It's weird sending out clips of sound to teach someone Vietnamese

I'm weird.

I got like at least $100 worth of crap for my boyfriend.

One year anniversaries!!!! <3

He's going to have the best looking garden in town : )

Ugh. I highly dislike a high gain sound on electric guitar...

Also
Idk
Attractive people.

It was a deeper voice than I remembered

But then it all came back to me..

Singing

What the hell am I doing to myself.

Jesus fucking Christ. I will go ballistic if I have to stay somewhere messy for more than three days.

All I want is some order and control in my life

The easiest things I can control are my living area, weight and grades.

Please

I just wanna be clean and organized.

Geez.... do I feel like a lonely loser or what?

Ugh, I just wanted a response

I'm being taken over by chemicals and need to cool down.

It's hard for me to remember that I started dating Andrew a mere three months later......

Sksjdhajsjd.

Hippies

reading this again made me so happy

and i don't know why.

W: let's give it a try!

10:33 PM installing...

  it's funny how watched pots never boil

  and watched progress bars never progress

 me: Unless you're really patient

10:34 PM I've seen pots boil!

  >_<

 W: hahaha

  that made my evening

  as have i

  you are quite right

Your responses indicate that you have a normal desire to share yourself with others. However, this need is not being adequately fulfilled at present.

As a result, you unconsciously attempt to treat this emptiness with momentary interests and temporary passions. If left unaddressed, this imbalance leads to impulsive behavior and unnecessary risks.

Past betrayals have left you generally suspicious of others’ behavior, particularly regarding romantic relationships. You fear you may be exploited if you open yourself too fully. Consequently, you often seek some proof of a new friend’s or lover’s sincerity before you decide to trust them.

Further complicating your relationships is the anxiety you have about your unfulfilled personal and professional goals. You fear that you’ve made decisions that weren’t in your own best interest, or failed to take advantage of opportunities when they presented themselves.

The desire to overcome these challenges sometimes lead you to seem pushy or even arrogant. Because this competitive urge is not always apparent to others, they are often surprised by it.

However, the passion that underlies your desire for success is unique. This makes you unlike others. You cannot simply accept what life has to offer; you aspire for more.

.........................................

Your responses indicate a desire to overcome a persistent feeling of emptiness or dissatisfaction. You believe life should have more to offer, and fear you have somehow not achieved everything you deserve.

Your desire for legitimate respect and success has led to increasing anxiety. Consequently, you no longer exhibit some of the friendliness and openness for which you were once known.

Your responses indicate a desire to overcome a persistent feeling of emptiness or dissatisfaction. You believe life should have more to offer, and fear you have somehow not achieved everything you deserve.

Your desire for legitimate respect and success has led to increasing anxiety. Consequently, you no longer exhibit some of the friendliness and openness for which you were once known.

Similarly, you fear being overly influenced by others. You are often fiercely independent, which sometimes leads to being resistant to the opinions of friends and relatives — even to the point of denying what you fear may actually be true.

This behavior stems from your wish to be regarded as an authority. It leads you to react strongly when you suspect you might be wrong. At times you feel that too much is being asked of you, and that you are not properly recognized for your efforts. This situation — be it fueled by others’ jealousy or negligence — adds to the stress in your life.

Luckily, your determination is unyielding. Unlike others facing similar adversity, you forge ahead despite the challenges. Through strength of will or simple endurance, you are unique in your ability to withstand the troubles of a complicated life.

Seeing people taking martial arts classes from and prasing my married ex makes me want to fucking throw up.

Jesus Christ

fuck this

blergh...... I'm spending a lot of money I don't have.

If you've had dreams you must be alive
in some world where you cannot thrive
portals to new kingdoms where you have a chance
people are wonderful, colors enhanced
no mistakes made you control it all
where you can be tiny or eight feet tall
remember you first kiss? try it again
not once or twice, maybe ten
who cares if it's mental, if it's all in your mind
only a crazy person would actually whine
why do i cry, because tears are fake
my emotions are anything that i want to make
you can hold some close and look in the dark
think of your future, light a quick spark

a'i3rja[2i3afwp3fa
2q
op23jq'p23ijf
2qr[3f

i'm not even learning from people who are making the same mistakes as me

God mother fucking dammit

what the hell

ugh

I hate my misfortunes so much

at this moment

I miss my laptop

I miss winning

I am so angry and frustrated that I'm crying

al;ejwekl;ftjaopitjfoajkwelf

I don't like

how I have people making me feel better

when it's usually the other way around

"I miss you a lot, actually

  but I'm not gonna get caught up in those details

I still need to sleep tonight, after all"

