just happened to past (while I was living)

so I don't mind

:)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Wahhhhhhh

Apparently it seems like I go through many guys quickly.

>.<

I don't understand those people

who live online and fall in love online and take things so seriously so fast

I don't know

never mind

I'm just reading Facebook updates and it's kinda freaking me out

because I deactivated my account for two weeks

and it was quite nice

but I logged on today since I was going to plan my birthday party thing

but then I kind of gave up

because all I really want to do is

um

well

ha

and relax

enjoy that I'm finally legal to do lots of things

mm...

I was lonely tonight

so I asked my dad to play the guitar with me

and then

he turned my slow, sad song

into an angry, loud rock song

>:(

But that's okie

it wasn't meant to be great anyway

at least it's fun to play now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also

it's been a while since I've played for hours straight

I guess I should start practicing again for reals instead of for bits

I can't remember

the last time I walked to a park

and sang loudly

swinging.

And so I shall do so tomorrow because there is a playground down the street from my house.

Lucky me. <3

Sometimes I think of how much freedom I have and am happy all over again.

I read my sister's best friend's tumblr post today

and she made me realize something

well, it was more like I learned another method of maintaining a positive outlook

she said that instead of noticing your limitations, just focus on your freedoms

and so I will start doing that.

If I find that link to her tumblr post, I will share it with you all later. ^_^

I always feel guilty

-strikethrough text-

I just have

so many feelings...

today

just for today

maybe it's because my ex's mom called me fat

at the temple as I was passing out flyers

in my red ao dai with a dragon on it

but I think it's because

...

alright, I'm just a mean person

*strikethrough two paragraphs of text*

I changed my mind. I don't wish to subject you to my mean thoughts. I'm such a self-righteous girl and should not think this way for now.

It was only today I had so many feelings.

Something that happened today

"I don't know any cute white boys" I said to my sister as I was yawning. We had just finished stalking some people on Tumblr and were getting bored.

"Hahaha. You sounded retarded saying that."

"That's because I was yawning!" I began to lean back in the office chair because my back aches and have recently needed to crack it somehow every day.

I looked at my sister and told her "I think I'm going to blog this moment."

I just wanted to keep a random memory forever that included laughing and happy thoughts. We had bonded for the last hour or so by being mean...

"Then all your friends are going to get offended" she replied.

