I fucking hate dependent people.

God dammit, just don't tell me what to do either.

I would like to take this time to rave about two awesome friends.

Jon is funny and I should spend time with him more.

Nick treats me with the most kindness ever. Ever.

Yeap.

Also, I love Andrew. I just thought that I should throw this in here.

"I love you

Truly

I love you"

There are so many things I want to tell you,
but you're much more judgmental than me
and I'm pretty sure you know it
I just want to say that it's fine
but you're going to be sad one day.

I have about $200 left now.

I am really tempted to buy a plane ticket to somewhere

anywhere really

I need to get away again

It felt so nice to be free

I hate this.

a;wlekja;wlej;WELJ

Stop complaining.

Don't even finish your thoughts.

Okay....

Here's to the future

I'll be happy

carefree

everywhere.

I would have affected so many people in so many places.

Everyone's going to remember that Asian girl

I'm going to be famous.

I'll be a doctor

a professor

a pilot

an archaeologist

a musician

Everything!

And I'll save the world too.

I love you.

<3

STOP.

THINKING.

OF.

THE.

PAST.

SoooOooOOOOOoo

I'm sorry.

At this moment I hate memories.

...

I remember when I'd play Yu-Gi-Oh against Tommy online with our DS's.

And when my cellphone was taken away we'd call each other with the nintendo DS.

I had a Harpie deck and a magician deck

I feel like he won 75% of the time.

I remember being in high school and wishing that Tommy was also in high school

when I was in 8th grade he was already in college

I've always wanted notes in my locker

or to carry around flowers at school

or receive balloons...

Whatever

You know, I went to five different high schools

It's tough making friends who'll do that stuff for you

and it's even tougher when your birthday is in August right before school starts

In fact, it's probably impossible.

I remember one day though

It was during my junior year

Me and Tommy's three year anniversary

He had slept over so we woke up at 5:30 or so to eat at Denny's

then I made him take me to Publix or whatever

to buy me a dozen roses and some balloons

and I carried them all around that day

In the store he pushed me around in the cart while I was holding the roses

The ladies in there called me a princess

and boy did I sure feel like one

Yeap.

Good times.

Except...

except when I went to class that day

this kid named Scott asked me about them

and.

Oh. Never mind...

Do you know what I never liked doing? Having to play Tommy in Call of Duty for him to do me a favor. I hated it He'd be like "Come on, Honey. Just kill me once and I'll do it for you." "Okie, Bear. I know you're just going to crush me though..." So yeah. That sucked but at least he'd make it up to me. Yeap He would When I was 13-16 I'd get mad so easily and now I don't know. I just don't know. Sometimes I'd get lucky though In CoD that is. I liked when we used to play Pokemon together or other games I didn't mind playing CoD with him I still have my PS3 It's just sitting in my room though. $200 just sitting there I don't remember whether or not he bought that for me Sometimes I wonder why he bought me the teddy bear on Valentine's last year he left that weekend What a douche.

Damn you good singers... Oh god, your voice...

Oh well. I like my poem. *DELETED FROM FACEBOOK*

I've only felt love at first sight once Pure. Blast. of chemicals. The waves of my brain must have been surging like crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Biological things happened... DING DING DING DING NHI LISTEN TO ME AFTER MILLIONS OF YEARS OF EVOLUTION WE TELL YOU THAT THIS GUY IS PRIME DATING STUFF YOU SHOULD LOVE HIM AND FUCK HIM. I'm pretty sure that's what happened inside of my head without me knowing it. I'm just thinking of this because I remember Max and Leah talking about love at first sight Oh chemistry... Oh psychology

Not gonna lie, I love the way some of my friends describe me.

Things that go away at night

a lot.

------------

So anyway

I was going to say "Goodnight, kiddo"

but everyone is older than me

and also Jon says that

I said "kiddo" before he did

but not to him

but also everyone I know now is way too old for me to say that

Like

I would say that to someone 22 and under

I still think they're kids

but we'll see

Valentine's Day is coming! Valentine's Day is coming!

And it's on a Tuesday!

I hope I'll feel loved. :D

Three more weeks.

It seems long now, but just you wait.

Soon it'll be just a day away.

