I'm at that point in my life where I don't think I can be hurt emotionally by other people

I have distanced myself by so much

I'm not attached at all

but I can enjoy what I have when I have it

I just keep waiting...

I need someone or something to open my eyes again

my will for living has significantly dropped

All I do is live in this false world of Magic

How is that going to make a difference?

I need to save the world

influence people

keep my own thoughts and opinions

...

I don't have any right now

I'm pretty sure I've lost a few role models

but we'll see

I fucking hate being woken up before 12 on the weekends. Dear God, give a girl a break. Give me a day I'm allowed to sleep in. I'm tired and grumpy and hate kids right now.

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Sometimes I hear people all around me argue about the most pointless things

I'm surrounded by hateful emotions

and since nearby I get thrown some awful things

So I wish that everybody could just keep chill like me

I don't care about what you say to me

I understand that you try to make me feel bad in order to feel better about you and your miserable life

Instead, think about the awesome things in your life

Don't call me fat

Or a whore

Or ugly

and everything else I have heard repeatedly

I'm not being rude by keeping quiet

Seriously

I'm quiet 99% of the time

Do you really think it'd help the situation if I were to defend myself and argue back

Jeez

Why can't you learn to do the same?

Do you know how much more efficient things would be if we only spoke with words related to the point?

ha

idk

never mind

I've never been one to talk about pointless things or have small talk

I usually have a point when I say things

whether it's to inform someone
entertain someone
ask something
or whatever

I'm just tired of people feeling bad now

My life is so good....

If I win three FNMs in a row I will take that as a sign that I'm good at playing Magic.

I'm going to keep an eye on that sword.

Because I feel stupid.

Ha.

I am majorly pissed at myself

so freaking much.

AHAHAHAHAHHAHfhw;elkfjaw;lektjaw;ljtaw;l4kjt'34tj23'pujt2'4wefdcx


eijfa;woijt;ao34ijtme,d

Hello there.

It's me again.

I was thinking about writing a poem

but I didn't even finish any of my other ones.

Oh well.

~~~~

I say words of you, to you.
I sing songs of you, to you.
I do things to you, for you.
I gave up to you, for you.

Inside I feel weak
Never having courage to speak
No idea, no opinion
Just a subservient minion

Happiness, a false goal
I will never feel whole
I think at night all alone
Things of the past I have known

I place my head down to breathe
Letting old feelings seethe
Fair is just, just is fair
Never was perfect pair

~~~~

I don't know what else to write. I don't have enough good or bad emotions.

Also, I like being spoiled. I love roses and chocolates and bears but I've learned to live without them. I don't know what to think of Valentine's.

I think the first time Tommy bought me roses was when I was mad at him.

I told him that if I were ever to get mad at him he should buy me roses and surprise me.

Which he did. He even brought me cheesecake.

...

One time he paid $80 for a dozen roses.

They were the reddest and most beautiful flowers I have ever seen.

So deep and fresh...

I think that's the only time he went to an actual florist in Winter Park.

I remember him buying bears for me and I'd call them ugly without saying "thank you"

and how he'd always win me at least five stuffed animals at fairs, theme parks, or even claw machines

ha.

I was such a brat in high school

so spoiled

I've changed so much from ages 13-15

Most likely because of last year and a half

when I learned to take nothing and be happy

it's possible

and all it took was some truth and knowledge

no experience

so money

just music and my mind was blown

I didn't care

I shouldn't have

but that's it.

It's all gone now

Nick says he likes me as a friend because I can appreciate everything

I'm glad he sees me as how I want to be seen

my plan is working

yeap.

I love you.

I fucking hate dependent people.

God dammit, just don't tell me what to do either.