But none of my friends follow my blog. It's kind of just there... The only people I advertise this page to is my fellow internet folks. I don't want real people to read my real thoughts because it's kind of my diary, but I don't mind.


~~~~~~~

Totally lost my train of thought because a patient just called the office and I was freaking out because I was speaking English and then I realized (yes, I spell realize with a "z") that the person was Vietnamese so my brain kind of switched to Vietnamese thinking. Then a white guy walked in and I was speaking to him in Vietnamese without realizing it with my sister just walking away because she doesn't work at the clinic and doesn't know what to do. I finish my phone call and feel so embarrassed... and that is how I lost my train of thought.

Ha. What a spazz!

But yeah... I was totally in a mood when writing this entry earlier.

I imagine myself

to be one of those stressed out ER doctors one day.

I'll be running on coffee with no sleep for two or three weeks

constantly panicky and jittery... helping out the senior doctors

Every 15 min break I get will be me napping in the lounge

I'll be an avid smoker too

breathing in a pack or two a day

after maybe 3-5 years I'll quit

and I'll have a slower paced life

no more smoking too

I'll be roaming third world countries to help

and maybe do some research at universities during the summer

I'm sure I won't live til 40

I don't know if I want to






But this is all a dream, I've got to live today first! Ha.

For the last year or two

I've seen an incredible number of people getting tattoos.....

I'm not going to get one

or any for that matter.

Why?

What if I change my mind?!

I do so A LOT.

And...

I don't mind temporary tattoos. >_<

Like henna!

That'll last for like... a month. :D

I had a scorpio henna tattoo on the small of my back once

like a tramp stamp

where a butterfly tattoo should be

So I have a crush on this guy

and I have no idea what to do.

I wish I could just forget about boys

until I'm like... 21 or something, you know?

At least until I'm in med school

Why must I be human and normal?!

My will power is not very high

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

It's a complicated situation.

AND I AM SO OBVIOUS

Sometimes I embarrass myself

but that's okie

it give someone a reason to laugh at me and be happy.

.
.
.
.

sometimes I make mistakes and do stupid things

Totally I failed to read a tweet correctly and will just leave it at that.

Bwahahaha.

I've been blogging a lot lately

because I don't want to actually talk to people.

This is completely a one-sided conversation, which I enjoy because:

1. I don't have to listen to you talk or care

and

2. You probably do care since this is, after all, your choice to read these words.

so thank you for caring

and being my friend when I don't want to listen to you

.
.
.
.
.

It's like sending out a mass text!

or something.

.
.
.
.
.
.

um...

also...

what was I going to say?

I forgot.

Oh yeah

I just wanted to remind you that this blog is really more like my diary

and of course I reread entries a lot

and I love myself

and my feelings

and experiences

and life...

writing in this diary is a lot

argh

I keep using "a lot"

anyway

this blog is much less of a hassle than writing in my notebook

and it may just last forever.

so maybe I'm not actually talking to you

just myself

this whole time

.
.
.
.
.

Dear diary

*strikethrough text*

Dear person I confide in,

I love you.

Love...

What I consider love...

basically just chemicals and reactions

my biological body...

it's all science.

So I'm hoping to find a boy

who will help me produce the right hormones

MmmmmmmmMMMMMMMmmmm

Man, I love men who smell good

*sigh*

and this is why I fall in love/lust (it's all the same to me for now, except love seems to last much, much, much, much, much, much longer) so easily

If just smelling his jacket can make me happy

actually being with him must be ecstasy

and that is all I really need

love is literally a drug

and from experience, I know it feels good and makes me happy

Anyone can write

So uh... this is my sister's writing.

A break up letter:

"I am incapable .

I am incapable of doing things for you. I am incapable of being there for you when you need me to. I am incapable of caring too much. I am incapable of talking to you for hours on the phone when you are lonely. I am incapable of checking my phone and texting you back instantly or at all for that matter. I am incapable of asking you how your day went. I am incapable of spending time with you. I am incapable of reciprocating to your needs and or wants. By now you should know I am incapable of many things and the only thing that I am capable of is probably to let you down all the time. All the fucking time. So why should anyone like you fall and or care too much for someone like me? You should probably just stop. It is only wise to do so."

And then she writes this:

"I ran away .

I left you with a tangle of words knotted at the pit of my stomach . I searched for any relative form of a response , but what I found was a pitiful excuse stuttered with doubt . Your touch was intoxicating . Morphine . An addiction I could not shake . Reality blew through me like a summer storm . I am too deranged to handle anyone but myself , if that . No one and nothing could make me happy . Not even I ."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These kind of things are all too familiar.

I hear it all the time from people who think they're different.

No, not just hipsters...

They're just the ones who are proud to announce that they can't love or make themselves happy because they're different.

They want to stand out by letting the world know that they run away to protect themselves

or whatever.

I hear this kind of stuff all the time

I read it

I text about it

I suppose it' a common feeling

for every stereotypical clique

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm upset that I can't even help my own sister

that she can't understand me

I want her to be happy like me and see the world like I do

it's a much nicer place to live in like this

I promise

Why do you have to think that society is bad?

I don't know.

Never mind.

She'll grow up one day and I will too

I'm just waiting for college to hit her >_<

And for the world to get me

Reading interesting quotes...

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."
Marilyn Monroe

That's exactly the opposite of me!!! :D

Is that really wise?...

Or is it really more... pessimistically jaded?...

"The more you know, the more you know you don’t know and the more you know that you don’t know."
David Byrne

Alright, I agree with this... or at least this is how I feel.

"People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in."
Margaret Cho

Agreeable to an extent... Unfortunately for me, I feel the need to go out and socialize once every other week or so. Other than that I will allow my life to go by.

But I have plans, so it will not stay like this for long. I like people.

"The concept of falling in love is completely foreign , something I can’t bring myself to accept."
Impulse by Ellen Hopkins

Bull shit. Almost everyone knows what love is or whatever, unless they have some sort of disease because you know what, it's purely chemical and biological in humans. So shut the fuck up, kiddos. I may not believe in love, but I have faith in science. Ha.

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."
Edgar Allan Poe

Haha. I love poets. I will fall in love with a poet one day...

On that note, my future husband will be able to sing Phantom of the Opera.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
-Breakfast at Tiffany's

This is actually just romantic. Forget that feeling, it's the mean reds!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright, I'm done reading through my sister's favorite quotes. I still think she's a hipster, just an Asian obsessed one......................

I want to talk about something else.

"The higher the walls you build around your heart...

the harder you fall for someone who tears them down."

.
.
.
.
.
.
THIS IS ALL METAPHORICAL

AND NOT REALLY APPLICABLE

TO REAL LIFE

so this doesn't actually happen

it's all a lieeeeeeeeee

But I have to admit these kind of sayings are pretty good

I mean, they feel really relatable, right?

These people know their audience...

Tsk, tsk average girls

tsk, tsk

And romantic boys too I guess

God, I miss you

(I obviously don't miss God... I'm talking about a person, hopefully you.)

I know I write romantically,

and I dream that way too...

Which is why I really miss

conversations with you.

I didn't plan on rhyming, so I'm going to stop now.

But yeah

I miss you

You understand me, I think... I hope.

At least I feel like you do and that's good enough.

I also feel like we think the same... or at least very similar

and I didn't even try to be like you

it just happened

I was thinking like this

writing like this

dreaming of a life

and I explained it all

told it to you through text

so romantic

It's just a dream. All of it

Emotions and experience!!!

All of it

I won't live forever

I'm giving up logic just for this instance

Why?

Because it's romantic...

that's me

No one else can explain it

only you know because you feel it

I'm sure there are others out there

I'm basing this off of Wordsworth (both of them), Pater and idk

my inspirations.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

and I miss you even though we don't have to talk....

you'll understand

I cannot draw whatsoever

has it really been that long?

When did I stop doodling

and creating

pictures

stories

comics

...

.

I used to do all of that

When did I stop?

High school?

College?

...

.

