Wtf.

I can't believe this

I just found out that the engagement ring my grandma was selling to my ex

was my aunt's ring that her ex bought her

...

Isn't that like passing on bad luck?

Like

Boo.

I don't want that ring anymore.

Next year I'll have a slutty costume and will go out dancin'

Once upon a time I loved you

Sooooo much

Now I just care about you

I don't know what love is at the moment

My brain forgets

My heart feels old

I feel cold

And alone

But once in a while everything is all right

You read me

All right

Just put your arms here

And your lips there

And maybe we could be together forever

I'm gonna be a little sad if I don't get that double triangle ring.  >_>

I can't wait to wear it

I can't even expect a dozen red roses and a teddy bear from my boyfriend tomorrow

and that makes me really sad...




like

all i wanted was a cute little ring to wear

and things keep happening

so I know to never fucking expect that either.

i am so frustrated right now

that i've decided to take a break from andrew

because i can only think of two reasons why i want to stay with him

and right now i can't remember one of them

because i'm so mad

and then i wondered

why the fuck am i with someone who can't physically and mentally take care of me

the suddenly the first reason disappears

but now I thought of a third reason

and I was THIS close to breaking up with him




Andrew, you suck.

Sitting here so still
Staring at the windowsill
Would you please go feel

Ever wish that someone would pull you back to hold you tightly?

Why am I always let go

Awkward little girl
Tryin' to understand the world
If you could feel me
Then you would completely
Die inside too

All you do is quiet
Why can't you just find it
Never causing riot
You're alone

First kisses with someone you're seeing are the best.

I miss Andrew.

It was also so awkward xD

"This is my place" Luke announced shyly. He had guided Nina back to his temporary abode and pointed to a futon in the living room corner...
.27(<™_®{¥{`<¢

I'm too tired to write. Cya guys later. Good night. Maybe I'll reach 20,000 hits by tomorrow on my blog.

:)

Lisa looked into her boyfriend's eyes, the love and lust was no longer there. Familiarity, yes, but love, no... For a while now she realized that the romance was gone. Sure, she still enjoyed the material things and trips to town but the excitement was gone. All day yesterday while her boyfriend was home she watched TED talks about love and read articles about its science. She thought back to Jackson who mentored her in emotion and logic. *sigh* Jackson, that brilliant man with the bluest eyes and brightest smile.

Lisa grabbed the guitar and began strumming familiar sad chords before switching it up to a swingier sound. Jason asked "What are you doing? Come back and cuddle with me." Lisa put her guitar down and went back to her boyfriend feeling guilty. Why didn't the arms and body holding her tightly feel as good anymore? Tonight she had been a 10 but felt a 0 herself. It's funny how much emotions and attachment can affect the physical realm.

............

The heat came through the blinds and onto Jade's naked body, she woke up and realized that she fell for cheesy lines once again. Searching for her blouse she pushed her arms and legs through the sheets as if she was making a snow angel. "I push other girls away but I keep asking you to come back." The words of Kay echoed and the image of him holding her face and kissing her forehead before leaving flashed in her mind. As she buttoned up her shirt she shook her head and sigh. "Good morning, sunshine!" Nathalie greeted. She too was wearing only a blouse, but it was a normal thing for her. Nathalie was the all-loving hippie type who embraced the human body, especially when extra "curvy" and "voluptuous" as hers.

"Why didn't you stop me?" Jade asked. "I know you love him. Enjoy it before it's over." Nathalie replied

Jade searched for the rest of her clothes and put on jeans when she found them. "I'll see you later, Nathalie." Jade said. "Tata for now, little one." Nathalie replied with a smile.

Jade opened the trunk of her All-American luxury sports car and tossed in her backpack which carried her expensive laptop, bra, panties, and personal notebook.

She decided to grab her notebook and quickly scribbled. "Enjoyed the love and lies to the eyes, I guess this girl chose not to be wise. 5/10/2013". After taking an English literature course for the Victorian era Jade developed a habit of writing couplets about her life throughout the day.

......
.......
.........

A little emptiness was felt in Jade's heart. It was 7:30AM and she knew the train had pass. As a weak attempt to maintain contact with Kay she sent him an invite to a Facebook word challenge game two days before. After two words she already began to crush him. She thought to herself "Maybe if I went easier on him he would have completed his turn by now."

She did so many little things on purpose, she wondered if he'd notice. For instance, two bars of peanut caramel candies were purchased and left behind on his counter before she left. And the days before there would be traces of white azaleas in front of doors to local places they both attended.

Azaleas. Jade wished she was as bright and pretty as them, so she tried to associate herself with them through hints in couplets and hair accessories.

Three moments I recall....

One before leaving.

One on the first night.

And once again before leaving....

