I just... kind of feel disgusted now

I really am hating many things.

Ugh

Men are nasty

and gross.

They really are.

Why do I let myself deal with them, huh?

.....

*sigh*

Anyway

I don't really know what to talk about right now

But I don't like the thought of me being only 18

and just so many older guys

with kids and stuff hit on me

I just feel gross.

Like

they could be my dad and

idk

I used to like older guys

but it's different

It's just different.

I used to be like

yeah, I'll date guys up to 49

as long as he's handsome, successful and stable or whatever

but now

guys who are around 30 really freak me out..

So yeah.

It's weird because

I don't know

I'm weird

I just feel gross though

I don't enjoy being leered at like a piece of meat by older men

that's when I know getting into my pants is their only goal

that's when I know that everything I hear is a lie

and it sickens me because I hear the same compliments all the time

It gets to me, you know?

Alright, I'm cute

yeah, I'm smart

I'm a challenge and mysterious because I'm quiet and shy

apparently I'm very understanding

argh

I can't think.

Every compliment I used to think was special I know I've heard a million times before

Do all guys use the same line?

Some guy today told me that he loves talking to me because I'm quiet and it's difficult getting me to talk
but when I do the things I say are really great because I'm so thoughtful and clever
He likes it because he feels like he's causing a butterfly to come out or whatever

I mean, I like being compared to a butterfly... I guess.

But I've heard so many analogies similar to this.

Am I really special?

Another guy today started some deep conversations with me about judging people
and I was just telling him my opinions

oh never mind

It's just New York guys

getting into my head.

I don't like any of them.

I miss my boyfriend.