~~~~~~~~~

To be honest I only wrote like that spontaneously to create triangles with my text

Anyway, I stopped everything once I got into high school because I joined IB

which, fuck, was hardddddddddd and time consuming

thank God

I was smart enough to quit

yeah, that's right

I quit the smart people's club

Just kidding, only cocky people stay in that

or unfortunate souls who don't understand

but I still respect those kids who graduate with that diploma

....

um, anyway

what I meant to say is that I drew a cat today and it turned out HORRIBLY

which reminded me just how long ago it was since I've drawn

like.........

it's a really bad drawing

but I usually end up liking anything I make anyway

because I'm a proud girl

and can't help it that I'm vain

it's good for me to like everything that's MINE

anyway

I think I'll start practicing again

and will use this cat as the before picture

and by December I will have an after



<3

To be honest

I think you like me because I'm pretty

And you don't really like Asians

So I feel special now!!!

:D

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy <3

Let me tell you about what I did today

I got home from work at sat at my laptop moping around and being unproductive for an entire hour.

As the minutes passed by I began to progressively become more and more uncomfortable with my clothes.

First, I just ripped off my jeans. No biggie.

Ahhhhhhhh. How relaxing. They were pretty tight.

Then, I took off my bra

and I was aware that my back ached

so in my pink and purple tie dye v-neck and lime-green panties I started stretching

and then I layed myself down on the bed and bent backwards over the edge to crack my back

my shirt slid up a little

It felt good

But then I thought, what the heck am I doing? I should go wear some shorts

So I walk out of my room, down the short hall of second floor covered with red carpet and enter my small bathroom

I see my basketball shorts and sleeping t-shirt on the towel rack where i leave them to change into after I shower at night

but then

I see myself in the mirror

and I look good

kinda sexy

I mean, I'm in a t-shirt and panties!

My hair is so long and slightly frazzled

I start posing in front of the mirror

even had thoughts about taking a picture to post on r/jailbait

HOW SCANDALOUS

that would be...

but I decide not to

and planned to take a pic a day before my birthday

I wonder how much karma I would get

and then hope I'll forget to take the picture

would something so scandalous affect me in the future?

I take off my shirt and look at myself

I find myself pretty and attractive

yeah, I'm fat in Asian girl standards, but not in American standards I guess

I mean, I'm still curvy

and I have boobs, I'm not flat-chested like those other Asian girls

I don't even have to wear a padded push-up bra or anything under a sports bra

like... they're the perfect size for someone's hands

and so I see my hair again and I love it

it's gorgeous, I'll miss it when I chop it off

which I will soon. Next week.

Then, I grab the tape measure I hang around the door knob

Fuck.

I've gained an inch on my waist from the last two weeks

Damn you, Jesus camp

I decide to put on some clothes and walk back into my room

where I decide to tell you about my day

feeling like a slut, a whore as I write this

Why am I sharing this with you??

Well, I have no idea.

Maybe I just wanted you to realize who I actually am a little bit more

Instead of building up that fantasy of me which you've created

I can't live up to your expectations!!!!!!

Just kidding

I can

and I really am that great.

Also,

I'm going to work on my abs now

eat healthier

and do cardio tomorrow

because I feel guilty

and I need to look good when I turn 18 in less than 10 days.

Oh yeah, and the r/jailbait must happen.