I'm pretty sure this guy is writing about his fantasy of me.
Here's the link to the first part if you'd like a refresher: http://vi3thoneyx.blogspot.com/2012/01/bruce-wrote-this-about-me.html

And here are the words to the second part.

~~~~~~~~

As my new demoness led me toward our desitation, all I could do was set my gaze upon the ground. Here I was totally under the spell of the gorgeous creature that led me along with only her will and her tail around my neck. I had no idea what to feel,part of me was extremely humiliated to be led around like I was some sort of property, another part of me was excited to be in the mere presence of such a beautiful siren, while a third part of me wondered what my fate would be. But everyonce in awhile, I would take my gaze off the ground and look in front of me, where the perfect body of a gorgeous, yet scary creature walked and I could not be more turned on. Each time I looked up I heard my captor giggle, which immediately caused me to cease looking at her and put my gaze back towards the ground. I wondered if she was able to sense what I was thinking as I lay completley mesmorized by her figure or if her giggling was a mere coincidence. Either way, I was afraid to make her angry so I tried not to eye her like she was an object to be used and maintained my gaze upon the ground, to the best of my ability that is.
Finally after what seemed like hours, and another slip up, she spoke to me, "You do realize I know what your are doing, right?" she inquired.
"Umm, umm, I'm not doing anything," I responded.
"Oh silly, stupid boy. I know everything that you think, I own you, everything, even your mind and your thoughts. I know that you are attracted to what you see in front of you. And just so you know, I'm not offended by it."
A wave of relief rushed through my mind at hearing this, but then she spoke up, "However, you lied to me, and for that you need to be punished." Just then my relief subsided and fear overcame me as I became speechless as I heard, "Knees, now!" in a stern voice. At first I had no idea what to do, but then I felt her tail tighten itself around my neck as she said, "Get on your knees boy."
I immediately fell to my knees and I felt her tail loosen. I looked upwards to see if I could get a glimpse of her face to see how angry she was, but she stood with her back to me and crossed her arms across her chest, then she spoke, "Rule number one, you never lie to me, got it?"
"Yes," I responded in a hushed tone.
"What was that?"
"Yes, I understand," I spoke with a raised volume.
"I heard you the first time, but rule number two, you shall address me as goddess, do you understand? So once again, what did you say?"
"Yes my goddess, I understand, I will not lie to you."
Just then I felt her tail uncoil from around my neck and she graced me with the ability to see her gorgeous face. "Very good my pet, I have great hope for you. Now, you broke two rules and that can't be forgiven without proper punishment, so I want you to spend the rest of our journey by thinking of a punishment for each rule you broke. Do you understand?"
Just then I did the dumbest thing I could have, "But I didn't know they were..." I immediately felt a stinging sensation strike my right arm, followed to my left as my goddess lashed out with her tail. "I mean yes my goddess, I will."
"Well now think of three, cause rule number three is never question your goddess."
"Yes my goddess" was all I could speak before I felt her tail once again wrap around my neck as she began walking again, and all I could do was rise to my feet and follow.
"Keep your stare down, you need to focus on your assignment as we will be home shortly.  There is no time to be distracted." I heard her say. All I could do was respond by obeying her orders which resulted with her response, "Good boy, there is hope for you yet." Followed by a slight giggle.

I wrote half a poem today in Spanish class that needs to be edited. Badly.
After I finish with my idea of course. I have no idea where it's heading now.
It seems as if my mind has been going through a lot of pain lately. Weird.
So here it is! Enjoy. <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sing me a song now of the past and the future
I have so many wounds that you need to suture
Pain from within me burns all around
Leading to my mind not being sound
The voices inside tell me to love
Through means so cruel, it's a sin to think of
On shards of glass I walk with feet bare
And in the eyes of a gorgon I must go and stare
Oh how has only my heart turn into stone
Where is this hell which into I've been thrown
No fire here, but instead ice in your soul
It's my free will he's taken, so easily he** stole
The joints move erratically, I have no control
My eyes have darkened, abandoned coal
A light in the tunnel to give false hope
I'm helpless to hands which freely grope
Ashamed and alone, I'm chained to the cave
No point in waiting, no one will save
Who would give up a chance for a wish
I'm not a threat now, trapped in this niche
Each second goes and the devil gets worse
How hard I pray to be in a hearse
No food, no water. Please let me die!
No sympathy given though I adamantly try
Screams are heard, but no one will care
To be troubled with, does anyone dare
Blinded by comfort, they all turn their back
Only I'm to feel this monster's attack




**I feel like "he" should be called "it" or something. It's not a person or whatever... more like an idea I think. I can't really describe it yet, but there's a feeling. Something to describe society maybe?

Andrew wrote this! I love him. n_n

" A single, lonely cloud blocks the sun, overcasts the sky.
A second, happy cloud floats up, pushes it aside.
The two clouds flank the sun, reflecting its light down
on a little boy and girl holding hands within the town.

You, my baby are the second cloud clearly,
letting sun shine through–keeping life from getting dreary."

Now I should really work on the sound. Let's see how this turns out. :)

I've decided to not listen to his advice because I'm 18 and am allowed to make mistakes and figure out what I want. I like being happy now and I like Andrew. Very much. Life is good now and he should be a part of it.

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Fuck Kyle. Alsldjdjjlkdhdjdlalaksssssdldjjl

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I don't understand who I am or who I want to be anymore.

I don't.

I don't have my own opinions or my own ideals anymore.

I don't do anything

