Flowers cast a shadow, I'm hiding underneath

In the field of regrets, I sow and then I reap

When I don't remember everything I am thankful for my life. If time passes and I think things through then I remember too much.

Right now though, I'm thankful. <3

Holy fuckballs I'm depressed. I really don't wanna Google ways to die painlessly because that'll just make me do it and the only reason I don't wanna off myself now is because I'm looking forward to playing games with a friend tonight and then watching him jail other people in a raid. God give me more ways to feel good and reasons to live. 

I want to start over and disappear from the world next year. I want to get a lot of plastic surgery done. 

My fever is keeping me up tonight

And I have no other place to write

I'm calling for help, reaching my arms out, drowning

It's on you I'm counting

My rock, my anchor, I'm tied to you

I love you so much

I'm almost ready 

Forget me not

remember me

Xo, baby

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I'm looking for the next happiest moment of my life

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I dream about a cold winters eve with a fresh snowfall. I imagine a covered path beneath the trees.

Dragging my boots into the forest

I am lost

So I sleep

Please let me sleep 

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 I don't want help from those people anymore. I wanna be left alone.

The days are so dark. There are so many of them. Is this what psychosis is like. Where the dreams are so real, but fuck, let me free! I don't want this anymore please. 

I'm begging for my life and my right to die. Why why why why 

It's not allowed! It's not allowed! I must wait.

I wait and wait and wait and wait. It consumes me. It consumes all of me. I'm in the dark right now. I'm waiting to be let out. I'm in the dark right now and when I'm out I wait and wait and wait and wait again! It always comes back. Because my mind... My mind is broken!

So help me! But it's hopeless. But I cry out in pain in desperation every time. So help me! But leave me alone. All I can do it wait. But don't leave me alone. Please don't leave me alone to my thoughts because then I'll go to the dark place. And I don't want to go to the dark place. I don't want to go to the dark place. Please. I want to escape.

What can I do but wait and escape and wait and escape. This isn't fair.

Suffering, let me disappear.

I want to be forgotten and go away. Erase this memory and this... this emotion I owe tying me down to this world. I'm so conflicted.. I think everything.

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Let me scream and sleep and when I wake we start again. This cycle.