Attractive males

soon I will possibly start flirting with you.

I just need

SO MUCH OXYGEN














GOD I NEED SO MUCH FUCKING OXYGEN











WHY CAN'T I BREATHE?!?!?!










GOD HELP ME











*starts hyperventilating*








............... this is how I feel sometimes.

So don't worry if you don't see me breathing.

I think it's because I like to hold my breath when I think and forget sometimes....


Ugh. I am such a weirdo!!!

Please don't stop loving me.

:)

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

And this post really makes me seem like the 17 year old girl I am. No lies.

This is true.

And everything was exactly what I was thinking.

So this guy I know

wrote this very relatable poem:

There were two people, young and free

In love with one another

Although the two were meant to be

They couldn’t quite be lovers

For he was older and leaving her

Their chances seemed so slim

He couldn’t stay, for he was sure

She’d be better off without him

When the two met, their love did spark

Confusing both the lovers

For he was with a broken heart

And she was with another

The two then began to talk

For this they thought was harmless

This innocent little path they walked

Would soon render them heartless

For as time went by, the two did see

The consequence of their actions

Her first love, she wouldn’t leave

Her heart torn into factions

She loved them both, her heart did say

But she couldn’t choose

For once she did, she knew she’d pay

And the other she would lose

She was a girl who thought with her head

With this she made her decision

To her this love was calculated

Her choice made in derision

She chose the man with whom she’d been

For the other was a senior

She feared what would happen to their love when

He would graduate and leave her

And to this day, the girl must see

The consequence of her actions

For though the two were meant to be

She lost him in this transaction

~~~~~~~~~~~~

To be honest I think this poem suck and he could do so much better.. but it's nice to see a guy could write out his feelings.

Okie, so I'm confused about this

does the term "bitch" always have be mean or derrogatory?...

I was under the impression that it was just a common way to say "female"...

I think the first time I heard that word was when I was about 13. Bwahaha.

I remember in Catholic school I must have heard it incorrectly because I remember Morgan and Madeline whispering to me that Jacob had called Morgan a bad word to make her stop clinging on to him on the playground.

"Bench."

.
.
.
.
.

I had no idea that was a bad word!!!!!

Also, "crab" was forbidden in Our Lady of Fatima Catholic school.

Later on when I was 11 or 12, I learned that the word was actually "crap".

Ha.

I was so, so, so innocent for a 13 year old. Then, going to a public high school blew my mind.

A few years later going to a public university made me unsure whether or not I was ready for the real world... Bwhahaha. I mean, I'm really excited to learn though.

I still feel about... 70% innocent, ignorant and naive.

I'm turning 18 in 10 days. :X

If you haven't noticed

I don't transition my thoughts very well on this blog

because I'm literally writing whatever is in my brain.

I never plan what I'm going to write out in these blogs...

it usually happens when I'm either bored or....

emotional.

Erk!

Bwahahahah.

Hey, emotions include happy and excited too you know!!!

:)

Uh......

=]

"Bitches love smileys"

"I'm attracted to you because

of the way you're enthused by everything and your enjoyment of science."

I'm telling you, enjoying and being grateful for how lucky I am is attractive!!!

Someone once told me the future is now.

You know what?

Sometimes I thank God that I'm living in a time period where humanity has reach their plateau of figuring out how to make food tasty through natural means (which means that I don't really care much for the different flavors of processed foods...).

It makes me happy that I can make someone happy just by being happy.

It's a win-win circle of life!

Mm...

Love is too good to me sometime.

*dreamy sigh*

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I have no idea why

I keep thinking that I'll die when I'm 18. I need to do that something great soon. What am I going to do to make a difference?

Is it weird to think this way?

Ha. It's just death. No, I won't kill myself or anything. I just feel like good people die young because they already know how to live a good life: be nice, stay happy and love everyone.

Sometimes

things randomly blow my mind and make me really happy

For instance, I'm so lucky

I have the ability, the opportunity, the means, the choice to freaking get into a car, drive to the grocery store, buy some shrimp and breading with money I have, go back home in my car that protects me from the wet, uncomfortable rain, fry the shrimp and then eat it. Just like that.

I can do it if I want to.

And also flying...

If I really wanted to... I could standby and go somewhere for free (two uncles who are pilots, an aunt who's a stewardess). Fucking crazy man.

And THEN... I'll be inside this giant piece of metal that can take 100+ IN THE SKY, IN THE FUCKING SKY, and safely land somewhere, anywhere else in the world...

whoa... what the fuck, man? How is this possible?

Sometimes I allow myself to forget about science and just be amazed.

And on the plane it'll turn or tilt and NO ONE is falling over anywhere. We're all just in our seats...

