I didn't know you weren't mine

Til you weren't 

Then you went to the sky

And it hurt

Drugs are the lubricant to the metaphorical shards of the mirror that makes up my mind. How smooth the glass feels oiled up, but my are they still sharp. But it's too much, I'm doing too much, so I'm not doing enough. If I do enough drugs maybe I can bury my mind with them. My sanity is slipping, but I'm not sure of the direction. I have to choose. I'm not living. 

I should constantly be writing so that I will remain actively thinking as I run out of time like Alexander Hamilton. I need to remember how I want to be better. 

Dear god save my soul

Taking my life again's the greatest sin I know

Somewhere I've been poisoned and I can't find the source 

When I get like this over time it gets worse and worse 

Psychotic emotions rolling through me 

How am I so blind 

What is it those kind eyes see

What am I trying to find 

I'm looking dear god I'm looking 

I'm searching my with hands out front 

These people I took in

God I'm such a cunt 

I'm a desperate slave to needing love

Why must this part of humanity exist in me

I will never be free 

When I'm in bed sick all I can think about is how much I want to die.

How I cycle my thoughts on how to cope and say no

When I cough and choke, how does my body need air even more