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Nothing interesting has happened in my life.

I am no longer sneaking away from school to taste a bit of freedom

where I'm able to run in the sprinklers and hide behind the sanctity of the coffee house.

I no longer feel light nor at peace being the carefree and naive listener I once was

There is no sense in the world except for where I stand

I contributed

I was important

Those little details in life mattered

Whether it was the giddiness I felt from being able to borrow a pencil from the boy in black sitting across from me

Or because I had finally escaped to the wooden playground which focused on physics

Awkward instances transformed into lively memories which created joy to those who would read them

That doesn't happen anymore

Emotions

Little bits of hopelessness

Illogical ideas

Interests have dwindled because everyone notices what is happening to me

That mysterious little girl who once was compared to a meerkat is no longer focused

Why?

I wish I could write about each day like it was an adventure

How long has it been since I've followed a routine?

Most of me now wills to strive for a certain success

So simple...

And not very daring.

I now fear how painful hunger will be

how uncomfortable uncleanliness will feel

I can try to be bright

Once I fake something long enough I will become who I want to be

A theory I've believed for a while now

One of the best things in life I have is this memory

It's a silly one of course

Once upon a time I was with this boy

a challenge

an attempt to change him and be changed

alas, it was a blazing hot summer

and his friend was throwing a party

the slip n slide was purchased and we were alone

"Why not test it out now?" we thought

so we had a small contest of blowing the floaties, who could do it the fastest

Surprisingly, the chainsmoker won

But it was because I was clueless

I didn't know I had to pinch the damn opening to inflate those devices

We connected the long yellow tarp-like, but extremely, slippery material to the hose

and some friends came by

Suddenly we all stripped and had a blast.

I came home late that night

My curfew was before the sun sets

My undergarments were soaked and my hair was stringy

But I had so much fun and won't ever regret it.

Nothing bad happened

the only thing slightly sad was that attachments were being formed

I just let it happen for the good memories

I used to think that was the key to happiness

A good life included good memories

Now that I'm older

And a bit lonelier I suppose

I feel that a good life is living in the present

That seems hypocritical of me

But...

I need a break

I'd like to throw out the excuse that I'm tired.

That's why I'm trying to live life again!

Summer is coming soon.

How exciting.

I will be loved once more

and smiles will be caused by me.

How will I take over-

I mean save...

the world if I go on living unnoticed?