~~~~~~~~~~~

Some of the best luxuries in life for me are showering (God, I love feeling clean and comfortable), eating a chocolate bar (mmmmm.... almost orgasmic during desperate conditions), driving (especially fast) and listening to music loudly. It's so good. I'm so damned lucky.

I plan on showering in the rain naked one day with shampoo, conditioner and body wash.

Anyway, not many people can have these four things. When I go camping I bathe with a bucket of water and a cup or if I'm super lucky I'll find a hose or something.

And chocolate. Come on. Not every place can make chocolate. You can't just walk into a gas station in Africa (well, I couldn't think of a random poor city. I'm sorry) and pay for an imported bar of chocolate from Puerto Rico for $1.50, can you??

Such a damn luxury chocolate is. It tastes good and makes you feel good and can fill you up. Mm....

Driving. I've been into cars since I was 13. Before that I would copy a girl named Sadie starting from when I was 11. Back then I wanted nothing less than a yellow hummer. Gross. Blech. Blah.

NOW I like sports cars... meh. I can't decide what's worse, but darnit I love sports cars. If feels so good to drive fast.

Or even on a boat. I love driving on a boat fast.

Like on the Chesapeake Bay, even thought we were only going 50 or so it felt awesome because we were on a boat!!! Thank God I didn't run into that bridge even though the distance of water was quite vast.........

Music's a given. Duh.

Anything music.

Listening to it when I'm asleep, on a plane, in the car, whatever

I can't believe I can play it too.

I have a freaking keyboard in my room, along with two electric guitars, a bass guitar, an acoustic guitar, a flute, a harmonica, a recorder (lol) and I think that's it.

Downstairs I have a baby grand piano, an eight-piece drum kit (Wtf,right? no one plays the drums in this house well enough to have this), dan tranh, dan bau and I really don't remember what else. Just lots of instruments...

I'm so Goddamned lucky, right?

I so am...

I'm taking a break from something

it's like an addiction, or just a really bad habit. I don't know.

But I feel like going out with this one guy or maybe talking to this other one...

And I totally just realized I forgot to ask Josh out. Damn it. I hate not meeting my goals.

Glancing through my last three posts

and I am currently too lazy to correct any grammatical errors.

And yes, I do know the difference between maybe and may be.

I'll fix it later.

I just tend to write the sounds in my head

I may forget some verbs

I'm also horrible at tenses

(I mean... wtf, English? Vietnamese has no verb tenses. AND adjectives are the same as adverbs. AND there are no pluralization of words. Idk. It is just so much easier...)

Ah....

I also suck at parallel sentence structure. I only pay attention to this so much because it has haunted me in junior year of high school. I never noticed it in my writing until then.

I didn't even know what parallel sentence structure was!

Blah. I don't want to keep blogging, I just wanted to notify my internet audience to please not be harsh on my grammar since I have not slept in four days and was typing out the entries very quickly on my flight to Orlando.

I shall see you in the morning, my love.

Sweet dreams

about me.

<3

Oh, oh, oh!!!

So Vu has a good voice.

Which reminds me about the awesome talk my cousin and I had on Saturday.

We definitely bonded and from now on we're going to be best friends.

Becoming my best friend is easy. We just need to start off with an awesome time and good talking. After that, I know that you're special because I'm comfortable with you and be assured, I will spoil the fuck out of you.

I have no idea why, I just do that to all of my friends.

o_o

My best friends.

Anyway, I was talking to her that day and we were bonding when she asked about my desktop background.

“Oh, it's the album cover for Meet the Schizophrenics”
“The music thing you keep posting over and over again on Facebook?”
“Yeah. Have you downloaded it, yet?”
“No, but I've always wanted to because you keep on posting it!!!!!!!”
“Well then, you're going to have to listen to them then....”

I played the three songs I liked most. Well, actually, I played the one song I thought she would like most (Meet the Schizophrenics) and the two songs I liked most (Passion Fruit and Territory).

But guess what....

“Hey! I know this song!!!” she said after listening to Meet the Schizophrenics halfway through.
“You do?....”
“Yeah! This one guy in my class tries his best to find all the good indie bands first and show them off in class.”
“Whoa..... what the fuck. No way! Can I verify this?”

So we texted the guy and sure enough, he knew this song and band.

HOW RANDOM!!!!!!!!! RIGHT????????

Some guy from a tiny town near Dallas, Texas was listening to the Schizophrenics...

