What the hell am I doing?

I'm like... going through torture right now

In the name of being 18 and being free

Making new friends, experiences and memories...

Why do I feel like I'm more afraid of being comfortable and not doing new things?

I guess it's because I really don't want to grow up. Please don't let me get old. I have to take advantage of my age and free time now!!! Look at all those people who wished they traveled more or who wished they've done this or that.

I don't know, I just want to be Nhi. I want to be special, different and memorable. I want to be desirable

Is it ironic that this goal makes me average?

So logically... doesn't this mean I'm doing everything the average girl wants to do?

It must make me different that I'm actually acting upon what I want to do instead of just dreaming though

You'll see, I'll accomplish everything I'll want!

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Oh god. The "L" word

Totally... makes... my night

:)

And pissed off too

*sigh*

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theres this guy whos like a worse version of this awesome guy I know and apparently this new guy is also inspired by the awesome guy.

its really weird

im not sure whether or not it makes the awesome guy even more awesome

or if I should stop feeling so special

its quite confusing

I still feel like there are at least two me's

One who's happy and will accept whatever

and one who's happy and knows she can be happier.

Most of the time it feels like I'm the one who can be happier watching this fake girl inside my body

it's weird.

I don't like it.

But at least when I go away I get to find out who I am

I keep expecting to change

I have already and will continue to do so.

I'm very much in love

...

with life and possibilities that is

I suppose...

Sometimes, all I do is try to be good.

Yes, there are actual moments where I'm not selfish and it surprises me

I've kind of been super influenced (and very easily at that) by Ayn Rand

Being selfish is good.

*sigh*

Sometimes I just do my best

and when it's not enough it really frustrates me

I always feel like I could have done more, you know?

Why won't this person be happy, why won't that person be happy

What did I do wrong?

And I just get so tired of this!

It takes so much effort

and when things go wrong I usually just give up, only for a bit though

I give up, sit back angrily and wait

I won't do anything or say a word

this is because I'm waiting for time to pass, I know the future is always better

just waiting and waiting...

time calms me down

time brings me new opportunities

and time lets people forget

Goddammit, just let me be and let me have my own opinions.

It doesn't affect you so don't worry. Don't be so vain.

These are just my opinions and thoughts. They were already here, nothing new about me. I haven't changed.

Only your opinion of me has changed because you now understand me more. If you don't like it I'm sorry. I'm not going to change.

So yeah

I love you

Thanks for reading, people

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I'm glad I've been heartbroken because I know it's just temporary pain. You'll be fine.

Just don't listen to all those love songs on the radio...

Or watch too many chick flicks...

Or hang around too many couples...

:/

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I am way too excited to meet the Gaggle Monster and earn his approval. I hope I'm not too fat or anything. Ha.

It's weird. His choice of words is almost just like you-know-whose

Yeap.

Cool cool. :)

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Thank you everyone who makes me feel special and actually listens to me. I appreciate it and you. Yeap. Thanks again.

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There's this one guy who clearly thinks I'm amazingly clever and brilliant

He pretty much loves me

and I really like how much he believes in me

One day I was just hanging out with him

(this was a long time ago, but whatever)

and his family met me

and they were all like

"is this the really smart girl you're always talking about? wow, she's really pretty"

I felt so good that day.

It's nice knowing that there are people out there who view me in such good light.

ha.

because i'm awful

at least today anyway

Fine. Sure. I don't care. I'll work today.

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Fucking Ronnie Sosa.

I feel so incredibly lonely and sad today.

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I'm upset that my mother and father decided to work today rather than spend time together. Jesus Christ. This is ridiculous. All I wanted to do is spend time with my sick mom to feel less guilty about going to DC.

I hate it when people make me feel guilty. I hate it. Mostly because I don't believe anything is my fault anyway. Don't piss me off.

And please don't tell me what to do. *sigh* But I don't mind recommendations.

Also, I love you.

Sorry for being such a bitch.

Hm.

10'44AM Xmas eve.

I'm tired

And angry.

Goddammit

I want a normal family for one or two days of the year

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I hate nerds

But I like you

me: Good.

"You're a fucking gold mine"


Yeap. I am.


Ha, this comment will make my day. 


I'm happy. :)

Blah blah blah

Something about my boyfriend.

I really like him. *sigh*

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You know, a few months ago I.thought I was never going to get married.

