It's as if I'm in debt.

I keep giving out all this love

First to my ex

Then Kyle

And now Andrew.

It's like just accept it.

No one else loves me

I tell people that I love them and they just look at me

Sometimes they even laugh

It's an awkward feeling

People don't understand it

They hold it so high

But all it is is chemicals

And memories

And magic

Why should I hold back my emotions?

Why doesn't anyone want to embrace that feeling with me

The feeling that you have when thinking or seeing someone who has made you happy

I don't understand

I love you, mom.

I love you, Tommy.

I love you, Han.

I love you, Adeline.

I love you, Nick.

I love you, Geoff.

I love you, Sangni.

I love you, Rebecca.

I love you, Steve.

I love you, Andrew.

....

Only 2 people would tell me that they love me back from that list

One because he's a Christian maniac trying to save me

And  the other only 10% of the time for some illogical reason that builds some wall which holds onto novelty and specialness that should always exist through recent memories/because he feels forced too

Sure giving is usually less than receiving

But it's not fair

I don't like how I say that I love someone and they only smile or don't respond.

Then it just stops

No more exchanging of love

Neither from me or you

It reaches a point where I love you is a lie

Trying to start over

It's awkward hearing I love you

An the return I love you is actually forced now

You want to say it more

You want to get used to I love you again
I wish I could tell everyone that I love them every day.

But sometimes I just keep it to myself

I just stay quiet a few days

I get sad

And one day I'll probably just stay sad forever