Oh. I only remembered this happening because she said the guy singing in Meet the Schizophrenics and Passion Fruit had a good voice.

Another girl named Ashley who I've tutored actually said the same thing using the same words.

Weird....

I don't want to be honest right now, so I shall skip writing about the opinion I have talking to me in my head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, oh, oh!!!! Random, but not really since we're talking good voices. My cousin listened to my song “Bare” that I recorded on my laptop and said I had a good voice... <3

Nothing much, just me singing with an acoustic guitar. To be honest, the quality so horrible and I would never dare let anyone who is an audiophile or knows guitars listen to that song. Why?

Well I recorded it using my laptop and the built in mic. It's kind of staticky and sounds like there maybe be frogs ribbiting in the background. Also, I was playing a 35 year old guitar or so from Vietnam. It's very cheap and poor quality so the strings don't sound too good, but still it's close enough and gets the tone right. Ha.

…................

That is all.

Don't worry, kiddo

Okie then. I took a snack break while on the flight. Did I mention earlier that I wrote these last two entries on the way back to Orlando? Well, technically I am writing this one now.... but whatever.

Shit. As soon as I finished that last sentence two sentences ago I spilled tomato juice alllllllllllll over my legs, the chair and the person sitting next to me................ :X

But that's alright. I usually get away with things and I have this time. :D

No one is angry!!!!

>.<

Doh!

I trust them to not read what I'm writing on my laptop either.......

and if they do then I'll just say this in case:

THANK YOU FOR NOT GETTING ANGRY AT ME AND UNDERSTANDING THAT ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!!!!!!! I love you. <3

:D

(But not really. I don't love love you. I just felt like it was the right thing to say... you know?)

(I'm sorry, is this getting awkward?... I think I'll continue on with my little story now...)

Um....

Huh.

Let me tell you about Saturday.

So my sister, the ever so popular and coolest hipster Asian girl with a score of maybe 9/10 overall on looks+outside appearance/personality thing (I'm not exactly sure what to describe it. This is what people would see on the outside of their first impression of her, not her real personality, you know?) has boys fighting over her like usual. Guys usually approach her because she looks like the type of girl who has an outgoing and talkative personality, but in actually she prefers acting awkward for I have no idea why....

Cool Michael wanted to hang out with her.

Cool Michael as in the most popular guy from the last Jesus camp. Cool Michael as in the guy who wrote and edited two entire skits last minute. He's a genius I tell you!!! Ha. Yeah, so I kinda have a crush on him but it's whatever. It's not my fault, just that damn alpha male complex thingy... idk. But you understand what I mean, right? Like head doctor syndrome.

Anyway, he texted her and wanted to hang out again but...................

DUN DUN DUN.

She ditched him for Awkward Jeffrey.

o_o;;

Why?..................

I shall tell you later if you wish to read this Korean-like drama.

But for now my sister has decided to come over and read over my shoulder.

Bwahaha.

Now she's folding up her arms and scrunching up her face into some sort of grumpy visage. Countenance? Ha.

I will skip the drama and get to the point without many details I suppose.

Saturday = fun because it was

me, sis, Cool Michael, Awkward Jeffrey, the singer guy (Vu), the fake fob (Tony), the big creepy guy (Kevin) and the dancer (Bao). I feel like I forgot some people...

Sis: What about Bryan?

Oh yeah. Him. And.... Vincent. Jonathan....

o_o

There were others I think....

BUT WE WENT DOWN AND THROUGH THE CREEPIEST TOWN EVER!!!!

For four miles....

to go bowling.

Yeap.

I wish I wasn't so lazy right now so I could tell you in detail.

But man, I WAS SCARED.

And damn Vu, he scared the shit out of me and my sister.

I love the way he jogs... Bwahahahaha.

Like a girl, idk. It's so weird.

But yeah, he ran ahead a few blocks and ran out of the bushes screaming at us in a southern accent.

I mean, WTF?!?!?!

We were already in one hell of a racist town in the middle of nowhere in Missouri.

It was 10pm and pitch black at night.

Was the bowling alley even open??

We didn't know. We just trusted Vu and followed him.

Um.............

So yeah.

Thank god the alley was open.

And man, we were awful at it.... bowling that is.

Only Vu could bowl. He's usually get around 200 or so and the rest of us could barely score 50 points A GAME.... T____T How sad.

Blah blah blah.

Walking back wasn't as creepy.

I forgot to mention that before we went bowling we talked in the hallway and that Michael is a genius. I am so copying his Altoids mint box idea. I fall in love easily (for like.. two minutes tops. And not “love love”, more like heaving crushing? o_o) and his novel impromptu solutions for everything just completely astounded me.... I'm slightly competitive (oke, I'm really competitive....) and he freaking one-upped me in everything!!!! It always made me feel like “Wow... why didn't I think of that?”