I'm not going to lie... that felt really good

Geez

I can't believe I'm so old

and  now I'm grumpy

"me: You are pretty intelligent, I like people on or above my level

                X: As do I

  
which in no way means I like, well, anybody

  but I like you

 if we were the same age, I'm not so sure I'd be more intelligent than you

 I've just done more than you have

  but truthfully speaking

  you probably have more raw brain power than I do

 which both pisses me off and turns me on"

Mm. I understand what X means. Ha. I'm competitive so I want to be the best yet I want someone at least on my level.

I'm feeling a lotttttttttttttttttttttttttt better now

my future travel companion will teach me a lot

and keep my emotions in check

Now every time I feel bad I can play Chubby Bird

listen to the music

and relax

Ha.

I miss beautiful people

but I guess that's what happens when i surround myself with gamers instead of hipsters

*sigh*

I like longer hair

not long hair

but longer, kinda like surfers, kinda like hippies

and stubble

and musicians

I like flattery and people love to compliment me.

:3

I want to cry out of frustration towards nothing.

Oh yeah, and another thing that sucked is that I didn't get the house I wanted and have to find another to try and buy. Blech

I'm pretty sure that the PMS is getting me thinking about breaking you up with Andrew so he won't have to deal with me

Geez. How depressing is today?

I've been sick at school throwing up every hour during class and can't keep any food in my stomach. When I got home I started to writhe in pain through a fever of aches and sweat for an hour while waiting for my medicine. Afterwards I gave in and went to get a shot to stop all the vomiting of the empty contents in my stomach. I never cried so long because of physical pain.

All this is happening while blood is gushing out of my vagina and my abdomen is swollen and cramped just because my body is readying itself for a baby. Why couldn't I handle a surge of hormones myself? My mother had to rub cooling oil on my body and warming oil on my stomach. Then she brought an iced wet towel for my forehead. My little sister drove out and waited at the pharmacy to buy my medicine before giving them to me in doses she measured out. My dad held a patient back to give me a shot and is closing the clinic early before completing any paper work to check up on me.

Besides those worries I now have Andrew waiting for who knows how long just to hang out with my sick self, though I feel better at this point, after driving down here for maybe half an hour. I still have a fever and my stomach still hurts, but I feel better now physically.

I just don't wanna worry anymore, especially about wasting Andrew's time, and I'm doing it at the expense of my family having to worry about my health.

I'm the worst child ever.

This is the most fucking painful day at school ever.

Lolani held onto the arm of one the grey ogres standing next to her in order to pull herself up onto the ledge of the village fountain. Now everyone could see her and she could see everyone, just how she liked it. She patted down the front roll of her dress to make sure she was still decent even if she had some skin showing. The plated crimson dress was modeled after the infamous Liliana's and the well-known Chandra's usual attire. Lolani liked to believe she was the better version of those two combined.

"Good good. Now that I've got your attention I'm going to tell you a story" she said to the people of Truvensdale. "Hey! Will the secret you reveal work on you?" a young man heckled. She cast a quick spell and shot water from the fountain towards him. The murmuring of the townspeople stopped. The only people who knew how to utilize the abundant mana in their little village were Fred and James. "That's what you get for interrupting, but to answer your question yes the secret works on me. However, you are going to have to master love better than I in order to be successful."
~~~~~~

The woman speaking was the most gorgeous creature Fred had ever seen. She looked human but he felt like there was more to her. No one in town had hair or eyes nearly as dark or mysterious as hers. He was immediately entranced and couldn't take his eyes off of her, especially since the two hideous ogres guarding her enhanced her beauty so intensely and were not pleasing to look at. It was a trap and he knew it, but he didn't mind. Fred was the kind of guy who enjoyed things while they lasted.

"Ya see that? She made the water come outta the fountain and hit Nate!" James exclaimed. He looked over to his best friend just to realize that Fred was completely smitten and let out an overly exaggerated groan. "Not again... She's just going to be another Sherry, Fred. Aren't ya curious about how she's usin' the mana 'round here? Maybe we could learn from her!" James wanted to practice using the plentiful resources he could feel circling around him, but he never found another spellcaster besides Fred until now...

Fred and James were running in the woods and around the trees in a game of chase without any actual chasing. The boys' laughter echoed throughout the forest causing villagers to randomly stop what they're doing to look up and smile. Their bright spirits were known by all of the townsfolk and everyone could feel that they were destined for greatness. Fred and James were unrelated, but their fathers had been best friends and were neighbors so naturally they spent time and grew up together. Although they were only eight years old they already had some small responsibilities such as meeting up with the old folks and helping bring kindling to homes in the morning. The virtual brothers never separated from one another whether they had to go to school, church or play. They knew that when they would need to face their prophesied challenge leading them to greatness they would only have each other to depend on.