I felt so special

:(

I haven't decided whether or not this is a good or bad habit yet...

but no more emotional attachment

Even if I'm a major romantic

Ever thought you were in love with someone?

I hate youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu


all of youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

who have made me sad.

If you just make me happy that's fine. :)

If you have had no effect on me that's okie too.



but right now

I'm enraged

RAWRRRRRRRRR




and now I'm sad

:(

I'm playing with my TARDIS locket right now and can't wait until I get some kind of ring so I can play with it too when I'm nervous. :)

"He's going to regret leaving you when he's 40"

I love Andrew very much....

It'd be cool if he thought about me as much as I think about him

That way he might call me some times

And I wouldn't have to call him all the time.

He's a nice boyfriend

I like it best when I get to sleep with him

Then I don't have to worry about getting to say "good night"

Poops.

It's going to be a longggggg time before I get a promise ring.

I bet Andrew would make a good husband

:)

I want Andrew all to myself!!!!

I wish I could have all of his memories

I'd give up my past to be in his.

I think.

Okay, that'd be weird.

:(

I actually met him as soon as I could.

I love my baby boy. <3

But I wish we went to high school together

To kiss in between classes

Leave love notes in lockers

Go to prom

<3

Or even college

We could take the same class.

Oh well

I have him now

And I want him to be all mine!

unless I get a puppy.

...

I might name my puppy charlie

Love is so addictive

I just want Andrew to hold me.