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This is another moment.

I'm waiting for time to pass.

I have nothing to worry about

But the people all around me do

And I suppose that I do care for them

But...

I want to stay happy.

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So I was singing randomly like I usually do

with my best attempts to rhyme of course

so I recorded a bit of it and these are the lyrics:

Listen to me now. You've got my heart. You've got my soul.

I don't know where to go.

You left me behind

with a deranged mind

no care for my past

I wish it would last

You tried your best to make me sway, sway, sway

It's not fair that ideas won't go away.

Ouch, you're killing me now

How could you possibly let this go down?

Showers never made you come clean

If only you knew of the horrors I've seen.

Sing with me please, don't leave me alone

What a wicked world you have so clearly shown.

Every walk I take a step leads to a needle

I'm stuck cowering, my position fetal.

I can touch your soul and have you love me

It's possible!

To hold onto forever

Um

er.

Ah...

I am so creepy!

So tangible and possible... if only I wanted.

Things are better when I'm with Andrew. I don't understand why.

I'm sure I've heard it before, but I can't remember now...

I go fucking insane in a cluttered, messy room.

Jesus.

I can't wait to go back home Saturday and Sunday. -_-;;

My lovely, lovely room.....

It's freaking huge

and clean

and bright

and comfortable.

:)

It's so nice.

Also, I guess I'll live in the Dean Road house as soon as I come back for school

At least I'll try to

We'll see.

There's no internet there or anything

So I'll probably have to figure things out.

I can't believe I'm ignoring you. This never happens!

But you can't have too much of me :/

I'm so good. >_<

I should stop remember before I get caught up in the past again. I'm sure current Nhi wouldn't want that... but I don't know.

Remember that one day when I drove half an hour to see a guy

and I took a nap with him

and we were happy for maybe two hours together

and he woke up

and when all things were said and done he told me

"I need to be alone today"

and I said "Alright, I understand."

and I just left...

like that..

I wanted to be mad

but I couldn't be

He had me under some trance

And at that moment I knew that I was going to drive forever to see him again tomorrow

and the day after that

and the day after that

I just wanted him to be happy and love me.

...

and so I think

"Man, if I was so tolerant with that guy, why am I not nice to everyone else I'm with?"

so yeah

I try.

Magic.

... Ugh

I'm not feeling so good now.

:(

I feel sick.

I should be better soon

 

when I'm productive.

alright

I'll do stuff now.

I love you.

Wow, I'm a crazy bitch.

Ha

I am like.... so totally clingy and in love and weird and stuff

o_o

man

...

It's like I'm 13 again. -_-;;

but I'm not 13! Not anymore!

Ha.

Being 18 is like...

yeah, I'm legal

but really I'm just a kid inside

but I can pretend not to be

o_o

I don't know

AHhHHHHHhhhHHHHHhHHHHhhhhhhh

And I just know that I probably will not want to talk to anyone while I'm in DC

:/

I know I have more than one personality

I've also convinced myself that I will develop schizophrenia later on.

o_o

=/

WHY?!

Do I WANT to be crazy?

I keep changing my mind

because part of me already believes that I am crazy.

Huh.

Anyway.

I can't wait until Monday

:D

Andrew and I shall be at St. Augustine together

I have been called and or described as a sweetheart six times this week.

Not bad.

I am very upset that I don't get to have a first New Year's away from home with my boyfriend. Instead, I shall be partying (most likely awkwardly) with strangers in DC.

I have a feeling that they'll be pretty old strangers too.

I'm not sure, yet.

Also

my first kiss of the year will probably be on the 8th or 9th of January.

-______-;;

That seems like forever!

Hmph

I miss my boyfriend

He's pretty good!

and awesome

and lovable

and great. :)

<3

My boyfriend is great.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*different topic*

Man, this guy and I have the weirdest relationship.

It used to be me doing whatever he said

because I was this teenage girl with the biggest crush ever

but now it's like

...

I don't know.

I have a lot more self control

and I have a boyfriend now

He's more like this best friend who I can only talk to when I'm on the brink of insanity

you know?

He completely understands me

but that's only because I'm becoming him...

He's my role model is so many ways

ever since I met him I was hooked on his ideas

most of them anyway.

He's lucky he was the first guy I met

I mean, if it were anyone else

would I still feel as happy?

I don't know.

