I'll admit it

planning ahead usually does make me feel better because it seems like I have something to fall back onto no matter what random, crazy things I want to do.

God

I really just want to move out

Or at least be alone or something

My mom has so many houses

I was going to move into one of them

but 

I don't know

I don't really want to be connected or dependent on my parents

I completely understand that they just want the best for me

but

I feel like I'm going to waste my years of youth

I don't know...

I don't know anything

Yeah, I want to be accepted into a medical school

but I want to have peace and quiet too

and I want to be able to spend time with my boyfriend.

Right now my environment is just awful

I've chosen to go out rather than studying

Every single day my grandmother blares her stupid Asian drama on the big screen TV

and my four little cousins run around the house screaming at 7AM and when they come back from school..

I just dream of being able to go to class from 10-3 and working from 4-8 during weekdays or something.

I want to wake up at a reasonable time and sleep by 1 or 2.

I'd like to be able to study and relax when I get home

so much.

I'd love that so much.

I really just want to live biking distance from UCF.

I've been looking into East Lake apartments

It's right on Dean and University

20-30 min on bike to UCF

It's $604 a month

but I'd really like to buy a house...

Let's see

If I work 20 hours a week 

for $8 an hour

that's only $160 a week

which is $640 a month.

Ugh.

Forget about it.