````````````````````````````````````````

"Aha! I've rolled a three and will summon a mighty centaur to fend off your puny merfolk." Fred exclaimed as he gathered just enough mana to conjure a small green centaur illusion on the stump of a once mighty oak tree. The stump had so many rings that as kids Fred and James could never count high enough and when they became older they decided to not try and count again. The boys were playing a game of wizards' war by the creek to pass some time before they needed to return to their studies. "Oy, no fair. You always make centaurs! Why don't you try making something different for once? Even trying to make a bear would do ya good" James said as he leaned his head against his arm on the stump. He sighed and rolled his die which landed on a four. After thinking a bit he collected four wizard units of blue mana and decided to surround his merfolk with water by creating a pond for it. "What's that going to do?" Fred asked. "I'm not sure yet, but I figured that since he's a merfolk that water oughta protect 'im." "That seems right, if my centaur attacked him he wouldn't get too hurt underwater."

The chapel bells rang and reverberated between the trees. Fred quickly rolled his die and saw that it landed on a one before moving his hand through the centaur illusion to dissipate his creation. "Time to go back!" "Ey, I saw that one!" Fred began running and James started chasing him just like the old days. Soon they were running alongside each other  and about to race when they noticed the area around the town fountain was gathering a group of people. They slowed their pace to go around and get a better view when they heard a sultry voice start to speak. "Humans of Truvensdale! I have arrived here today to save you all from having to suffer and work through a common challenge in life. Come up everyone and I shall reveal to you the secret to solving the problem of.... finding love."

````````````````````````

I don't really like white women

Ever know someone who you wanted to hold onto you so badly that you were willing to lie down with them in the simmer heat?

Ever purposely lift up your shirt just for the slightest contact of skin in hopes to get things started?

Sleeping dreamers... good times.

I wish I could sleep with Andrew and wake up next to him comfortably.

When I move out I plan to have a cleaning schedule with rotating duties.

I already know that I want my sheets to be white and comforter to be red.

I'm going to have a closet, two nightstands and an armoir in the room. Idk How to spell armoir.

In the  second room will be two desks with computers. Andrew's and my section will be split. I will have a keyboard and guitar. Magic cards will be organized in hotels.

The living room will have a tv, couch, coffee table and gaming systems.

The kitchen will have a counter for bar stools.

There will be no dining room table.

There will be a screen porch for the cats and a cat door from screened porch to outside and a cat door from house to screen porch. The door to going into the house will only be opened when Andrew is home awake.

The house will probably be vacuumed twice a week.

I want a spotless living area.

The house won't have too many little decorations.

It will feel a little empty, but very clean.

When I get home from school or work I expect to be able to take off my clothes in order to jump in bed without experiencing any discomfort

I also would like to jump on the couch and nap with the tv on after class comfortably.

I hate allergies and not being organized.

It's probably because I don't have much control in my life.

I may get a pet pig. He'll probably grow up thinking he's a cat.

People are investments.

I think I could live my life without loving

and just having crushes

until I have a kid of something

then I'd put real effort and energy and everything i've got into that kid

maybe

right?

that sounds like me.

in my head at least.

according to nick though, i'm very romantic

and i'm going to find someone to actually marry

ha

he knows me pretty well though

the weird thing is,

i kinda felt like he was hoping

I forget about Brett Giller

it's probably because I didn't kiss him.

He's very....

Ugh.

Too far back. I need to focus on the present

Stupid memories.

Man, I sure do miss being 17...

What a good life!!!

Damn, I can't believe it's been two year. o_o

Lol, wow.

I understand that conversations are private... but this is just an example of how someone else is basically another version of me or vice versa. Ha! 
Sorry, X...

me: religion will slowly die off

  at least I think so

  newer ones will replace it

 X: It'll be replaced, actually

  yeah that's it

 me: I used to be SUPER Catholic

  I prayed like 50 Hail Marys a day

 X: just newer cults, that worship the same concept under different names

 me: but after going to UCF it seemed a little ridiculous

  there are a lottttt of atheists now

 science is really becoming a thing

 X: we're seeing the cult of science emerge right now

 me: we're saying the same things differently

 X: and the cult of atheism, for that matter

 me: at the same time

 X: yeah exactly

It's fucking ridiculous

 that shit pisses me off

  damn

  and just when I thought I was in a good mood

  lol

 me: well, I have to go to sleep now

 X: who am I kidding?

  Ah.

  Well

  goodnight, sweetheart

 me: be in a better mood!

 think of unicorns and butterflies or something in front of a lake

  Good day. I'll cya later. :)

 X: Yeah imma go find some duck hearts to munch on

  that should do it

  sweet dreams

geez...

I missed hearing someone tell me the perfect words for any situation <3

it's like

he knows me so well

and he has so much experience

it's just so good.

and i can just reread them over and over again.

Time to vent to Kyle.

I love special treatment!

Feels good to be Nhi sometimes, even after I lose every draft this month.

I guess I'm still used to my ex actually pushing me and me pushing him

That sucks

I wish Andrew drafted with me in real life on Tuesday : (

I would definitely pre-order Vraska for Andrew if I didn't know that her price will plummet. Maybe for Christmas?

I could get him a playset of Terminus and Underworld Connections.

I probably love my boyfriend too much.

I really want to get Huntmasterssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

...

...

hm

Idk!

I am getting my boyfriend so much stuff.