I just want to sleep with him

Have him stroke my hair

Kiss my head

And tell me that everything will be all right.

~~~~~

I can't imagine myself with another man

Not the way like I am when I'm with Andrew

So happy and comfortable

I get to hug him, squish his cheeks, and laugh

We get to do it

We get to be intimate and trusting

It's just so good to feel safe

I never feel safe

I'm always so worried about school, life, and emotions

But with Andrew I'm safe.

I'm not going to lie.

At this moment

Of fucking insomnia

I floated off into a daydream

And missed waking up by a happy and energetic guy who played and worked with all of my baby cousins to annoy me...

Can't believe they were all under 10 when he was around

They basically grew up with him

...

Deleted a picture of Andrew off a wall on my phone.

Poopface

>_>

Waking up.

"I dream of sounds.
I dream of situations and scenarios like you dream but I don't see it,
I hear it.
I know I've awakened because...
it's quiet."

Night time sucks.

I'm all alone, depressed and shit

I really don't like how Andrew and I are opposites..

I like living in a world Where I can fall asleep to AJ 'S stream

Good voice

Masturbate and eat chips, is that all you do?

*Pokes at glass*

Dink Dink Dink!

Hello? Hello!  Is anyone in there? Are you awake?...

*walks around cube*

Well, this is peculiar.

*Places right ear and side of face onto the cool glass. Old classical music is playing, sounds like it's from a scratched record player*

This is kind of creepy

Sometimes I wonder

what the world's gonna do to me

I have a feeling

that you know I'm going crazy

I need some healing

before things start getting hazy

why does nobody reach out when someone calls for help

It's not hard sympathizing with the pain felt

One person might not mean much

I should really be more in touch

But give me a hand and think

Why is human kind not in sync?

I am having what is known as a "Kyle baby" breakdown.

WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeE!!!!!!

SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE <3

YAY

Also, I'm just insanely in love with my boyfriend. :D

He treats me right
aaw;eltrkjawle
twaet
eta;wletjwa

Yay

I saw my ex's baby for the first time....

I just wanted to laugh because the guy who asked for my number and I think is cute is also from the Czech Republic like the bomber... xD

I was like idk... 

Lol

Recently I've been texting this guy back about stupid Magic stuff like commander and standard decks

I usually hate stupid people

Can't stand them

I don't like weird people either

Usually when they bother me I just smile and act nice while I say how much I hate them in my head

I'm not sure what caused me to act so mean inside towards them

Anyway,

This guy is lucky that he's not weird
And that he's kinda cute
And that his first impression was adorably awkward

Otherwise I would hate him

I wish Andrew would just reply to my texts. Even if it's with a simple "No"

blahhhhhh

Okay, secret confession

I think the younger brother from the Boston Marathon bombing is cute

Sad to see someone good-looking be caught up in extreme religion

I'm also a little sad that tomorrow's plans isn't going to be as I hoped it would be.

I wanted to get a hair cut

Have a good time at chuck e cheese

Take photo booth pictures

Eat frozen yogurt

Bah.

Ever see people on Facebook and think "wow, their life is so good. They're so pretty... blah blah blah"

well screw them

I'm enjoying my tid bits of awesomeness now and they can all be jealous of me.

<3

I've got a good life

C-Andrew, I love you

G-Will you be mine tonight

F-Will you be mine tonight

C- Be mine tonight

C-You hold me tight

F-Make life all right

E-Never fight

Am-Are my light

C- I love 

G-you

F-I love

C-you

C...............................G

When we shared our first kiss

F..................C

Everything was bliss

E

I was so nervous

D................................G

But you were worth the risk

C..............................G

Now we're together today

F....................C

and I wanted to say

C

I love you

G

I love you

F

I love you

C
I love you

Am.....................................G
I could have given you everything

F...................................Am
Why don't you want to stay

Dm..........................Am
Already chose my diamond ring

Em........................Am
Should have been my babe.


Am............G..................C
Years went by when you held me close

Dm............................Am
Now your memory is just a ghost

Am..................................................Em
I'm holding hands with another man happy as can be

Dm..............................Am
But still I wonder how you could have left me

I want a promise ring...

Or just a regular ring.

my finger still feels funny

Should I ask Andrew for one?

Like a mini gold ring with some random stone for 40ish dollars?

It's as if I'm in debt.

I keep giving out all this love

First to my ex

Then Kyle

And now Andrew.

It's like just accept it.

No one else loves me

I tell people that I love them and they just look at me

Sometimes they even laugh

It's an awkward feeling

People don't understand it

They hold it so high

But all it is is chemicals

And memories

And magic

Why should I hold back my emotions?

Why doesn't anyone want to embrace that feeling with me

The feeling that you have when thinking or seeing someone who has made you happy

I don't understand

I love you, mom.

I love you, Tommy.

I love you, Han.

I love you, Adeline.

I love you, Nick.

I love you, Geoff.

I love you, Sangni.

I love you, Rebecca.

I love you, Steve.

I love you, Andrew.

....

Only 2 people would tell me that they love me back from that list

One because he's a Christian maniac trying to save me

And  the other only 10% of the time for some illogical reason that builds some wall which holds onto novelty and specialness that should always exist through recent memories/because he feels forced too

Sure giving is usually less than receiving

But it's not fair

I don't like how I say that I love someone and they only smile or don't respond.

Then it just stops

No more exchanging of love

Neither from me or you

It reaches a point where I love you is a lie

Trying to start over

It's awkward hearing I love you

An the return I love you is actually forced now

You want to say it more

You want to get used to I love you again
I wish I could tell everyone that I love them every day.

But sometimes I just keep it to myself

I just stay quiet a few days

I get sad

And one day I'll probably just stay sad forever

Sometimes I just wish Andrew would reciprocate the amount of "I love you"s I give.

I miss being able to sleep with someone at night.

I can't wait to live with Andrew. I'll be able to sleep in bed with him : )

I hate my life
no one understands what I'm going through
I used to be so perfect
so lovely, young, and new
Now I'm falling into depression
Wishing to bid life adieu

https://soundcloud.com/vi3thoneyx/depressed/s-oPqNn

Why do I feel so unmotivated
I'm stuck in life, don't know what to do
Hating the trivial things I go through
I just need help, or time, or sleep
I'm going insane and am starting to weep
There's no one to save me, only myself
Why can't I find happiness?

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