But it's because of him that I want to go travel

that I don't like wearing labels

that I try harder in music

that I actually try in school

and so much more.

Yeah, he's a good friend.

And it's so weird...

I don't think I'll ever see him again

and whenever we do talk

it's weird.

I don't know.

Never mind.

I can't believe it's December 22nd already.

Fuck.

I am in physical pain.

Not much

but still

it's gross

Anyway

I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to cats...

I mean

not deathly allergic or whatever

but my skin is pretty gross now

and I'm going to need to drink a lot of water

and put on a lot of lotion

for about a week for it to be nice again.

ha.

Um.

Yeah.

Why do I feel the need to tell you this??

Rant rant rant.

Also

I have Jon Finkel's gtalk

I will probably ask him for tips later

because

I want to see how well I can play Magic

yeap.

3 months and counting.

I pretty much suck now. -_-;;

but maybe I'll get better in a few years?

Ha

Like when I'm 20 or something.

Normally I would try to be distant

I want to be the unloving one

and the person who cares less.

I don't really like all the mushy love stuff

especially during the beginning of a relationship

but I don't know.

I'll accept it for now.

I miss my boyfriend. He's fantastic!

But really

most of the time

I won't be so loving

=/

There's this one guy who talks to me whenever he feels like it

and it's usually just to make him feel better

yet I am super happy  every time he does this

whether it's some short conversation once a month

or multiple times within a week.

I enjoy feeling loved.

Did you know that?

I'd like to take this time to rave about my boyfriend. I love him very much...

He's very understanding and caring

pretty bright

I like the way he thinks.

Mm... I love Andrew Wilson.

He makes me feel good.

:)

I just... kind of feel disgusted now

I really am hating many things.

Ugh

Men are nasty

and gross.

They really are.

Why do I let myself deal with them, huh?

.....

*sigh*

Anyway

I don't really know what to talk about right now

But I don't like the thought of me being only 18

and just so many older guys

with kids and stuff hit on me

I just feel gross.

Like

they could be my dad and

idk

I used to like older guys

but it's different

It's just different.

I used to be like

yeah, I'll date guys up to 49

as long as he's handsome, successful and stable or whatever

but now

guys who are around 30 really freak me out..

So yeah.

It's weird because

I don't know

I'm weird

I just feel gross though

I don't enjoy being leered at like a piece of meat by older men

that's when I know getting into my pants is their only goal

that's when I know that everything I hear is a lie

and it sickens me because I hear the same compliments all the time

It gets to me, you know?

Alright, I'm cute

yeah, I'm smart

I'm a challenge and mysterious because I'm quiet and shy

apparently I'm very understanding

argh

I can't think.

Every compliment I used to think was special I know I've heard a million times before

Do all guys use the same line?

Some guy today told me that he loves talking to me because I'm quiet and it's difficult getting me to talk
but when I do the things I say are really great because I'm so thoughtful and clever
He likes it because he feels like he's causing a butterfly to come out or whatever

I mean, I like being compared to a butterfly... I guess.

But I've heard so many analogies similar to this.

Am I really special?

Another guy today started some deep conversations with me about judging people
and I was just telling him my opinions

oh never mind

It's just New York guys

getting into my head.

I don't like any of them.

I miss my boyfriend.

Confession

*Also, I change my mind a lot and have mixed thoughts*

I know I'm cute

and realize that not many girls are into the hobbies I have

so I'll get a bit of attention

and will accept free things.

But I don't like that...

I'm kinda vain and using people.

But I don't mind that much...

because I'm getting free stuff.

Ha.

Whatever.

I'm an awful person!

T_T

Jesus Christ, I need to stop hanging out with old people

er,

I mean older people.

They're like 25 year old girls obsessed with getting married

ha

Holy shit, I am in a lot of physical pain right now.

OW, OW, OW, OW, OW....

T______T

It hurts.

I AM GOING TO MEET THE REASON I MADE AN OKCUPID ACCOUNT AND STARTED PLAYING MAGIC... OH MY GOD.

Ha.

And to think.

Just three months ago I wouldn't have cared whatsoever.

I would have thought "Who's Jon Finkel??"

xD

Of course you don't understand me

You don't want to!

Geez.

Why did I want to go to Spain?

Why did I leave for New York?

Because I had to escape

Because I had to gain that taste of freedom when I could

Sure, I didn't live a life like you

Mine was a bit different

I was just so sheltered.... so suffocated

so loved and cared for

so spoiled.

