I'm going to Spain next month.

I don't have a passport, yet.

It's going to cost me at least $150

but I want to buy Magic cards

....

blahhhhh.

I don't even know where I'm going to stay!!!

Can I tell you a secret?

The only reason I'm traveling now is because I love a boy and wanna be just like him!

(But better, because I'm Nhi and not him. We're not exactly the same or anything, he just kind of influenced me.)

But I want to live up to his expectations

I want to grow up

I want to become a better person....

I'm just hoping for so much in this one trip to Europe for a month. Maybe I'll learn Spanish.

I mean, what the hell am I doing??

But, I am kinda happy that I chose Spain rather than China. hahahaha

Because I would not like the person I am if I chose China.

I'm not going to be that dependent or crazy or whatever!!!

Maybe it's just because I love myself more.... and plan to save the world my own way

Maybe I don't want to be just the helper being used, you know?

And then I suddenly realize as I'm writing this

"I'm only 18!!!" Why does this matter?

.............

I can still do a lot. I can still influence people. Maybe you'll want to be in my army instead?