~~~~~~~

I remember when I first started going out with my ex

He made a gold bracelet for me for out six month anniversary

Sweet thing, I didn't get him a gift. Ha

After that day I could never stop spoiling the guys I love

I have ~$50

after buying the plane ticket

~40 by friday

-60 by saturday

+80 by Tuesday

-70 Friday

-45 Friday

-20 Saturday....

I guess I can afford a prerelease if I don't spend any money on more cards......

But I also have to buy Andrew an anniversary present!!!!!!!

What the heck do I get him?

Ah.. my third kiss.

First is the worst
Second is the best
And third is the treasure chest.

Andrew's my treasure chest. <3

Or hairy chest. Lol.

I worked an extra five hours so thats like 35 bucks? Poops.

I mean I would never let someone know if I read their diary.

It makes things awkward to discuss personal things.

I don't care if you know. Don't let me know that you know.

I'm not a friend to whom you speak your concerns
I'm not interested in getting you to learn
Do what I like or leave me alone
Never talk to me in that kind of tone
If you tell me what to do I'm going to run
At least by myself I get things done
I might not be that rhino in the sky
However I'm real and you can die
No more imagination, we're all quite dull
I listen to your words as a way of lull
Thank you for reading and be a good sport
Never mention this to me as a cohort

Heybabyyouvegottolistenyouvegottohearmeoutimjusttoobadforyouyoushouldaleftwhileyoucouldandnowyouseeiwasmisunderstoodiknowicanttellyouwhattodobutbabyiknowtoobadforyou

Mynightsconsistofnolingeringthoughts
Inevercaredforanyfightsoncefought
Imselfishasmuchasagirlcanbe
Sothatmeansthatnooneelseisallowedharmony

Iforgetwhoyouarewhenimeetanewguyiamalwaysalonewhenistarttocryijustwannaroamtheearthlikeagypsyandfindnewlovewhenecerigettipsy

Today I saw that it's Tommy's birthday on Facebook. Then I remembered Kyle's birthday is soon.

I remember that I met Kyle on October 2nd 2010 during a full moon. I was on my way walking to Adam's car when his harmonica playing caught my attention. I suddenly stopped mid-step and decided to sit down. Adam was confused but sat down with me to listen too until Shane and Ali impatiently called us to the car.

