Thursday, January 6, 2022

 I don't want help from those people anymore. I wanna be left alone.


The days are so dark. There are so many of them. Is this what psychosis is like. Where the dreams are so real, but fuck, let me free! I don't want this anymore please. 


I'm begging for my life and my right to die. Why why why why 


It's not allowed! It's not allowed! I must wait.

I wait and wait and wait and wait. It consumes me. It consumes all of me. I'm in the dark right now. I'm waiting to be let out. I'm in the dark right now and when I'm out I wait and wait and wait and wait again! It always comes back. Because my mind... My mind is broken!


So help me! But it's hopeless. But I cry out in pain in desperation every time. So help me! But leave me alone. All I can do it wait. But don't leave me alone. Please don't leave me alone to my thoughts because then I'll go to the dark place. And I don't want to go to the dark place. I don't want to go to the dark place. Please. I want to escape.


What can I do but wait and escape and wait and escape. This isn't fair.

Suffering, let me disappear.

I want to be forgotten and go away. Erase this memory and this... this emotion I owe tying me down to this world. I'm so conflicted.. I think everything.


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Let me scream and sleep and when I wake we start again. This cycle.