I didn't get to do what I wanted to though

I never had many friends

or went to any parties

or attended sleepovers

or have friendly neighbors...

And things just became even more difficult due to the fact that I attended 24 different schools

that's an average of me going to two new schools a year

an average of me being the new kid two times a year

And you wonder why I'm so socially inept?

*sigh*

I really just wanted to do my own thing

as soon as I could!

I'm coming back... I was raised just fine.

But please, leave me be

Yeah, yeah, yeah

First world problem, annoying teenage girl

I JUST turned 18, but hey

this is the time for me to make mistakes

not when I'm older

but whatever... I just had to vent.

Just love me and be happy, please.

I really need more happy people in my life.

Maybe you could have handled whatever

but I couldn't

I get it. No one wants me to die.

now leave me the fuck alone to myself

you just ruined something I hoped would change my life for the better.

You've left me alone

with everything bad on my mind surrounding me

It hurts

I'm complaining

I know I'm a teenage girl

but I wanted to run away and start over

if only for a little bit...

that's all.

I promised to return

but now I'm burnt out

What the hell else do you want me to do??

What can I do??

I might as well use all of this fucking money to pay off my debts

This is not going to make me happy

stop buying my love

stop it...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What the fuck, Nhi?

Are you really just going to get a job now

after telling people to stop throwing money at you?

I don't understand

So yeah, you're not going to Spain

But you are 18.

Not 19

20

21

22

23

.... 40

Whatever.

You're so young with so much time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My entire family keeps asking who I'm going to Spain with

...

They think I'm meeting up with you-know-who

Ha

After all of this time they STILLLLLL

ugh

never mind.

T_T

I really am going alone though

just to escape

if only for a little bit

I keep realizing things that are typical characteristics of a geek

:/

Why am I so geeky?!

T_T

I love it when people stalk me

or think about me all day

or

"nwoll27: i was actually thinking about your voice earlier today

  specifically your voice

10:17 PM is that weird?

 me: Nope

  Well

  Why?

 nwoll27: i was thinking about how you seem to speak with only the top of your diaphragm, like you're whispering the words

  i think that's the biggest "problem" with your voice, at least as far as singing goes

  (i rather like your normal voice)

10:19 PM i think you could do a lot with it by taking a deep breath and puffing up your chest and trying to sing with your whole abdomen, really like

  push the air out

  if that makes sense

 me: alright, I shall try that!!!

10:20 PM nwoll27: i was listening to that clip i recorded the other day with you and the part where i was saying you could be my intrepid radio partner

  and i was thinking that you'd have a good voice for it if you projected yourself more

 me: Oh, I see

  I definitely don't have a fearless voice

  ha

10:21 PM nwoll27: because the way you normally speak, sometimes it's almost like you're at the end of your breath and it loses definition and cracks sometimes

  i have a lot of time to think when i'm at work.

  ahahaha

 me: Hm

  I never noticed it

  my voice changes a lot though

10:22 PM Like I'll purposely try to my voice deeper and articulate my words when speaking logically about something

  or explain something I really know/care about

 nwoll27: yeah

10:23 PM it's easy to tell when you're comfortable speaking

  at least i think it is

 but i notice those sorts of things too

  OR

  maybe i just want to think you're more comfortable around me now

  ahahaha

10:24 PM me: Kinda, yeah"

I really should be doing my math homework now and I really should find a place to live in Spain. D:

...

LIFE IS ABOUT TO START.

MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO START.

<3

I've got it good

Too, too, too, too, too spoiled

o_o

Here.

I've got everything you need to stalk me here

why

am

I

so...

dumb

>_<

HmmMmMMMMM

Why do I eat when I'm bored?

I've gained like... 10lbs this year

in preparation of winter in Spain!!!

:)

Will I learn ANY Spanish?!

In a single month...

huh

I believe I can

Hey guys!!! Apparently I have hundreds of viewers sooooo....

listen to this clip of me singing!

http://soundcloud.com/vi3thoneyx/come-together

Yeap. That is all.

Yeah,  I know that I'm not good at singing. I really do.

However, at least I am not terrible.

I'm sorry if my mediocre singing makes you feel awkward though,
I can empathize. Ha!