Also, 60% of me hates clingy Nhi and 40% of me is asking "Why does it matter?" Then the 60% is trying to fight because independence and being alone is good but 40% is wondering why. 60% says because then I can be my own person and know what I want, but mostly so I won't get hurt. This leads to 40% thinking that the risk is worth it and I like gambling anyway. 60% then gets mad and says how I shouldn't let myself get held back so 40% agrees but thinks we should wait a bit and see what the future holds because it really cares about other people's feelings too.

You see? I have multiple personalities. Maybe they're all mine.

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Look, I really don't care about being confirmed. I hardly consider myself Catholic anymore.

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Tommy didn't even propose to his fiancée. He doesn't even love her. He's barely complacent. That's so weird. Why does she want to marry him so badly? I know I hurt him and that'll he'll probably never love again, but he shouldn't throw his life away because he's not with me. This is awful watching this train crash that's about to occur. Ugh. Things keep changing. Feelings do. I don't want Tommy anymore but I feel responsible and that I should treat him like a good friend. This is awful.

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I'm thinking of a lot of things. I don't like that conversation about alpha males. That's ridiculous and doesn't affect me. I can be independent and can make my own decisions.

Also, I love Andrew very much. I just read the /hug message he sent me on Gtalk and smiled while thinking "Awwww..." to myself. Again, I love him very much. I care so much about this guy. I just want him to be happy and I want to spend my time with him. I love his hugs and that comforting feeling that occurs when I'm in his arms (especially while in bed). He just feels so good. I doubt it's purely chemicals. I really do.

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One is not an alpha male simple because he is 6', lean and beautiful.

Stop dwelling in the past. Stop dwelling in the past. Stop dwelling in the past, Nhi.

Now I really have to reevaluate my opinion on good memories and happiness.

I keep changing my mind.

What's good?

My boyfriend is smart and I love him.

I love smart guys, don't you?

Oh God... why...

why am I attempting to communicate with Tommy?

He's a douchebag.

Understandably I suppose, but I don't know. I'm biased. Duh.

Stop worrying about hope fat and ugly I've gotten. Take care of my grandmother. I don't care how long it's been since you've last seen me.

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I think not wearing a bra under my t-shirt makes me look skinnier

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Also, I look good todat

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Apparently I'm not happy. I'm just content. What will it take for me to be satisfied? How many hearts must I break to find out?

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Fucking hell. Just let all the people die.

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I shouldn't be persuaded so easily.

I just want to know when you'll come back.

Beta............

what a word.

I want to get good at Magic. But how good? I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

I'm really developing a Magic fever. How do I get good?

Sometimes I wanna cry when people are so nice... I wanna be like that!

I really like the poems my boyfriend wrote. I think they're really good. Normally I'm pretty vain because whenever someone else shows me a poem they've written I tend to think "Meh, I can do better than that if I tried."

Writing a good poem takes so much effort.

For me anyway

I usually write out the idea

and then a lot of metaphors, but not similes

those are too easy

I like language

I love Andrew

I forget about Frank. Hess coming into town soon. We're going to go shop for a black dress before heading off to the theater. Yeap. Good ol' Frank. He'll buy me a $150 bear. Ha. Fucking ridiculous. Why the hell do I want that thing? For the last five years? I don't understand...

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I sat at the most popular girls' table during lunch for 7th grade. I don't know how that happened... I had a crush on the most popular girl though. The following year I would sit with the three nerdiest guys in school. Now that's totally understandable.

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I remember when I was in that point of my life where I dated a lot of guys in a short span of time. Maybe two or three dates a day. I'd always think "Fuck yeah! He can cook!" when some kid would invite me over to have dinner. I had a lot of good food. And a lot of white guys are of Italian descent.

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I want someone to take me to the mall and say "Nhi, you can build any bear you want." I would be so fucking happy and create the most beautiful bear. I love bears.

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I really love blue eyes and I really love my boyfriend's eyes and I really love hazel eyes.

I have brown eyes. And they're really dark.

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I'm sorry. I just feel very lonely.

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Sometimes I do want to be that depressed girl making the wrong decisions who has given up on life. Sometimes I think about letting her escape for once. I can imagine myself lying down on a bed looking to the side with an expressionless face. I don't care anymore. Someone help me.

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Sometimes I do wish to roll downhill. It can be fun and exciting. Maybe dirty though.

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I don't really have much of an online presence. The most I do is probably talk to myself on this blog. I've been down lately and probably need to focus on something. Anything.

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I'm pretty sure I need a life. And a personality. And more willpower.

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Tonight I shall find myself alone in the dark

He's watching over me

Type. Type. Type.

There's no more light in this room.

It's now nighttime in this gloom.

Listen.

Do you hear the spiders on the walls?

Or the water dripping from the falls?

The clothes are stacked.

The closet empty.

Panes. Panes. Window panes!

The blinds shield the light.

Oh, how I wish sleep would drown me.