Ahhhh harmonica guy.

"Brianna, he was so gay." "The harmonica guy?!?!" "Yes"

Lol

Sometimes Andrew just does not know the right things to say.

After the prerelease I will probably stop for a while until Joe and Taylor make me practice. After San Jose though I'd rather save my money to go to England. I don't really need to build decks. 

I will probably earn 1500 more dollars this year. 500 for LA with Andrew and 1000 for England. That is my plan. 

Also, I want to really start my diet. Ugh. I hate not being confident.

I think that I'm going to quit Magic soon.

I've been ignoring Kyle for a longgggg time. I think I only talk to him when I'm feeling extra down or when I'm extremely bored.

I've made  a huge mistake.....

The good news is that I've learned my lesson and it's only to look one month ahead.

I've been moody lately. I must be getting my period soon.

Traded bonfire for snapcaster,sword of war and peace, bloodline keeper and Sigarda

I wonder if Andrew remembers that I gave him Bruna

Holy shit, T o b y T o b k i n! (I spaced out his last name because what if he googles it? Lol. Hawkward!)

Anyway, he just saved my life. Thank you.

I remember when Andrew took me to Alex's comedy show

I was so worried that Alex, Clay and Nick would hate me for bringing a guy who heckled.

It was only once though and I prayed that he wouldn't do It again. He didn't.

Lol. Good times...

I had insane confidence then. Every boy I met was chasing me but inefficiently. Ha. Whatever.

I hate being 19. I think like two months ahead.

I don't know what to get my boyfriend. If I buy him a trench coat he would never wear it... Do you know how freakin hot it is in Florida?!?

Money buys the gift but I have to figure out the right one. :(

I was thinking about an automatic cat litter thing but that would be a terrible anniversary present.

He doesn't wear jewelry so no rings.

I'm not sure about and specific cards. Maybe he could use another Jace but he doesn't need it. For his birthday I gave him zombies and then some.

Uh...

I always give him Magic cards in hopes he'll think of me when he plays them like Snapcasters, Zombies or Bonfire for Tamiyo. I didn't think he would trade the Bonfire.

I always think of him when I play werewolves.

Maybe I can take him out somewhere really, really nice to eat

Well... idk

When I saw the eye patch guy on top decking I thought he was pretty hot

Then he introduced himself to Becca as Kyle and suddenly he wasn't so hot and my smile quickly faded

Stupid eye patches

And white people names

I'll probably never know what it's like to go out with someone my age.

Tommy, Kyle and Andrew are so old..

If I was dating someone my age they'd probably go to UCF with me. We could go to each others classes and have lunch together. It'd be so nice to see each other every day. Hm... it'd be so convenient

Sounds from Sunday morning by Vi3tHoneyX

It started out as bad freestyling crap in my bed. I was lonely and reminiscing

Sounds from Sunday morning by Vi3tHoneyX

Then I decided to write a poem.

--------
Sometimes I close my eyes in the dark
Waiting for you to cause a spark
Sometimes I wait alone in my room
Hoping you'd come to save me soon
Oh baby you're my dream, my only hope
You are what it seems my way to cope
I'm trying to see that no one's there
Listening to people say "life's not fair"
I know the secret to ruling the earth
Anyway I still love you for what It's worth

You may have gone across the globe
Leaving a negative charge because you're polar
You might have tricked me to pay
So let our lives become a clever fable
I used to just toss my heart
But after years I've gotten smarter.

@@#@#

I'm done writing bad lines tonight.

I probably will only go to Charleston if I can somehow create a new connection

One day we'll take over the world

Inside.... the life I'm living is all a lie and my true self is waiting

Mostly because I am swayed so easily with dreams

Ugh. My one year anniversary is in three weeks. Need to get something fabulous

Boys who play CFG on the guitar and a bad A minor freestyle on the  piano bother me

Not sure if I'm jealous and if I am why...

I don't want any useless talents

I'm comparable to heroin

I'm basically becoming a girl version of Kyle, but better... a much nicer, better version.

Why are there so many people in love with me?

Weird dream.

The only part I remember is Kyle returning to see me and he was gorgeous.