I'd like to take this time to rave about my boyfriend. I love him very much...

He's very understanding and caring

pretty bright

I like the way he thinks.

Mm... I love Andrew Wilson.

He makes me feel good.

:)

I just... kind of feel disgusted now

I really am hating many things.

Ugh

Men are nasty

and gross.

They really are.

Why do I let myself deal with them, huh?

.....

*sigh*

Anyway

I don't really know what to talk about right now

But I don't like the thought of me being only 18

and just so many older guys

with kids and stuff hit on me

I just feel gross.

Like

they could be my dad and

idk

I used to like older guys

but it's different

It's just different.

I used to be like

yeah, I'll date guys up to 49

as long as he's handsome, successful and stable or whatever

but now

guys who are around 30 really freak me out..

So yeah.

It's weird because

I don't know

I'm weird

I just feel gross though

I don't enjoy being leered at like a piece of meat by older men

that's when I know getting into my pants is their only goal

that's when I know that everything I hear is a lie

and it sickens me because I hear the same compliments all the time

It gets to me, you know?

Alright, I'm cute

yeah, I'm smart

I'm a challenge and mysterious because I'm quiet and shy

apparently I'm very understanding

argh

I can't think.

Every compliment I used to think was special I know I've heard a million times before

Do all guys use the same line?

Some guy today told me that he loves talking to me because I'm quiet and it's difficult getting me to talk
but when I do the things I say are really great because I'm so thoughtful and clever
He likes it because he feels like he's causing a butterfly to come out or whatever

I mean, I like being compared to a butterfly... I guess.

But I've heard so many analogies similar to this.

Am I really special?

Another guy today started some deep conversations with me about judging people
and I was just telling him my opinions

oh never mind

It's just New York guys

getting into my head.

I don't like any of them.

I miss my boyfriend.

Confession

*Also, I change my mind a lot and have mixed thoughts*

I know I'm cute

and realize that not many girls are into the hobbies I have

so I'll get a bit of attention

and will accept free things.

But I don't like that...

I'm kinda vain and using people.

But I don't mind that much...

because I'm getting free stuff.

Ha.

Whatever.

I'm an awful person!

T_T

Jesus Christ, I need to stop hanging out with old people

er,

I mean older people.

They're like 25 year old girls obsessed with getting married

ha

Holy shit, I am in a lot of physical pain right now.

OW, OW, OW, OW, OW....

T______T

It hurts.

I AM GOING TO MEET THE REASON I MADE AN OKCUPID ACCOUNT AND STARTED PLAYING MAGIC... OH MY GOD.

Ha.

And to think.

Just three months ago I wouldn't have cared whatsoever.

I would have thought "Who's Jon Finkel??"

xD

Of course you don't understand me

You don't want to!

Geez.

Why did I want to go to Spain?

Why did I leave for New York?

Because I had to escape

Because I had to gain that taste of freedom when I could

Sure, I didn't live a life like you

Mine was a bit different

I was just so sheltered.... so suffocated

so loved and cared for

so spoiled.

I didn't get to do what I wanted to though

I never had many friends

or went to any parties

or attended sleepovers

or have friendly neighbors...

And things just became even more difficult due to the fact that I attended 24 different schools

that's an average of me going to two new schools a year

an average of me being the new kid two times a year

And you wonder why I'm so socially inept?

*sigh*

I really just wanted to do my own thing

as soon as I could!

I'm coming back... I was raised just fine.

But please, leave me be

Yeah, yeah, yeah

First world problem, annoying teenage girl

I JUST turned 18, but hey

this is the time for me to make mistakes

not when I'm older

but whatever... I just had to vent.

Just love me and be happy, please.

I really need more happy people in my life.