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Sometimes I miss the dream where I'm in a land of peace and care. There once was a prince who with everything he'd share. I thought I was better and so found a gypsy, who soon bewitched my soul though he was tipsy. Down I fell losing all charm, down I fell into some harm. Never again was I to feel a strong hand, nor ever again will I demand. Soft words, musical tones and a stroke of genius. Is there anything that can redeem us? A black sword, a black knight. Please slay the dragon! Whatever you do, don't jump on the wagon. He'll charm you, he'll kill you, he'll make you love him. Then you'll be left in a world full of grim. The princess was in bed and rolled to the side, where she would witness her true love die. The prince went and left through the main gate, and forever in his heart he would hold hate. Off with the gown and down by the creek, lonely to herself she would speak. "Pass the past, gypsy man. Anything for you, I'll do what I can." Soon the kingdom grew very dark. That darn hazel-eyed boy left his mark. The people were hurt, what is our future? Now.

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Oh, how I'm in love
What a crazy world
And here I am, just an average girl
I walk on through many doors
I've been and smelled many shores
None of this will make any sense
It's all from my mind, extemporaneous... hence
da boo dee la keeba loh
Smuck smuck dee archipelago
So yeah, there's this one boy who's on my mind
I'm sure he's busy now. I'm in a bind
Because I've got homework to do, Spanish and chem
I want a new ring, preferably a gem
I'm walking on sunshine scared of tomorrow
I'm imagining a guy saying "too far, ho!"
Ugh. Feet. It's all past. Ouch. Walk.
I'm 18. Not young anymore. On the side, chalk
I'm so sad. I'm crying. What is all this?
Whatever. It's over. You will miss.
What shall I do? Will I regret?
How much longer shall I fret?
God dammit. Shut up. Just let me be.
I'm in love. I'm in lust! Yet I'm not free.
Let me go. What if I lose? Will I still be loved?
Will my mystery man's hands always stay gloved?
Just tell me straight up, are you coming back?
I hate you, lover. I'd give you a smack.
Um... I'm just worried people will think I'm gross
I could have been happy. I was so close!
Remember when I was rich and had a great car?
The past is a year, not really too far.
The future is soon. School will be done fast
So I wonder, will all of this last?
How long can you wait? I have so many plans
And before you know it I'll have so many fans
I'm tired and lost. Nothing to do
I miss my soul. Sometimes I think "Who?"
Bye bye for now... I'm at a loss
You have no idea how much a smile costs

So I was talking to this guy I was dating and he told me something like this

"You know what's weird? Eight years ago I was the same size I am now. I probably even look the same now. However, eight years ago you were just a tiny Asian girl in elementary school. Thinking about that is wigging me out!"

and I was like "Okie......"

whatever.

Ha.

But now that I think about it, that is pretty weird.

Not gonna lie, I love my boyfriend. But I do expect some odd phase of me wanting to ignore him. I don't think I will though. It feels too good to be around him. He makes me so happy. I love it when he smiles and is so adorable. How did I get to be such a lucky girl? :)

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There were a few times I considered giving up on my boyfriend because I felt particularly lazy about maintaining some peace and happiness. I'm glad I didn't give up. At the time I didn't know why I kept trying even though I was tired. I mean, there wasn't anything that was a big deal, but I still had to put in some amount of effort which I was definitely not used to. Ha. I've been so spoiled by guys. But that's okay now. Everything is so good! And I'm really happy. :)

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I knew I'd be able to fall in love with Andrew! Whatshisface said I was dumb and being a typical girl, but everything worked out! I'm happy. ^_^

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Man. I am so freaking fantastically in love with Andrew Wilson!!! He's such a beautiful, beautiful boy.

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Tommy dropped out of college. Sometimes I forget that. It was very frustrating for me to date someone who wasn't as smart as I was... I remember realizing that he hadn't changed since I started dating him when I was 13 and he was 18. The next four years we dated I learned SOOOO much, especially when I met my two role models...

Weird.

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I remember when my ex would sleep over and we'd go out at maybe 4 in the morning to Sonic or McDonald's. After we ate we'd just lie down together in the car for a while feeling so content. Good times. Unfair memories. Odd present. Bright future.

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I'm going to be considered young for a long time.

I'm 18

and then I'll be 19

and then I'll be 20

and then I'll be 21

and then 22 isn't that young anymore so that's okay

and after that I'm basically an adult for reals.

Like people who are 30 now will just see me as a kid

until I'm about 22 I guess

So yeah

weird.

How vain is it of me to say that I love people like me?

I'm feeling very emotional right now

Lots of love

Lots of lust

Lots of idk

I'm going crazy.

Ha.

I wonder why

I really like musicians and talent

I really, really do

I love poems and good stories

I love beautiful words and feelings

and paintings

and sketches

Talent is so good and really turns me on

People fall in love with me fast I think. I'll probably need about two weeks tops with someone. I promise you that I'm awesome.

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Too much of me is waiting for time to pass. I'm always waiting for the future that will never come because it's the future. I shouldn't forget about now. That's the most important part. Now. The present. This is what I can change. This is how I feel

right now

Yet I'm not doing anything extraordinary

I'm just wasting away my hours

Letting the now go away

It's all so weird

This exchange of time

I love you

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I'm pretty sure I'm developing an unhealthy obsession with my boyfriend. I need to calm down a bit. Ha.

Also, I need to calm down a bit with Magic. Just a bit. School is.starting now and I need straight A's for Med school!

I love Andrew very much though. :)

But I really should stop acting so much like the crazy teenage girl I am. I blame my 18 year old hormones.

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I love Andrew Wilson. I'm so sleepy right now. Goodnight.