<3

Um

I just really wanted attention tonight is all

so far a lot of kids have been telling me that I'm not a good singer

but I'm cute so they like it

and the more they listen to it the better it gets.

ha

just like the more you get to know me the better I get!

But also, here's the original song I was listening to before I got bored and decided to try it out for myself.

Enjoy

life and everything! <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH6eiCJ9SDs

I really don't consider myself to be a nerd.

Reading about lawyers on Reddit

the broad description of new, young lawyers make them sound really hot

willing to take a chance
actually fighting for justice
starving so they will do their best to win a case
resourceful
creative
open-minded

mm....

ha

and then the experienced lawyers all sound like typical douchebags -_-;;

ha

so yeah

maybe I'll be a lawyer.

I don't know

Man, I really do care about this Andrew kid. >_<

If you asked me a few months ago if I would really ever care about anyone

I would probably answer

or

hm...

well

just me and Kyle

Tommy's been a douche

orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

idk

*sigh*

I am so weird

Remember when I said that I didn't believe in love last year?

And Kyle was like "That's really weird for a 17 year old girl to say"

or something like that.

I don't know

I keep learning new things

Ugh

My mind

keeps changing

good videos always make me cry.

sometimes I want to marry a girl and raise a kid just to prove that I can do it

Take that, society!

then again.. I can do anything really

*sigh*

I'm bored

and tired

and procrastinating

and scared

Why did I start a relationship before my trip to Spain?

I am not a clever man.

I just wanted to use that meme.

*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

I didn't think I'd miss anyone while I was gone

but I was wrong. T________T

Man oh man oh man

I love it when plans are made for me to be spoiled

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

dammit

ha

I am such a sucker

for fine wine, good food and the beach

of course I'll accept your offer!!!

Plus, the theater?

Geez oh geez oh geez.

......

All of these plans for when I return

mmmmm :)

I can't even describe how I feel

I must be bipolar.

I must be
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, Miami was nice

I like Andrew

I just....

I just don't know about Spain.

Here goes nothing I suppose

So worrisome

It's going to cause me so much trouble

But.... I mean I'll be fine.

I'm 18.

:/

People always forget how young I am.

Oh, random, but I am talking to my friend, Nick, and he just made me laugh

:

nwoll27: haha

  going to call it an early night?

  you'll feel better if you do :P

10:21 PM me: I might

  I'm just lying in bed now

 nwoll27: OH

  just got your facebook response to my message

 me: Being on the road for 5 hours was kinda tiring

10:22 PM nwoll27: i was going to tell you

  when i sent that message i decided to stalk you for a minute

  and i was reading that thread with your friend yazzy

10:23 PM and you told her to go travel, and she said she would if she had the money

  to which you said

  "Then work! It'll only take a few days to earn enough money for a plane ticket. That's all you need. I'm going to Spain next week...."

  i cannot tell you how incredibly attractive you were to me when i read that

  ahahaha

Close call.

Oh my God, I hate girly men

Jesus

I'm girly enough as is

I don't need my mind to be poisoned anymore

I've made enough irrational decisions in my life and it pains me to see you be stupid as well

I love you <3

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Man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man oh man..............

ha.

I'm not ready to get in trouble again

so I won't say what I came here to say

DUN DUN DUN

How the hell do you do that?

You're so lazy, but it worked.........

I wonder if you're really smart

or experienced

or idk.

Hm................

Whatever.

Sometimes...

there are people who make me wanna cry

for good reasons

mm....

Thanks.

=/

For caring and being honest

I really like it

and needed it.

You are so important to me.

*sigh*

I just got a brilliant idea!!!!!!!!!!

I'll play Magic in Spain!!!!!

and find new friends

who play magic

:D

DAMMIT.

I just realized that I can't participate in another FNM before Spain

because I'll be at some dumb Jesus retreat thing.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat......

-_________-;;;

This pisses me off so much!

God

...

dammit.

ha

*sigh*

Whatever

I SHALL PLAY MAGIC IN SPAIN!!!

I once had an evil ex who would push me off the side of the bed and hold onto me as I hang onto his arm hopelessly.

ha

Random memory from reading a rage comic.

He'd pull me back up of course. He's not that much of a bastard.

Soon I can run away and breathe.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

the fresh air of Barcelona

I'll be dirty with my backpack on

looking for coffee shops or something

hola, me llamo nhi. estoy visitando espana. quieres ser mi amigo?

and then I will eventually learn spanish

and find random friends

and search for wi-fi

o_o

I'M SO EXCITED!

