I am the villain. I am the villain. I am the villain. I have to remember that. I'm the hero too. I am the victim. But it is way too easy to forget that I am also the villain.
It's kinda shitty reminding myself so often, but it's kind of developed into the habit that "most successfully" helps me realize what I need to improve about myself: traits, line of thinking, people in my life...
And I deeply embrace happiness while it's there. I soak it all in and savor it. I prolong its stay with preposterous and alluring ignorance, blissfully and willfully as they say.
Because even though I never know when it'll return, I know it will. That's why I'm getting better. I just forget about the part where it may not return for me.
I *feel* so lucid. My mental faculties are not in decline, my thoughts are coherent. But on the outside looking in and down on me it seems as if my actions are more out there. I think I am done for now. It's just that... idk... I'm at breakfast now... at my hotel in Barcelona, Spain... not for Magic but I suppose that's just another fucking lie.
I like to pretend that the best people whether they exist or not are the happiest.