~~~ Sick and tired Nhi

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I don't want anyone I know to read my blog. It's very personal and I'm a quiet person.

Apparently not online.

And, I mean, it's not that difficult to find

same moniker

duh

perhaps some stranded and lost love_me_nhi's

I really hate Vi3tHoneyX though

I should find a different one

I've been playing around with the idea of a lantern girl

actually, I've been meaning to write a poem about her

In my mind she's bright and beautiful

I am very, very loved.

A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
F.
J.
K.
M.
N.
T.

and that's all I can think of for people who would declare their love to me.

They make me feel quite exceptional.

Every single one of my actions have been praised by them

It's flattering

but weird

but awesome.

I should sleep now.

It's 5:20

This is weird

I'm growing distant toward this person I've been obsessed with for over a year

I just don't have enough time

or ideas.

All one has to hold onto of me are sweet, sweet shared memories and some grossly skewed sensation of my kindness. I'm sure.

I've reached a point where I either need to find a better role model or be happy that I've become who I wanted to be

Since I don't feel finished yet

(come on, I'm 18. No way I'm done growing up yet.)

I think I should look up to other people

I doubt I'll find anyone as great though

Damn eloquence and beautiful words!

My easily swayed mind has trapped me

Won't anyone else try to persuade me?

...

My kindness

I'm sure I'm remembered as that girl who puts in quarters to save people from tickets

or that girl who buys people cigarettes

or that girl who buys people food

or that girl who gives random strangers car rides to work

or that girl who takes her time to teach someone

or that girl who will listen and actually understand...

All of those or's should be and's

Hm.

I'm not just all of those things though

Nope

I'm not just that girl

I'm "an attractive Asian girl"

of course I giggled.

me: I'm pretty good at Magic

11:22 AM X: Who can genuinely enjoy herself at the activity in discussion

  You're a fucking gold mine

11:23 AM Nerds fall in love with you at first sight

  Not that I think those are your only merits

 me: And then I beat them

 X: They're by far your least good ones

  But come on

11:24 AM Of course

A lot of problems have been arising in my life lately...

I don't understand why.

Actually, it's probably because I'm getting older and so is everyone else around me

I've been happy for so long that I suppose I am in some sort of denial now

I think

I think that I should somehow prepare myself mentally to lose a few people

soon

or maybe I'll just let it all hit me one day

I don't know

Life goes on

I'm not being emo or anything

maybe a typical girl

On average I have heard that my looks are prettier than 60% of girls.

So I'd probably say that I'm about a 6.1/10 on a scale

Idk

Everyone I've asked before to be honest with me has said that I'm cute and slightly above average

All said around 6, so I'll just stick with that

Of course I'm fine with that

Because a lottttttttttttttttt of people have ranked my personality to be about a 9.8/10

and then they really like me

and learn more about me

and like me even more

and it's just so awesome

Ha.

I love hearing it every time. I swear

"Nhi, the more I get to know you the more I like you."

I heard that like a million times when I was in New York and DC

It just makes me smile

that I'm awesome.

Ha.

Apparently I spoke in a southern accent yesterday

I suppose I usually do when I'm really sick, tired or high

I must sound retarded when I do though

'Cause you know, it's a southern accent

and it just happens

Darn being raised in Louisiana

and taught English by rednecks

and swamp people

Ha

Also, I think the word "mile" sounds weird if I don't say it in a southern accent

I love my boyfriend more than ever today because he saw me at my absolute worst and still loves me. I'm sure I was awful!

Ha. I felt so disgusting and sick.

Yeap yeap. Andrew's such a sweet guy. <3

He makes me so happy.

I was just thinking "Thank god he's my boyfriend" all day. ha

Mm

I just want to hug and kiss him all the time.