Om nom nom nom nom

I was going to write a post

about the lecture my dad gave me

It was pretty good

he's so good at logic and brainwashing

so good...

But I changed my mind

because my boyfriend's upset at me

and I don't know why

and it's really bothering me

because I don't like it

*sigh*

Oh, Jesus.

What a roller coaster of emotions

...

-_____________-;;

sad, sad, sad...

HAPPY!!!!!!!!!

In love

HAPPY!!!!!!!!

confused

angry

tired.

ha

Dang it. I did it again!

I let money affect how happy I am.

Ha

Whatever

-_<

>_<

=/

xD

I'm sorry, I love you

Just leave me alone to be 18 years old

I'm dumb and need to grow up

before I begin premature deterioration.

Of the soul that is

Imagine!

What is wrong with me being completely satisfied with my situation?

*sigh*

I am fine. I promise you, I know myself. I am fine and happy.

I am fine and happy

stop stressing me out

I don't care if I'm not going to be a millionaire

or whatever

Please stop worrying about me

and limiting my life

if I had a chance

I wouldn't have run away, would I?

What can I do

to not listen to everyone.

Please... be quiet.

Please

I need more fruit

Ever had that experience as a child where you would run away and hide trying your best not to hear adults argue?

Why is it so scary?

Well, let me tell you

I'm in a room now

with my music playing

so I don't have to listen

Good morning, world.

Attempting to ignore everyone

and it's not working

....

Everyone

is so frustrating

if I ever gossip

stop me

I'm tired

I don't want to be like this

I don't want to be closed-minded

a...

I....

great.

I love

something

bye

I am far from a gold digger

if you didn't realize

Drama, drama, drama

Didn't I tell myself I would try not to be involved in so much drama last year??

Of course I'm the one who causes it....

hahahaha

Ugh

So anyway

o_o

yeah

passport stuff

that's all

I think I should get my credit cards

how many

blah

....

hahh

I just figure

I'll be fine

No one understands me

that is false

....

I want to keep changing myself

so that no one understands me

why??

but that means

they know the person I am

ha

ever-changing

.

.

.

Why am I so typical in thought

but

different in actions

when compared to others?

Typical, typical teenage girl

I think the same as all of you

I really do

all of these words

Annoying.

Overly dramatized.

I'm no poet

I don't think anymore deeply than others

I'm shallow

but

I still do things differently

I'm still unique

How is this possible?

All too much.

ha

All I want is my passport

I'll pay any amount

(almost)

to leave

.

I'm not rich

grawr

but

I'm not going to be poor

Hm.

In the future

Yes, I am poor now

ha

whatever.

Time to shower.

Fuck people you can't depend on

fuck it

fuck it all

fuck people you're supposed to trust

and

and

......

God dammit, this is why I'm so alone

I am so tired of going out.

I just want to seclude myself for 1-3 days

and not talk to anyone

...

I really don't want to talk to anyone

but feel kinda obligated

to let some people know what's going

(It's just me mostly doing my homework and sleeping)

I am not quite that repressed Catholic girl who's insane

but I will warn you

that school stresses me out -_-;;

I promise

that's the only time I'm difficult to deal with

.....

yeah, I think so

that's really the only time.

After drinking some soda

I realize

it's been a year

over a year now...
..
..

...
..
.
...

:(

:)

O_O

D:

n________n

:(

:/

>:(

:D

<3

:/

:)

:|

:|

:|

:T

alright

I'll smile

but whatever

:]

this exact time last year

was weird

at this hour

Nhi, stop thinking now

go to sleep

Okay

how many times have you been so hungry that it stopped hurting?

he also (he as in Andrew) told me that the more he got to know me the more he liked me

that was nice

and in my head i was thinking

yeah, that sounds like me

and i smiled like this ^_^

with my eyes closed

lol

it was a good night

blah

4am

and

I wanted to keep track of some memories

like how it was the 23rd of nov yesterday

but thank goodness

i have andrew

he makes me happy

he said something i wanted to quote

that made me happy

....

hm

I think it started off with

"I like you more now that when I met you"

something like that

and then he mentioned that he liked me at first

because I'm cute, play Magic, am quiet and easy to get along with

and now he's in love with me

:)

of course i smiled!

