how

I'm so lonely. My heart hurts. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to be alive. I don't want to think.

I'm so lonely. I want to disappear.

I spend so much of my time thinking about myself, praying for anyone at all to think of me.

Think of me. Help me. Do something. 

History.... no, no, no, no. History, no. Please.

1,000x

1,000 lives

Why do I look at humanity so kindly?

While I do not care about the individual, I still defend the masses. 

The human experience encapsulates so much.

Those who are lucky will learn and feel the best parts more often.

And those who aren't will suffer from the annoyance built over misunderstanding. 

I've never had a relationship this good.

How lucky am I?

I am so madly in love with this human being.

Every night we are together I have the privilege of looking forward to when the whole world gently calms. When darkness loosely covers our room and nothing from the house can be heard, inner peace swiftly presents itself. Finally, you are with me. You see me, my smile, my eyes, my lips, my tits. You see all of me.

I cherish each sweet moment I can. I desperately want to savor every little detail that goes right and with you the mountain of memories made have propped you on a pedestal so tall that even a hushed whisper of your name towers over any doubt of your perfection. 

I love when I touch your face and you lean in for a kiss. I love how you can tell that I want to be kissed. I always want to be kissed. I love that I can kiss you now as you sleep next to me. 

I love that just looking up towards your sleeping face I felt the overwhelming motivation to write down my thoughts and express myself. 

I love who I am when I am with you. 

If only we learned before moving on

I'm hungry

I miss the way you'd fill my bowl

Infinite grains of wisdom

I miss the way you notched the knoll

You taught me how to live some

Do something, move up, go and make your mark

Since I am unhappy, I must not be that smart

Water runs though I am not cleaner

Sweat trickles through, my thoughts grow meaner

Darkness engulfs the room, I cannot see

Instead I feel, sense, and breathe

Increasing awareness, what surrounds me

Warm water

Cold air

Strange cars

A silence of an empty home

Who will remember this moment 

Rigid dimension

One place, one time, one way all aligns

A miniscule speck to move on from

I am stuck looking back, I am still here

Frozen

And so it goes, who will remember me

I am not alone, but I am lonely

I can breathe, but I am drowning

Enveloped by my thoughts, I cannot escape

I've been caught 

Someone read my broken mind and save me

I want to be saved 

I think I give up, but I shall try once more

It will happen again

The same situation and dynamic, I never learn

Doomed to repeat the cycle searching for what's not there

I should be alone

will is ready, emails set up, finances in order

it's never enough 

at this moment

i honestly dont wanna make it

What if I met you while alone

Would you want me then?

I'm giving myself up for a taste of happiness

I will give up my life 

I loved your eyes so much, you fuckin piece of shit. I hate you for wasting my life