Andrew <3

And like when I was on the phone with him last night

that was nice to leave it on

because sometimes when you're alone in a hotel room as sick as I was

you need someone there

or at least to hear something

because in silence the feeling of being weak and pathetic arises

and you just can't sleep

So yeah, it was comforting to leave the phone on

Cause geez, I was near the woods somewhere in Maryland

I felt so helpless.

Stupid body

why must you get sick??

I love Andrew. :)

Bruce wrote this about me. I just had to laugh. Also, I won't correct any of his grammatical errors.

" Its strange, the first thing I can remember now is the day that I met the most wonderful person in the world I can remember, well some may not call her wonderful, but to me she is everything, no matter how evil she may be somedays. But as I recall it, I was near death and laying immobile on the shoreline just shortly before the high tide was about to come in. It was by far the most terrifying moment of my life. Here I was severely injured, unable to move, feeling the water slowly rushing and rising in around my head. I tried with all my strength to get up, yet I couldn't even turn my head in a way to keep the salty water from splashing in with every new wave that made it to shore. I had then resigned myself to the fact that I surely would die.
Just then, the most amazing thing happened, I felt a warm hand touch my chin and it turned my head to the side. Upon gazing at the sky, I was the most beautiful angel kneeling over me, she flashed what seemed to be a short smile at me, although at the time I recall it being more of a grin, however for some reason I am convinced it had to be a smile. Anyway, the wind blew her long, straight, dark hair over her eyes and as she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "If you would like to live say so now."
Upon hearing her words I tried to speak but I couldn't, not because I was gazing at the the most beautiful vision I had ever seen, but because I was unable to do anything at all due to my tragic incident. All I could do was stare up at her beautiful face, full of innocence, while her brown eyes stared back at me and her pink lips parted for what once again looked like a grin but most definitely had to be a smile. She looked at me with pity as she realized that I could not speak and slowly touched my lips with her finger. She then spoke again, "You can speak now, so one more time, would you like to live?"
I looked back at her, my eyes being pierced by her gaze and I slowly was able to force out the first words that I can remember ever speaking, "Yes... yes... I would like... to live."  What I found odd was that with each word, with each breath that I used to speak those word, a terrible pain erupted in my chest, almost like something was tearing away at my skin tissue, and even deeper into my heart.
She looked at me flashing her grin... i mean smile as I confessed my will to live and slowly rose to her feet. It was the first time that I had ever seen her in her entirety. She was absolutely perfect. She was the perfect female specimen. She had a perfect face with shinny black hair being whipped around her perfectly complected face in the breeze. And as I looked down, she had such a perfectly proportioned figure that was covered in a thin white cloth robe with long, loose sleeves that flapped helplessly in the wind as well. "She truly must be an angel," I thought to myself.
She then back away from me, disappearing from my sight, just then the pain in my chest was no more, but the disappointment of no longer seeing her beauty terrified me. I then felt her grab my ankles and pull me away from the water that was about to envelop my head and I realized that this angel had saved my life for the first time that day.
My joy however was not yet complete, as the angel walked gracefully back into my view and slowly kneeled down and spoke to me again. "If I am to save you, I will expect to be repaid, tell me dear sir, what will you pay me."
I tried to respond but again was unable to, then once again she reached down and touched my lips and I responded. "I have...nothing...to give you,... I wish... I did." Once again with each breath I felt agony in my chest.
Upon hearing this, she looked sad and angry, this time she spoke to me more forcefully. "Let me show you why you lie in this position." She then reached behind me and lifted my head, just then I saw what was causing my pain, a knife had been plunged into my chest right where my heart was, and there it remained. It became clear to me now as to why it hurt to speak. Then I heard her speak again in a forceful tone, "You wound is from a woman scorned, dare not scorn another on this day, or a greater price today you will pay."
I then felt her finger touch my lips again, and slowly I spoke, each word bringing agony to my breast. "I will give you anything and everything my dear angel, just please let me live."
Upon uttering these word I felt her slowly lower my head back to the sand as she ran her fingers through my hair and my gaze was once again on her lovely face and she spoke to me one last time before beginning the process that would bring me fully back to life. "Anything and everything it shall be. But before we go on, I must tell you that the process will be painful but the reward is well worth it. You will experience the greatest agony one can feel but if you make it through the pain, you WILL come out alive."
I tried to respond to her, but this time she did not touch my lips, all I could do was remain silent and limp as once again there was no life in me. Slowly and carefully she unbuttoned my shirt and slowly removed it over the knife wound. The then placed it underneath my head as a pillow, thus allowing me to see her progress. I then saw her slowly rise as step over my body so that as she stood there she straddle my     body. It was the most magnificent site, as I was able to see her feminine perfection once again, this time I noticed that her gown was short, thus revealing her legs which showed the mix of perfect feminity while at the same time showed strength. They were also the perfect creamy color, and all I could do was stare at them and wonder how I was so lucky to meet such a gorgeous and powerful creature.
She the slowly lowered herself onto my body, sitting on my stomach and reached her hands out to grab the instrument of my demise. She wrapped both hands around it and began to pull with all her might. Slowly the knife began to move and soon I could see part of the bloody blade that was in my chest. Just then a pain shot through my body, and I let out a silent scream that turned more audible with every second that she pulled the knife out. It was total agony, there was nothing I could do to make it stop. I couldn't speak nor move. All I could do was lay there and take it like a man.