For instance, he broke a strap out of one of his flip flops. Some people were suggesting buying a new pair, using glue, finding staplers or whatever and going to Walmart. I told him thread the yarn bracelet I had to hold the strap together. That's like... level 4/10 McGyver stuff right there. I used what I had around me, my bracelet and chopsticks. Then, WHAM! Michael decides to stab a chopstick into his sandal, break off the remaining wood, pull out a lighter from the Altoids box and proceeds to melt random rubber he found on the top of his sandal and on the bottom....

Genius.

Genius I tell you, at least to me it was.

Hm....

So yeah. Saturday was fun.

After bowling we went to the Mary statue with water and kind of just chilled. We had the funniest convos and I felt like we really made some good friends. <3

Too bad they're from all over the nation and not Orlando. I don't have nearly enough people to hang out with here......

Okie. One highlight of the night.

By 3AM Sunday the group was still chilling at the Mary statue and I decided to rest my head on my sister's lap. Then, the singer guy started singing to me in Vietnamese and petting my head/hair.

“Oh my pretty baby, go to dream. I hope you dream well tonight and I'm going to make you some delicious sour tomato and fish stew...”

FWOOSH!!!! He opens up a giant red fan with a dragon on it and begins fanning himself...

Wtf?.... BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Like that was not random at all.

But I have to admit that he has a good voice.

Which reminds me of another incident................................

Don't worry, kiddo. I'll give you a break and let you read it as a separate blog entry instead. ;-)

I know, I know. My life is interesting and you want to learn as much about me you can, right?

-_-;; My sister just read the last line I wrote and then shook her head laughing “Ahahaha. No, it isn't”.

She's just jealous.

Unexpectedly trying something new?

;alskjfa;lwkejf;alwekjfawlekfj;e

So ______,

______________________.

Anyway, let me tell you about what happened on my trip to Missouri.

^_^

Well, firstly... I did not plan on going. My sister wanted to go so my dad bought her the plane tickets; however, she couldn't go alone so he bought me plane tickets as well. Originally I had planned on working all week in order to continue saving up money for Spain (although I have just enough as it is).

Blah blah blah......................................

Last minute packing for the trip and we leave the house by 5 AM or so in order to get to the airport in time. I didn't sleep that night because I basically had to wash my clothes after the Jesus camp in Atlanta Georgia I had recently returned from.

Hm...

Airplane.

So the security of OIA was quite lax. Although I was wearing my bangles I did not have to be patted down by the TSA as I had with my past flights.

The flight to Kansas was boring. I was basically asleep the entire time.

Zip zoop zap.

We landed and met up with the people we were hitching a ride with from KCI to Carthage, Missouri.

None of this is interesting... *le sigh*

So we're at Missouri and worried that my uncle would not let Daniel stay in our tent (just me, my sis and Daniel) because he's a boy. *CUE GASP* Scandalous.....................

But that day was fun.

We arrived in the afternoon and God, was it hot as fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha.

So the three of us decided to begin taking pictures. We walked up to the Mary statue with waterfalls and took many lovely photos like the camera whores we are. Yeap.

It. Was. So. Hot.

I cannot emphasize this enough!!!

I mean, I thought Florida was hot!!!! But noooooooooooooooooOOOOOOO.

Missouri really was like a mini Vietnam.... ESPECIALLY after quick, random sun showers. -_-;;

But yeah, after we took pictures we decided to chill in the shade under a tree and it was all good.

I did not feel like I wanted to get high at all!

Not that I've ever been high... but sometimes I like to wish I was whenever I'm feeling miserable because I believe that being high during such times would make them better and go by faster.... right?

Oh, also, weird thing. Did I mention that I tried smoking? :X

It was with Rebecca (she's a worse girl than I thought!!! Gosh, I should have known though). But I was at her house with Richard (Mr. Goody Two Shoes) and I noticed that she had a pack of menthol Camels with only one cigarette left.

“Rebecca.... do you smoke?”

“Yeah, my friends and I were moving in my stuff two days ago and we needed smoking breaks.”

“Oh............... Can I try this one?”

“Yeah! Go ahead. You can have it.”
“Oh. Okie. If I don't want to smoke it, will you?”
“Yeah. I will.”
“Alright then, what do I do? Can you show me how?”

“Okay. First you've got to pop this thing here on the top.” *pops, she makes the cigarette mentholly*

“Okie, then what?”

