Hello there.

It's me again.

I was thinking about writing a poem

but I didn't even finish any of my other ones.

Oh well.

~~~~

I say words of you, to you.
I sing songs of you, to you.
I do things to you, for you.
I gave up to you, for you.

Inside I feel weak
Never having courage to speak
No idea, no opinion
Just a subservient minion

Happiness, a false goal
I will never feel whole
I think at night all alone
Things of the past I have known

I place my head down to breathe
Letting old feelings seethe
Fair is just, just is fair
Never was perfect pair

~~~~

I don't know what else to write. I don't have enough good or bad emotions.

Also, I like being spoiled. I love roses and chocolates and bears but I've learned to live without them. I don't know what to think of Valentine's.

I think the first time Tommy bought me roses was when I was mad at him.

I told him that if I were ever to get mad at him he should buy me roses and surprise me.

Which he did. He even brought me cheesecake.

...

One time he paid $80 for a dozen roses.

They were the reddest and most beautiful flowers I have ever seen.

So deep and fresh...

I think that's the only time he went to an actual florist in Winter Park.

I remember him buying bears for me and I'd call them ugly without saying "thank you"

and how he'd always win me at least five stuffed animals at fairs, theme parks, or even claw machines

ha.

I was such a brat in high school

so spoiled

I've changed so much from ages 13-15

Most likely because of last year and a half

when I learned to take nothing and be happy

it's possible

and all it took was some truth and knowledge

no experience

so money

just music and my mind was blown

I didn't care

I shouldn't have

but that's it.

It's all gone now

Nick says he likes me as a friend because I can appreciate everything

I'm glad he sees me as how I want to be seen

my plan is working

yeap.

I love you.