*sigh*

so good

.

god

i am so tired

but

i had to catch up on the internet

no reddit at all today

til now

lalwkefjaelf

god
an hour and half

akewlfef

my eyes hurt

goodnight

goodnight

goodnight

I'm pretty sure Andrew said that he loves me today.

11.21.11

Well, anyway

I whispered "I love you" in his ear after cupping my hand around it

(I wanted him to hear me)

earlier though he had asked me what I was thinking

and I said "Nothing"

but then changed my mind

he said "I love you, too" after I whispered to him by the way

so that counts

also

I think he said "I love you" again!

when I was about to leave

maybe

:)

I'm going to run away from my family and not tell them about my bad grades.

T_____________________________T

I'll probably get a C in Java, Bs in trig and chem and an A is psychology.

I feel like such a failure.

*sighhhhhhhh*

but I shouldn't. =/

I don't know

what to do

with myself

...........................

I will try a lot harder next semester

-----------------------------

I'm depending on Spain to do me a lot of good!

Hm...

I'm 18.

When I used to get really stressed out

and ranted a LOTTTTTTTTT to my ex while we were dating

I'd ask him to comfort me

and he was the worst at it

he kept telling me that he had no idea how

so for four years I tried training him to say "Everything will be alright, I love you."

followed by a kiss on the forehead and a hug.

...

...

...

Well, he never managed to get that for some reason

and

just thinking about it

I was one hell of a crazy girlfriend

I was awful

and really high maintenance

and idk

he didn't deserve me being upset so much

I really don't want to be a crazy girlfriend praying mantis thing

I mean, I'm sure I was the average kid girlfriend back then

I was like... 13-16?

or so

yeah.

middle school throughout high school

crazy stuff

I don't want to be a kid.

>_>

I hate realizing how young and childish and girly I am every time I write one of these stupid blog entries

I like to tell myself that I'm eating all this junk food in preparation of winter in Barcelona

I'm sure I won't be eating as much there

and it's going to be cold

...

haha

I'm so silly

Mm... winter in Barcelona

my first Christmas alone

and away!

:)

It's nice.

Have you ever had someone use you even when they're long gone?

I'm pretty sure that we both know that we're cyberstalking each other.

Or maybe it's just me

and I'm really creepy...

but no...

otherwise you wouldn't have done that

or seen this

or idk

:)

I'm not going to lie

all of this protesting makes me so sad

and I don't want to know the whole story

My friend, Matthew Craft, wrote this bit and I really liked it. Not sure why... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Don't you trust me?" The woman asked with an inquisitive and concerned look on her face. The man smiled halfheartedly cocking his head sideways for a moment, "Trust?...can you even define trust?" He retorted, "With a mind and heart that has seen the inner workings of the true human spirit...trust is a very touchy subject." He finished with eyes unblinking. She looked as if she had been slapped, and as if she wasn't satisfied. "What are you saying?" She asked raising her tone slightly, and as the words escaped her lips, he had already turned and began walking, laughing quietly and shaking his head. "The answer is no..." He finished broadly, making his way out of the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm just going to go ahead and guess that he doesn't trust women. :)

So my friend is madly in love with someone but they can't be together and so my friend found someone else and though my friend isn't madly in love with this new person but this new person makes my friend really happy and satisfied just no tingling sensations, or sparks or whatever Do you know what I'm saying? I don't have any advice It's just tough to watch

I should stop spending money on Magic. I need to save up a few bucks for Spain.... -____-;;

Or not. Maybe I'll go in broke.

Hm...

But I'll probably be hungry.

I think I need new shoes. I'm gonna look like a dork.

I want to make new friends.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.1

I predicted that he would say this.... ha.

Mm.... I like him so much!

He makes me happy. n_n

        me: I wanna watch a good movie
        Andrew: like Clue :O
        me: oh yeahhhhhh
        I don't know how it'll be though. It's from 1985...    
        Andrew: hey! so am I!
        me: But I do love 80s romance

I've gotten chubbier and I love my smile.

I may not be beautiful, but I'm still pretty

It's nice

Guys don't want to ravage me

At least not the ones I seem to meet

Maybe it's just me though

But everyone around me is trying their best to keep me happy

and take care of me

and I'm kind of hoping that this well help me out in Spain

I don't want to get hurt >_<

I'm going insane and this is awful timing.

I'm so nervous and scared about going to Spain!