Finally after what seemed like were hours (but was only a few seconds), the knife was fully removed from my chest, it was of great relief to know that the worst was over, or so I thought, because just then she took the knife and plunged it into my chest, sawing into it, but this time making sure not to cut into my heart. Slowly she carved a hole around my wounded heart, each stroke causing greater pain than the one before, each one causing me to emit a louder scream, and each one making her look down at me with more pity in her eyes than the one before. Finally, this time after what seemed like days but was a few minutes, she stopped sawing at my chest and threw the knife into the sea. "The knife will be needed no more she said to me as she smiled, but more pain is yet to be realized. I am sorry but this is the way it has to be. Just look at my face and I promise to help distract you from the pain."
I did as she said and set my gaze upon her face. Just then nothing else seemed to matter. I then felt her reach into the hole she created and tenderly grab my heart. Don't get me wrong, it hurt like Hell, but this time I didn't scream, this time I lay there in a whimper distracted from the pain by her beauty. Slowly I felt her remove my heart but I could still feel my heart in her hand. Then in a delicate manner she began tracing over the wound with her finger which acted as a hot iron thus cauterizing the wounds. Each stroke brought about pain but a pain that subsided into slight discomfort. As she continued all I could think was that surely she should be done by now, there were only two wounds, the entrance and the exit wound. But I then felt her place three series of three strokes on my heart, but I thought nothing of it. Finally she was finished and placed my heart back where it belonged and slowly cauterized the wound in my chest.
After finishing she looked down at me and whispered into my ear. "Almost done me sweet pet, almost done." I felt her run her hand through my hair and give me a peck on the cheek. It was bliss, here this angel, no goddess was not only was saving me from death, but pressed her diving lips against me. I truly was lucky. Just then she parted my lips and gently pressed her lips to mine, not for a kiss, but to blow into my mouth. Like a rush of wind I felt breath enter into my body for the first time that I could ever remember.
I just laid there in full amazement, breathing slowly as she began to get up and stood over me, straddling my body, then stepping over me with one of her perfect legs. I heard her speak, this time in a more forceful tone, "Arise my pet, on your feet. I am not yet finished with you yet, but in a few minutes we will be there."
Slowly I began to rise, but as I got to one knee I began to struggle. Then I felt the touch of the divine goddesses hand under my chin and slowly she guided me up to my feet, where I stood on legs that were wobbly. "You are not yet fully healed, but soon you will be." I tried to respond but was still to weak. She then leaned in close to my ear and brushed her lips up against it while whispering something into it all the while using her finger to trace along my bare chest the same three series of three strokes. Once finished she backed away and I immediately fell to my knees, unable to speak or move, my whole body was limp, my head facing the ground, with only the ability to breathe in deeply and out slowly.
Gracefully she knelt down beside me, once again lifting my head with her gentle touch, she pressed her lips to mine and blew life into me, but this time she did something more, this time she exhaled taking something from me but what it was at the time I did not know. It was a strange feeling. She repeated the process again, slowly standing, bringing me up with her until I too was standing.  This time, I was standing on my own, without her help and she backed away. I finally had the strength not only to stand, but to speak. "Thank you my goddess," were the only words at that time that I wished to speak.
Just then, a grin came across her face, an evil grin as the wind whirled around her, slowly transforming her. Her loose white robe turned to dark form fitting leather revealing her perfect figure, slowly horns began to appear on her head, and a tale like a whip with a barbed end appeared and quickly struck me once on my right thigh and once on my left bringing me to my knees once again.  I tried to rise, but the terror of the moment kept me kneeling in front of the creature in front of me. Oddly, she had turned even more beautiful, and more captivating as a result of her transformation. I could not speak, all I could do was listen as she finally revealed herself to me.
"Listen my pet, no need to thank me. You paid for your fate with 'anything and everything.' I gave you life, just so I could have it. Your life, your all is mine, it everything you have."
I remained in a kneeling position dazed and confused, trying to figure out how this happened. "How does she own me I thought to myself"
I then heard her say, "Oh poor boy, stupid boy, I can hear your thoughts so I guess I will tell you since you have yet to figure it out. My pet, think to when I healed your heart, you know I did more than heal the wounds, what else did I do?"
I thought back to that moment, and it all became clear, the extra strokes were made for a purpose, three strokes for N, three for H, and three for I. I then looked at my chest, and it was confirmed the same strokes she used on my heart were there. She not only healed me, she made her mark on me, she had claimed me. Just then she laughed the most girlish giggle ever, "just figured it out huh? Your heart belongs to me, and your body, its all mine, my name is written on them both.
Terror once again seized me as I wanted to run away. But was unable to, not because she was keeping me, but because I couldn't. I literally was frozen and she spoke again. "Ahh, trying to run away, I know it, I know your heart, after all it is mine remember. See I also charged you your will in order to save you. Its what I exhaled from you, its now all mine. You do what I say, and you will learn to do what I want before I even say it my little puppet pet. I own you, every bit of you. You're my slave for eternity. But just so you know that I am not too evil I will give you a choice. You can live as I have stated or you can go back to where you came."
I pondered for not more than a second, and I quickly fell to my knees in front of the gorgeous creature only to then bow and I said, "I choose to be yours forever, anything and everything is yours." I dare not gaze upon her as I laid my head in the sand at her feet, I then felt something slowly snake around my neck and guide me up to my feet. I looked and the creature had turned her back to me with her tail around my neck acting as a leash and collar in one, she then began walking. I had no choice not to go, not because of the tail around my neck, because we both knew that was just for show, but because she willed me to go with her. A few steps into our journey she looked back at me and said "I knew you'd choose to stay, after all, it was my will that you would."