“Then you just smoke it.”

So I lit the cigarette, took one really short drag and didn't feel or taste anything. Then, I took another drag and didn't taste anything but felt how cool the menthol was when I breathed out the smoke.

Poor Richard. Me and him were basically the most innocent nerds ever back in middle school. We were a pair back then. He was president of Stars Wars Miniatures Club and I was the chairwoman. Bwahaha.

He just kind of stood there silently bewildered that I had attempted something so bad.... SMOKING. I TRIED SMOKING. :X

FYI, I just wanted to try it... I don't plan on smoking. My whole family basically smokes. My gramma had lung cancer which is why my dad and uncle became doctors, so they could help her. Ironically (or is it unfortunately?) everyone still smokes.... so WTF??? Am I the only one to learn from their experience?

So yeah...

“Here, Rebecca. I don't like it.”
“Okay, I'll smoke it.”

And gosh, did she look adorable.

Like a Chinese girl, which she is.

She was cooking at the time with her hair tied back and standing over the stove with the cigarette in her mouth. I'm not sure why this image in my head stands out so much. It was a nice scene, especially in that quaint little kitchen of hers in the “Little China” apartment area.

Man, I'm going to have to tell you more of that day later. I have gotten so off topic....

Anyway, uh, I might as well finish this cigarette story because I'm going to relate something to this later.

A wee bit later I decided to try smoking again, and no, not from a quick nicotine addiction. This time I took a very long drag from the cigarette. It was an odd feeling... I could taste and feel the smoke go into my lungs and then I could taste and feel it coming out, but also cold. And seeing the dark grey smoke coming out of my mouth! Whoa... That totally tripped me out.

Yet, it was exactly what I thought it would be. Nothing special, I didn't really feel anything. I'm not sure why I expected to feel a little less stressed or something like that... but I didn't feel anything. I started choking a bit though when I realized that I was thinking and holding my breath.

What was I thinking about?

Oh nothing. Just a stupid boy who smoked the same type of cigarettes. Menthol camels... which is why I hated spearmint ChapStick for a bit, but I got over it.

I decided to try blocking out that memory from my mind and call it.... *le sigh* I guess I'm not ready to share that part of my life, yet.

…....................

….................

…...........

Fast-forward to Missouri again.

Chill day Thursday with sis and Daniel when we arrived.

I cannot even fucking remember what happened Friday, it was that bad. SOOOOO HOT AND HUMID. Whatever.

And Saturday. <3

Wheeeeeee.

That was fun.

Meh. I think I'll save that for the next blog entry. I always end up writing much more than I originally intend to. o_o;;

Goodnight, my love.

I'll cya later soon. :3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  

Actively chasing boys

Suddenly I feel too tired for that

I think I'll wait

Until I'm maybe 21 or something. At least until I finish my bachelor's degree or whatever

IN CHEMISTRY

I'm just really tired

With love

Or whatever it's called, what I'm feeling or felt

I just need a break from boys

Because I've been actively chasing them

Haha

So I'm tired

But you know, I'm not going to mind if they chase me

I should just warn them though

My heart is still kinda healing

What an odd feeling it is too

Because I don't love the guy, I wouldn't want to be with him or anything

It's stupid

I'm not stupid

Also

there's this other guy....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and to be honest he's keeping my mind occupied.

and has been for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I'd like to go out with a Vietnamese boy.

Lately I've been with white guys.

Blech

Ha

Oh.

I have to work now. Maybe I'll tell you more about my life later. My feelings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I AM SO RICH. :D

Ahahaha

So I think I'm falling in crush with my sister's future short-term boyfriend

Also, I'd like to go out with a good-looking guy who knows Viet and is talented

Yeah...

I really want to speak Viet with someone

That is all

I'm awful....

I'm just a bad person and really mean.

Okie.

Not really.

I just am right now because I'm so fucking tired and that makes me grumpy.

Also, I don't like boys.

Okie, I lie about that too.

But not really.

I don't know, I'm not thinking straight.

*sigh*

I hate you.

I don't really, I just wanted to say that.

Ugh..................

I just want everything to be better again once I come back from Jesus camp because I need to 1. sleep 2. eat healthier again 3. run

Because it's really taking a toll on my mind and body

Is this how they convert people?

Also, I really love my life and music

Mmmmm. Music.

I have a bad habit

of doing the opposite thing people tell me to do..........

unless it's advice

Then I will listen for my own good

But experience is such a great way to learn

So yeah.........

There's something wrong with me. o_o

Also, my left shoulder hurts like a bitch.