What if I die?

I'm going to be there for an entire month!!!!

What the hell am I going to do?

What do I bring?

Where do I stay?

How do I eat?

And get money

and communicate

and


alkjwef;lakjefe

I don't know!!!!!!!!!!

WHat will I learn?

Who will I meet?

goodness

time

is

going

by

so

fast..................................................................................................

Why am I so scared thinking about it now?!?!

hahahaha....

I've been thinking about this for months

a;walwekj

o_o

o_o;;

=/

mm...

I love you

I'll be back soon

It's like he has telepathy..... or can read my mind or feel what's up

....


How?

I don't understand

And remember that old lady who thought I was a stripper because I introduced myself as "Honey"?

ahahahahahah

and THEN

it turned out she was my lil sis's teacher

and it was so awkward

and so funny

and I love life

Remember when we used to go to Whole foods every day and you'd buy me a bottle of champagne, some cheese and a box of olives?

Geez

I was like... only 14

Bahahaha

Good times..

Good times.

*sigh*

I lived an awesome life

so spoiled... >_>

I've been 18 for almost three months now.

Man

I am really young

.

I mean

I thought that when I turned 18 everything would be different

but nope

...

it's weird

moving up slowly.

Read something on Reddit today

about princes and rape

that really made me think

and I wonder why

r/wtf

....

stupid Reddit

I was in such a good mood earlier

Me and my boyfriend are doing pretty well I think

:)

Is the saying something like

first is the worst  and second's the best?

n_n

I want to have tingling sensations. o_o

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.1

Was going to quote something about bums and hippies

when I realized that the guy Brett was referring to

wasn't even my boyfriend.

So it's pointless

It's all pointless

ha

Sometimes you're just confused

and let memories fade

because you have no idea what the hell happened anyway

So yeah

this summer

I did that

and then felt slightly bad and guilty

that I didn't recall an entire relationship

that lasted for months

because I had no idea what happened to it

ha

It was weird

If I was a guy who wasn't me, I'd fall in love with Nhi.

...

ha

but then I'd kind of be frustrated too

because she's really weird

but so awesome

but so weird...

I'm not really in a Magic frenzy anymore. It' been two months or so. Not bad for a phase.

So I was conversing with Nate earlier and he made me feel AWESOME.

:)

ha

Nothing I didn't know before

just a new person

using new terms

...

It feels nice that people see me the way I want them to

and they see me as the person I want to be

so that means

I probably am that person

alwkejawel

*sigh*

Can't really explain it

I must have ranted about this idea earlier

but never mind.

I shall carry on with life!!

<3

I wish I was a nerd wanna be.... Then I wouldn't actually be a nerd. >_>

• 
  

  • 
    

    Nate Petersen

    • you're status on google says "ubuntu"
    • I had no idea u knew nething bout computers, lol
  • 
    

    3 minutes ago

    Hanh-Nhi 'Brianna' Pham

    • Oh
    • Ha
    • What's the question?
    • =p
  • 
    

    
    

    2 minutes ago

    Nate Petersen

    • lol, ur hiding ur smarts from me 

      I thought u were just a nerd wanna be girl playin magic

  
  

  • 
    

    2 minutes ago
• 
  

  2 minutes ago

  Hanh-Nhi 'Brianna' Pham

  • Am I?
  • I'm minoring in computer science
• 
  

  2 minutes ago

  Nate Petersen

  • how much u know bout computer stuffs?
• 
  

  2 minutes ago

  Hanh-Nhi 'Brianna' Pham

  • 
• 
  

  2 minutes ago

  Nate Petersen

  • 
• 
  

  2 minutes ago

  Hanh-Nhi 'Brianna' Pham

  • not much
• 
  

  2 minutes ago

  Nate Petersen

  • my jaw drops...*
  • 
• 
  

  2 minutes ago

  Hanh-Nhi 'Brianna' Pham

  • I'm more of a chemistry person
  • but I know C and Java
• 
  

  about a minute ago

  Nate Petersen

  • lol
• 
  

  about a minute ago

  Hanh-Nhi 'Brianna' Pham

  • that's about it really...
  • I use Ubuntu 10.10
  • and I have fedora on a desktop
• 
  

  about a minute ago

  Nate Petersen

  • u r so freakin attractive right now....
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Boy, I am ALWAYS attractive. Just kidding. =p