The End "

This week has gotten back into music so bad

I need to play more

also I need to lose 30 lbs

ha

part of me wants to be a starving musician just traveling around

but we all know that I'm going to become a doctor

I really like school.

Where does all of my money come from??!

Sometimes I amaze myself because working and saving up all summer lasted me a semester of Magic, food, gas and traveling. Ha. But now I'm broke so... time to work once more.

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Fucking Ronnie Sosa

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I can't even remember his face anymore. I can't do it. There is no recollection. Am I really going to let years pass me by like that have for all of his other idolizing followers? Of course not. I'm Nhi. I have my own life. He knows it too and wants it to be that way.

Ha

Ugh

What if my role model is a figment of my imagination? An impossible delusion. He's who I aspire to be, yet I know I'll be greater. I will be greater.

Countenance is an SAT word?

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I'm not sad. I just use my blog to complain because I don't want to have to torture actual people with bad feelings. Duh

Of course I'm happy. I can promise you that.

Mm

My life is going on very well

:)

Like everything!

Everything is so good

Just thinking about Tommy and how I was the opposite around whatshisface makes me laugh.

Why the hell did I return my $1400 bike to my ex? It was my Christmas present... -_-;;

Then again, I was so damned spoiled. Ha.

White people...

ha

everyone is so different.

I'm in love and I'll be fine.

We all have the same problems.

I'm a sweetheart. n_n

Wow, I feel so awkward.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

You know, there's actually someone out there who really loves me, but doesn't know me at all. I mean, he knows me a bit, but since he doesn't hang out with me he has developed some odd, fantastical delusion. Sure, I'm a sweetheart, but his dreams of me are such high standards and now I actually want to try and reach them. It's silly really. This relationship. Everyone is a fictional idea in each other's minds. None of us are real.

Same thing is also happening to me though. The same thing.

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Well, it depends on the guy

and the time I suppose

cause if I was with Tommy and gone this long he'd probably just catch up on his sleep

play video games

and hang out with his friends

fix his car

play with his hobbies

all the things I stopped him from doing. ha

weird.

and with whatshisface

I didn't even matter

Well, that's not true

My company was appreciated and enjoyed, but not necessary

for now

ha.

Mm..

Life

I really do love being 18.

It's been 4.5 months almost.

I can't even go out to drink or anything

Only leave my house

God

It feels so great to meet new people

and explore

and find new things

this different environment is wonderful

I can't even describe

Keeping a boyfriend happy is really difficult.

Rawr

Remember my at least $20,000 engagement ring?

Fucking ridiculous

now I don't even want to think about marriage

I just like being happy now

Steve farts so damn much.

-_-;;

Hahahaha

he's disgusting.

Jesus Christ. I had no idea what I got involved in when I met you-know-who. Before you know it my life will consist of one huge delusional adventure that will be shared by a select few. Those who can handle it at least. I'll need to find people who'll love me enough to allow themselves to be trapped and get sucked into this obscene fantasy. It won't be difficult, especially for Nhi.

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Wow, I am so amazingly happy this morning!!!

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I am so totally insanely madly in love with this profound and crazy idea!

Will it never go away?

Oh god

of course not

especially not since I'm immersing myself in a constant reminder of this future (which is now btw) every day.

Anyway, happy new year, Nhi.

Hope it's as good and as memorable as 2011

Man, was 2011 so

god

I don't know

too much, man... too much.