     August sat on the front stoop of his house. His face rested in his hands and his elbows were on his knees when he heard the piercing sound of glass shatter. After taking in a deep breath and letting out a heavy sigh he thought "What happened to her? She used to be so smart, kind, and full of life... why did things have to feel as if they've abruptly changed?"

     He pushed himself up off the cool concrete steps and slowly walked up to his room to figure out what that noise was. When he reached the door he left his hand on the handle but could not turn it. Instead he decided to go into the guest room down the hallway. "I'll clean things up tomorrow. She'll get better by then."

     Jessica cried into the pillow that smelled so great. Hormones coursing through her body made her feel uncomfortable because it was a mixture of euphoria with depression. Or maybe it was the adrenaline from breaking the window that made her feel sick. She reached down for the bottle of cherry vodka before remember that it was the cause of the broken window. Funny how she could quickly forget the little things.

     Jessica and August had been happily  dating for over a year before her life began spiraling down. As a graduate student in philosophy she began analyzing why her life suddenly appeared so grim and concluded that it must be because of something biological. Once more she whispered to herself "I'm dying... "

     "Why do I keep saying that?" she said to herself before letting out a groan. She clearly noticed how she slurred her words and decided to get ready for bed. After looking at the door she came to the conclusion that she again grew upset because he had not returned to comfort her. Soon she fell face down into his wonderful pillow, turned to the cool and dry side, and passed out into a deep intoxicated sleep where she could finally but temporarily forget her pain.

Tonight I missed Tommy because of how he was able to buy me everything I wanted.

Trip to Boston?

Covered.

$1200 shoes?

No problem.

You're mad a me?

You get a new purse, a dozen roses and your favorite cheesecake.

..

I also liked how we played Pokemon together. :(

And played Call of Duty together...

and how he had two really nice sports cars...

and how we would drive at night with the top down...

and how if he ever met Kyle he would be able to effortlessly beat him up.



Ugh.

Why did he let me sleep on the phone with him for four entire fucking years...................

Also, it sucks how he was allowed to stay over half the week.

I was never bored.

Like actually every time we went out we did something different

even with Kyle but the poor version.

With Tommy we played laser tag, climbed rocks, watched so many movies, went to shows, shopped EVERYWHERE, ate EVERYWHERE....

with Kyle I just got to do a bunch of new and "crazy' things.

..

I also miss how beautiful those two were.

xD

I miss going out to shooting ranges with Tommy

I liked listening to Kyle's music and reading his writing

I think I grew up though

I miss how much combing through my hair and whispering in my ear turned me on....

My damned smelly ear.

I wish I could have surgery on it or something.

It used to be so great, a mutual love for combing through hair and pouring out our souls.....

Maybe it's just different experiences for different people.

I am probably crazy.

God fucking dammit.

I am so depressed...

I hate my life.

I feel like I have nothing to live for.

Maybe seeing Andrew tomorrow will cheer me up.

I almost can cry in bed but I won't.

:"(

I just want to sleep with my boyfriend

Cats ruin everything for me

Fml

It's 3am and I wanna sleep

At this moment

I never want to move in with Andrew

Man, I'm really sad that I didn't get a teddy bear from Andrew... :(

Or chocolates. T_T

I told him I wanted everything of Valentine's Day...

I do like his roses and balloon. They're still in my room.

I want my boyfriend to top or at least match Valentine's Day last year... Maybe with a dozen roses.

I want so many people to spoil me.

I want magic cards, good food, clothes, entertainment, attention.........

everything!

If only I had more time

My hubby was so handsome with a beard on the cruise.

I really enjoyed everything we did together.

I probably won't say hubby again. I think that felt weird thinking about it

I am so happy about my 19 cent raise. >_<

It's my first raise!

I've never kept a job for so long...

:)

I just waved at and walked by someone I held hands with and roller skated with on their eighteenth birthday.

Weird how people just become not special to one another

It's pretty fucking difficult to sleep on this couch

I wish there was a soothing phone number I could call and fall asleep to on important nights.

I guess I'll wait a year to live with Andrew....

I love him so much.

I just want him to be mine and with me forever

And I wanna sleep with him
So I can wake up not feeling tired

Sometimes I hate Andrew a lot

I hope Andrew calls me to tell me that he loves me one day

Andrew is pretty close to perfect for me.

I love him very much.

I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

I'm not obsessed with him as much as I was with my exes.

I just actually love Andrew!

Dear god
Why do I have to be in so much fucking pain right now
Omg
My legs hurt

This is the worst!!!
D':

fucking FINE

I'LL GIVE IN AND SLEEP ON MY GODDAMN PHONE AGAIN LIKE THE HABITUALLY CLINGY SLAVE OF THE PAST THAT I AM

this is so retarded

I hate myself

dear god

someone please fucking help me go to sleep

I JUST WANT TO SLEEP

PLEASE

T_T

Nhi's laying in bed now, trying so hard to sleep.

Her headache is getting worse and she hasn't taken medicine for it.

"Maybe it's because I don't have the phone next to me" she thought

Suddenly unwanted memories of her ex flood into her head

like that one night she called her ex while he was at work and heard him describe how he constantly left the call on during work.

Calls usually dropped after four hours.

It became such a bad habit that she couldn't sleep at night for weeks after her ex and her broke up

Instead she'd leave early in the morning and drive down to Winter Park in order to have a body to nap with

"I don't want to think about this" she moans to herself.

"Everything is better now"

Inside her head an image of her becomes vivid with her arms crossed over her chest in order to keep her heart from falling out

just before she falls down to her knees Andrew comes up behind to hold onto her tightly

and somehow he manages to save her during this almost heartbreaking moment without knowing it.

Finally Nhi starts to relax and begins taking slow breaths

It's so good to be in love

and tomorrow will be good.

I probably enjoyed my time worth Tommy and Kyle so much because we did so many awesome things and I had so many New experiences

Random fact

The first year I started dating my ex I would only get him off my moaning and making sex noises

It was so easy to turn him on

He was 18/19 at the time.

That is so fucking creepy to think about.

Gross.

Why did I go through puberty so early??

I wish I never dated Tommy sometimes
But that would have sucked

Because I really love Andrew right now and I don't think I would love him the same if I had never been with Tommy and definitely if I had never briefly experienced my John Lennon.